"What shall I get them for Christmas?"

[NannyOgg1341]

It's that time of year for my favourite pet peeve and I'm wondering if anyone gets as wound up with it as I do? I've got two DDs, one DS and a very well-intentioned extended family. In the last week I've started to get this question "what do they want from me for Christmas?" And it's not enough for me to say "an arts and crafts kit" or "she's really into Bluey", they want specific gift ideas so I not only have to do my own Christmas shopping- I have to do theirs as well!

My MIL even says "send me a list to work from, I'm heading into town to do my shopping at the weekend". No worries chicken, my DS16 is so easy to buy for that I've definitely got a list of spare Christmas present ideas for you to use 😅

Then there's the politics of the price- no-one ever gives me a budget (even when asked directly) so I have to play a festive version of 'higher or lower' as I gauge reactions.

I'm laughing as I write it, I know I could be more direct with them, but they mean well and I'd never want to upset them (plus I pass any MIL request straight to DH) but I bet I'm not alone in being annoyed by this one!

I just add stuff to and Amazon list throughout the year and send that for ideas onto them if they go and buy something similar or just get it off there!!

Ds12 has an Amazon wishlist that I share with family. He adds things to it all year and I delete half of it before anyone has a chance to buy it.

It works well for us. When he was younger I added the stuff to it but now he mainly adds it himself. Family know he's the one adding the £750 3D Printer so they don't think I'm being a dick.

I get the annoyance at having your mental load added to, however, I am always glad they have something they want and not some tat that sits around and eventually has to be sold. If I genuinely don’t know or have ideas I’ll just say “you decide - he’ll love anything you choose”

I hate this too.

And I also disagree with "it's better they get exactly what they want" - my kids have often most enjoyed things that they wouldn't have asked for.

I enjoy thinking of things my kids might like but it's nice for them to get things from other people that they have thought of

I am happy to throw out general categories - e.g. MIL likes to get the kids books, I tell her what sort of thing they are currently enjoying, then she has a think about it and checks back with me with her idea to make sure they don't already own it.

She did originally want just to be told exactly what to buy but I have trained her into this approach and the kids really enjoy seeing what she has chosen, she often picks classics from her childhood and they talk about them and it's lovely

Would you rather have multiples of things that need to be returned or exchanged?
my children are adults I have no idea what primary school age children are into these days so yes I’d rather ask what I should get them. It’s not a hardship is it ?

People asking what the children want or need is far better than people wasting money on something they wouldn’t like or already have. I mean if you don’t know what they want, how on earth are other people supposed to guess right? Christmas comes at the same time every year, start making a note of ideas early as your children mention things or you notice that they need something like pyjamas or slippers. Re budget, surely you can gauge from what they’ve bought before?

This is one of those no win situations. MIL chooses on her own? Waste of money, she knows nothing! MIL asks for ideas? If she cared, she’d know.

Totally get you on this! Last year my parents went away and I had to do all of their shopping for them!! Some of my favourite presents growing up and even now are the ones that have nothing to do with my usual likes and wants. Things that I would never have thought of asking for. My SIL is brilliant at coming up with lovely gifts for my kids and they’re never things I would have thought of for them

Yeah I'm with OP. It's my mother that's the problem and she knows my children very well. She loves to be the person coming in with a sack each for the kids and wants not just things they will like, but it's competitive. She wants the best presents. She has never once bought the things I've suggested though and one particular time bought something she knew I already had for DD, but a "better" one.

MIL on the other hand loves abroad and comes over just before Christmas and takes the kids shopping. Also stressful because they choose the things they want and I often have them already so need to change them. MIL tries hard and there's no competitive streak, so I much prefer her to do what she does. The kids love the trip out with her.

My Parents give money, MIL likes to give gifts. Both dc said there was not anything they needed but she insists. So I had to come up with gifts for dc25, and dc20 found a t shirt that was £10 above budget but said they'd pay the difference (I did though). It's hard enough thinking of gifts from us never mind someone else. They both would have preferred the money and getting something in the sales or saving towards something 'computer related'.

I said I wrote it laughing- it's a light hearted christmas peeve. I see you are aptly named!