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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"What shall I get them for Christmas?"

36 replies

NannyOgg1341 · 29/11/2025 22:03

It's that time of year for my favourite pet peeve and I'm wondering if anyone gets as wound up with it as I do? I've got two DDs, one DS and a very well-intentioned extended family. In the last week I've started to get this question "what do they want from me for Christmas?" And it's not enough for me to say "an arts and crafts kit" or "she's really into Bluey", they want specific gift ideas so I not only have to do my own Christmas shopping- I have to do theirs as well!

My MIL even says "send me a list to work from, I'm heading into town to do my shopping at the weekend". No worries chicken, my DS16 is so easy to buy for that I've definitely got a list of spare Christmas present ideas for you to use 😅

Then there's the politics of the price- no-one ever gives me a budget (even when asked directly) so I have to play a festive version of 'higher or lower' as I gauge reactions.

I'm laughing as I write it, I know I could be more direct with them, but they mean well and I'd never want to upset them (plus I pass any MIL request straight to DH) but I bet I'm not alone in being annoyed by this one!

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 29/11/2025 22:04

Give a list of half a dozen book titles that can be bought easily from Waterstones.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/11/2025 22:05

We have to buy both MiL and mums presents for the kids because they both live miles away so can’t do it themselves. Tbh it’s got easier over the years and this year we will mostly just give the money

DappledThings · 29/11/2025 22:07

I hate the whole process of coming up with ideas for presents and I consider it immensely stressful. The idea of getting the wrong thing makes me sad.

I assume most people feel a similar level of stress and I consider it my responsibility to take on that stress for my parents so they have less to worry about. Therefore I consider it part of my job to provide information as specific as requested and don't resent it.

Original poster
NannyOgg1341 · 29/11/2025 22:08

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/11/2025 22:05

We have to buy both MiL and mums presents for the kids because they both live miles away so can’t do it themselves. Tbh it’s got easier over the years and this year we will mostly just give the money

My DS is at the age where he'd prefer to have money tbh, he's saving for driving lessons for next year, but this suggestion goes down like a lead balloon "oh I need to get him something to open" 😫

OP posts:
BeautifulSongsofLove · 30/11/2025 00:06

My siblings tell me what their kids would like & I buy the presents. It means the children get presents they like & want rather than random, wasteful stuff

SwanRivers · 30/11/2025 00:09

And it's not enough for me to say "an arts and crafts kit" or "she's really into Bluey", they want specific gift ideas

Of course it's not enough.

If she's really into Bluey, how do they know she won't already have whatever they decide to buy?

Ditto the arts and crafts kit.

I get it's annoying, but they don't live with your kids.

OrigamiOwls · 30/11/2025 01:42

As relatives don't know what your children have and haven't got it isn't a bad thing to ask for specifics.

I ask a family member for specific ideas for her two children. They live the other side of the country, so it's not like I can pop in and stealthy see what they've already got. We don't have kids, so not really sure where to begin and the family member has got a very specific vibe (eco-friendly, non-plastic). All in all it's a minefield so I'm gonna keep asking for specific ideas.

canuckup · 30/11/2025 01:47

Oh don't get me started on this 😡

Problem is, next year, they'll say 'oh just buy their gifts for me and I'll put the money in your account'

Right. Great.

WilfredsPies · 30/11/2025 01:51

NannyOgg1341 · 29/11/2025 22:08

My DS is at the age where he'd prefer to have money tbh, he's saving for driving lessons for next year, but this suggestion goes down like a lead balloon "oh I need to get him something to open" 😫

Show quote history

Tell them to put the money in a gift box if they want him to open something. Or wrap up a chocolate selection box and hand him a cash card.

MyChristmasCheerHasBuggeredOff · 30/11/2025 01:57

How can you be annoyed
Just give them direct ideas. Its not that hard

RyanFudgingMurphy · 30/11/2025 03:31

My daughter has a Pinterest board of ideas. She sent it to my mum for "inspo". Nanna comes back with, "Can I give her the money and she gets it herself?" Ye Gods! My DD is an adult but still wants people to think they know her well enough to get a surprise for her. Mum can be very un-festive about it all, reducing gifts to hard cash and not having to put in any effort on her part. Or even, asks ME to buy it and wrap it and then pays me back. 😭

As for the value of things, my DD once asked her Nanna to make something for her rather than buy (take that, Mum!). Thankfully Mum is a wizz at crafts and made a cross stitch of a large bee for her. It's one of DD's most treasured possessions. (My mum had a bit of a whinge about having to make it though!)

Wonderwall23 · 30/11/2025 06:31

Sorry, I'm the opposite. I like DS to get the gifts he really wants and with no duplicates so he's always just written a list in November and I dish out each idea as I'm asked.

