To cut my friend off

[Avocad1sh]

I have been friends with “Amy” for 5 years. We are close but over the past 2 years she goes through stages of just not speaking to me for long periods of time without any warning. She suffers from mental health problems which is what she puts the long absences down to, so that’s why I have put up with it for so long, because I understand she isn’t doing it maliciously or purposefully ignoring me but she just finds it hard to communicate during those periods.

However, the past few times have really started to annoy me and even hurt me a little. About 6 months ago, she kept calling me saying she was going to harm herself, then suddenly her messages and calls just stopped. I didn’t hear from her at all for 3 weeks, despite me calling and texting. I knew it wasn’t an emergency because she lives with her mum, and her mum would’ve told me if anything had happened. But she would’ve known that I was worrying but still didn’t speak to me at all, not even a quick “I’m ok but going through a bad time and can’t really talk atm”. However, I’ve never been in her shoes so I tried to be understanding.

The last two times she has done this, she has stopped speaking to me but is still active on social media. Posting on Facebook and instagram. Writing messages back to people in her comments, but completely ignoring my texts. It’s annoying me now and I really feel like I want to be done with her but I’m finding it hard because I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable due to her illness because I don’t understand it. I just feel hurt that she continuously will ignore me but still speak to other people, then comes back eventually and says “sorry, was in a bad place” but she wasn’t in a bad enough place to speak to her other friends? I sound jealous but it’s not like that, I just feel like she’s taking the piss now and uses me when she’s feeling ok and when she’s not feeling great she ignores me and goes to other friends instead. And then just comes back and expects me to carry on like she hasn’t just ghosted me for a month.

I genuinely don’t know whether I am just being judgmental, jealous, pathetic and not a good friend here. Or whether I am valid in my feelings. Has anyone had any experience in either mine or my friends position and can offer advice?

Ignoring concerned messages while being active on SM is something I'd pull her up on, have you actually done that?

but she ignores me for weeks on end. Then randomly comes back. And then we speak every single day. She calls me every night and

No, she is not your friend, what is it in you that constantly puts up with her frankly bizarre behaviour?

You need some genuine friends.

I'm not sure about this actually - it could be the opposite and she's engaging with friends with whom she has a more superficial relationship rather than the OP with whom she has a deeper friendship, maybe she just can't function on that level at the moment. I also wouldn't necessarily conclude that she doesn't want to be your friend. I have a friend who I find it difficult to be around when I'm struggling with my mental health because she is quite intense and talks a lot so a bit draining, and she can be inadvertently triggering and sometimes a bit judgemental. I like her though because she's well meaning and when I'm well I enjoy her company, she's just not someone I can be around much when I'm feeling vulnerable.

ADHD and rejection sensitivity dysphoria.

DC2 either replies straight away or not at all. Once they feel that too much time has elapsed, they'll decide that the person who messaged them now hates them because they have been too slow in replying. Once they have decided tbe person hates them, they cannot bring themselves to reply.

I agree, I think it's a power thing OP, she's getting a buzz out of controlling you, pulling you in, pushing you away..... it may well be a manifestation of her MH condition but it's obviously still a horrible way to be treated and you are under no obligation to continue the 'friendship' in these circumstances. She clearly has other friends/acquaintances/SM buddies to converse and socialise with, I wouldn't give her any more time or thought tbh. Just stop responding and move on.

Tbh I'd just go with the flow. Talk to her when she's responding. Ignore her when she's not. In between just don't think about it and get on with your life.

I would draw back from her completely. Don't respond and work on your other/new relationships. Time to think about yourself.