To refuse to pay this nursery charge

[Jeronnemo]

2 children in nursery. Been really happy there. A few niggles but nothing major. This month's bill had a £40 per child charge for an activity that they only do in winter. It usually kicks in in December through to April but this time they've charged it early. The issue is that they've not actually done the activity yet. I spoke to the manager about it and she was very abrasive and came out with some absolute nonsense about why it was on the bill. She lied and expected me to just suck it up. I'm livid but the conversation is over as far as she's concerned and if I push it any further, I risk being asked to leave. Do I just write it off for the sake of peace and my blood pressure?

Then see if it gets down for 4mths /4 times and then if by March they haven’t then query it

I said that earlier

I understand what you’ve said, you’ve paid for an activity that should have taken place in November but it didn’t. My point is if your childcare place is cheaper because of funding is it worth arguing over £40 and risk your childcare place?
If the activity goes ahead as scheduled for the rest of the time I honestly could not get this worked up over £40 and risk being ‘one of those parents’. If the activity never goes ahead and you’ve paid £160 extra then I would be asking questions.
Ive worked in a primary school which had a nursery attached, you couldn’t pay me enough to work full time in a nursery, it’s relentless and the staff are amazing.

They didn't say anything. They let everyone think the activity was taking place when infact it wasn't. This came to light, so I rang to ask why we were being charged for something that wasn't happening and I was just given a load of bullshit.

Your posts are quite confusing, but it seems that you've been charged in advance for something that will happen? Isn't it quite normal to pay in advance for activities? Are you confused because you previously paid during/after and not beforehand?

OP, you explained it poorly to start with. Your first post had no indication that this was a charge that would be made every month - a lot of us read it as a one off £40 to cover something that happens throughout winter. You clarified a couple of posts later, but since most people read the OP and reply in relation to that, the damage was done.

Also it’s very typical that activities eg at school are paid for long before they happen. So lots of people also suggesting that this might be the explanation - this is a reasonable thing to suggest even if it’s wrong, but you're reacting v snappishly to it.

And finally, without knowing the details of the activity or the lie, we can’t say if it’s totally unreasonable or not. Eg if it was something that hadn’t been able to happen in nov but they’d had to book and pay for in advance and the nursery weren’t going to get refunded either, that would be more reasonable.

The upshot is that even though you may well be justified in being aggrieved, the way you’ve snapped and got cross with people for making suggestions makes you look like someone who picks a fight easily. In any AIBU type question it’s fairly important to react reasonably to questions and recognise other people’s perspectives, or you’ll end up getting blamed even if it’s unfair.

I’m a professional, lifelong editor with plenty of experience parsing others’ writing. And I have no idea what the basis of your complaint is. You aren’t explaining as clearly as you think you are.

What is the activity? Did the person lie and tell you it had occurred? Was it EVER expected to begin in November instead of December? Why was it postponed / rescheduled ?

They let everyone think the activity was taking place when infact it wasn't

Or they charged in November so they could pay the activity provider ready for the activity to start in December...

So in your first post you say the activity happens in Dec, but then you later say it was going to happen in November this year but for some reason it hasn’t. You paid for this at the beginning of Nov. What was the managers explanation for it not happening in November, and what did they say about future payments?

Thanks for (wo)mansplaing conduct to me.

I'm more than capable of being diplomatic

Really? Your attitude on here suggests that’s probably not your finest skill.

If your posts on here are anything to go by, I reckon your side of the conversation re getting a refund was not polite or well explained. Carry on with the manager as you are on here and I reckon you'll lose the nursery place.

I've understood everyone else's posts but yours are still baffling: surely you pay on 1st Nov for basic nursery fees for that month but also pay, in advance for the month of December for the winter activity (that will start 1st December). It's the number of payments you make over the winter rather than when you make them that matters (I've gone off to look for my old body armour).

You still haven’t told us what they said but have asserted they are telling lies. Given your tone to many of the posters here who are asking very straightforward questions, I am inclined to believe the nursery is not entirely the problem here.

What did the nursery say about the charge? You said she lied but you haven't told us what the lie was. How do you know they will charge you again in December when you haven't received the december invoice yet? What do other parents say about it?

No. Jesus wept.

OP, have you asked the nursery very clearly:

I was charged £40 on 1st November for X activity. On what date will the session take place that this charge covers?

and if they say “it will take place on 3rd, 10th, 17th and 29th December” you say ok, so can you confirm that the £40 I will be charged on 1st December covers the dates that will take place in January and that I can expect the last payment to be charged on 1st March for the April sessions?”

you keep saying that November payment is for November fees but I can’t see that you have confirmed with the nursery that this also applies to the activity charges.

Guys - come on, she did finally explain it so it could be understood.

2024 invoices -
4 x payment Dec - March @40 each for 4 sessions of an activity.

2025 invoices -
5 x payment Nov - March @40 each for 5 sessions of an activity.
BUT Nov activity didn't happen and manager never told parents. Then when questioned, said no refund for November.

OP - what did manager say reason was for no November session and no refund for November?
Will Dec-March sessions be happening?

What exactly was the bullshit you were given? Did they confirm to you that you would be paying an extra month for no reason or are you just presuming this? Is it an activity that’s carried out by an external company or is it done by the nursery staff?

Tell them in writing, that following up on your enquiry. You have paid in Nov for the December activity. (So one month ahead) and at the end if winter you will tally up the number of these famous activities that have taken place. & adjust accordingly.
Also you should get other parents to question this.

Well we don't blooming know do we because you keep repeating the same things and aren't actually answering very relevant questions...

I’m not hard of understanding I’ve included the example of where the fee payable for activities isn’t charged at the same schedule as the fees which is what might be happening in the OPs situation.

OP is changing her story as initially she said the activity will be happening in Dec and now says she expected it to be in November.

I’m baffled by the responses here. I would be very angry about this. Have other parents clocked the issue?

I’d go back in writing if this has been done verbally and expect the money to be refunded or not added to my bill in a subsequent month.

To me it is clear that
If you have paid for Nov and they didn't do it you should be refunded or they can carry it over to December.

But we don’t know that the op will be charged for an extra month this year as she hasn’t been invoiced for the other months yet, she seems to just be presuming. The nursery could just be changing the payment schedule due to late payments previously from other parents that caused difficulty in funding this extra activity last year.

I agree! I'm a childminder, can you imagine the difference in responses if i tried this with a parent? I'm equally full with a waiting list etc.