I don't pester people for ideas...I think you can pick up quite quickly who is a list person and who isn't. So some of my nieces and nephews do get presents if they have lists...if they don't they get money and some chocolate.

hattie43 · 30/11/2025 06:47

Money or vouchers in a card with a selection box is a failsafe . I would stop all your trying to think of things for your kids , it’s surely not beyond the wit of man to chose something age appropriate

sesquipedalian · 30/11/2025 06:56

OP, as someone who does not see as much of my DGC as I might choose (geography and working parents), if I didn’t get a bit of a steer from parents, I’d have no idea what the DGC wanted. It’s fine for little ones, but as soon as they are school age, I need to know whether they prefer story books or books about science or dinosaurs, or which lego they have their eye on, or whether they’d like a new game/toy/jigsaw puzzle. This is in part to prevent duplication of gifts. If I was told they wanted money, then I’d try to wrap it up with something, even if only chocolate or socks. But if they wanted money, especially if they were saving for something special like driving lessons, they would get it.

Pricelessadvice · 30/11/2025 06:58

It is difficult when you don’t know what a child has got already.
I find it a nightmare buying for friends kids because they are very spoilt by family and have so much. I’m wary of buying them the same thing.

TheNightingalesStarling · 30/11/2025 07:01

Id rather say " She would like an Elsa costume" to one person and "she would like Frozen dolls" to another than "She likes Frozen and getting two Anna costumes .

ZenNudist · 30/11/2025 07:07

I think its OK when they are little but at near 12 and a 15yo then I'm buying a mobile and a bike. I don't then need or have the budget for anything further. DM gets with the programme and gives money. MIL is asking for a list. I'm not organising that. She can speak to her sons and grandsons direct!!!

Notice it's always thewomen sorting out gifts!!

cramptramp · 30/11/2025 07:12

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 29/11/2025 22:05

We have to buy both MiL and mums presents for the kids because they both live miles away so can’t do it themselves. Tbh it’s got easier over the years and this year we will mostly just give the money

Why can’t they do it themselves? They can either post the presents or have them delivered.

Tryingatleast · 30/11/2025 07:19

Yes to all op, exact same here… everyone does the same, I get the same messages and the same sticky price issue, it drives me a bit crazy- problem is I plan on asking my brother and sister the same things😅😅😅

Whoevenarethey · 30/11/2025 07:30

No worries chicken, my DS16 is so easy to buy for that I've definitely got a list of spare Christmas present ideas for you to use

Isn't this exactly why people are asking though?! If you can't think of something the children you live with would like, how is a relative that perhaps sees them infrequently meant to know what they already have, what they are into and what is appropriate for their age (thinking older relatives).

The only real complaint I think you have is if they ignore you when you say they would like money towards driving lessons or whatever.

Personally I would prefer my children to get something they want than money wasted on a generic gift marketed at that age group (guessing lynx sets for the 16 year old).
I always remember the year my Aunt got me a fake sportswear outfit. I was young enough to not be able to hide how upset I was and to declare I wouldn't wear it as it was fake and everyone would laugh (joys of peer pressure hey). So now not only was I upset and angry, my Aunt who was there when I opened the gift was upset and then my own parents were mortified by me not having the social etiquette to just say thanks and to just never wear the outfit.
This could all have been saved if Aunt had either just given money towards buying the branded goods if she couldn't afford to actually buy the item I really wanted or asking my parents for something I liked.

billandtedsexcellentadventure · 30/11/2025 07:35

I 100% get it. I don’t want crap that others have got my kids that they won’t play with or use but I am literally buying it and then having the money transferred back into my account. There’s no thought from grandparents at all really which is a bit sad. But also means no waste or returning etc.

Fairyliz · 30/11/2025 07:36

Blimey my ‘children’ are in their 20’s and 30’s and I could still give you a long list of things they would like because I know them.
It was even easier when they were children living at home. Surely you want your children to have presents they really want?

IamnotSethRogan · 30/11/2025 07:40

I get annoyed about it too but I do have to keep telling myself it's better than the alternative of them getting rubbish they don't want.

But I completely understand, it's hard enough to sort all the stuff you need to for Christmas let alone think of everything for everyone else.

Hopeful16 · 30/11/2025 07:45

I completely understand. By the time you have thought of ideas from yourself that you know (hope) they’ll love you then have to start the thought process again for others. I make an Amazon list for them with a range of different priced gifts but it is a chore.
I also do my parents’ shopping since my mum has dementia. It all adds to the Christmas stress.

Sartre · 30/11/2025 07:47

I honestly don’t mind sourcing links for family. If you say something vague like ‘they’re into Bluey’, they might get you something they already have for example.

My MIL is a terrible gift giver, she means well but it always misses the mark. Past examples have been a massive ride on horse we had absolutely no room for and for some reason a fondue set, for a 7 year old… Happy to give her exact links now to avoid this!