My confidence is being battered

[LittleMissLateForWorkAgain]

Not for the first time lately I ve had someone say "you look tired" or "are you not well?" And I m fine.

I m nearly 58 and always looked young for my age but now I m starting to think people mean I m looking old.

I ve recently lost a stone and a half in 2 months on weight watchers and actually feel much better about myself although I still have a few stone to go. Can now wear a size 14 comfortably instead of an 18.

I work in a secondary school and autumn term is very long and tough so nobody comes out unscathed.

My confidence is now getting lower and lower.

Aibu to wish people didn't say these things?
I do just smile and brush it off but it's a bit hurtful to be honest.

I feel you , I’m 59 and recently changed jobs . I saw one of my old colleagues last week and she said “ how is it being a lady of leisure ? “ I said .. well I’m working full time still , she said “ oh I assumed you’d retired “ never felt so old in all my life 😩

I ve been eating healthily have 5 alcohol free days a week and lost weight....but apparently I look so tired now. It's very disappointing when I actually was thinking I looked better!

No one to ask as I live with my 37 year old son and could turn into a green alien and he wouldn't notice 😄

Your confidence should be through the roof given the gift you've given yourself of better health and energy. I think in our society weight loss is linked in people's minds to illness, so that's where their mind goes when they see your changed appearance. If I were you I'd focus on enjoying your new body, take it on a few adventures and see what it can do now its fitter. Get plenty of sleep, get some great clothes and if hair and make up is your thing, get an update. You watch them start telling you how fabulous you look and asking how you did it.

The single thing that makes the biggest difference to how I look is blusher. On days when I don't wear it people comment I look tired or ask if I'm poorly. When I wear it they say I look well.

I’d not disagree with this. Op do you wear make up? Subtle natural make up can make all the difference, as can a good skin care regime.

i look knackered a lot but some subtle make up and suddenly I look like I’m all alive. 😂

My mate is on the weight loss jabs, and has lost 2.5 stones in as many months. Sorry to say, but as good as her arse looks, her face looks awful - like it's collapsed. Her skin texture and hair both look like they're papery thin, and lank. She is still convinced she looks 10 years younger than she is (52); I'd say she looks nearer 60. I'm really sad for her, as she is doing so well with the weight, but the old 'tits or face' adage may well be truer than you think. I understand the right sort of collagen supplements help, especially if you're menopausal, and losing a fair whack of weight.
I need to investigate both - being menopausal and fat!

How lovely of you to say so

Greetings original commenter
I'm so sorry to hear how some folks comments have commenced to knock your confidence 😢
God bless you & I completely comprehend & empathise 🫂
Sometimes you just wish some folks would keep their comments to themselves - I do also think, from life experiences, sometimes it's even down to jealousy
I used to work in a female only gym & you could bet, if someone lost weight & looked good, you would get some certain souls, ready to stick the knife in, pretending to be concerned,with underhanded putdowns, when truly, most oftentimes, they were envious because they wished they themselves, were the ones to have achieved their weight loss goals 🫂
Well done immensely much so on your awesome achievements original commenter 🥳🎊Don't let the bitter souls get you down 💚🤗💚

Why were you looking at her arse? 😳

Yanbu to wish people wouldn't say these things, it's extremely tactless. I think you should pull them up on it a bit, not in a combative way but just push back a little. Reply to 'you look tired' with an 'ouch, thanks for that, I thought I looked ok!' or a, 'thanks for the confidence boost' or even be honest 'do I?! Oh dear. I don't feel tired, what makes you say that?!'. Whatever works for you and your colleagues. Hopefully enough to make them stop and think about what they're saying.

I'm saying it here because it's anonymous. I wouldn't ever wish to hurt my lovely friend. I'm sure someone, somewhere, is talking about my enormous arse. Meh. I can't get worked up about it, and sure she won't know.

She's my best mate. I was walking behind her.... Don't you ever look at the person you're walking behind? Also, she was spinning around in a new outfit, as she's pleased with the weight she's lost.
Of course, I told her she's done so well. Because she has. But, she can't continue to pass for the age she thinks she can... but that comes to us all!

Well are you tired? When I am tired I look it. So if you are tired then it’s not really an insult because it’s true… you’re tired

Just FYI you clearly don’t know shit if you think collagen supplements do anything.

Collagen is a form of protein… which means it’s made of amino acid peptides like any other protein. So what happens when you ingest collagen? It’s digested… aka broken down into its individual amino acids to be used however the body likes… usually as other proteins for things like cell signalling, neurotransmitters etc. It wont suddenly make more collagen because its got more aminos. Its all bollocks.

I've never looked into it myself - just what she says. I've no reason to..... Thank you for your kind and informative message, however.😉

Wow. When your jealousy is stronger than your love for your friend this is what you get folks.

To be fair I am tired. Autumn term is long and busy and I have had ongoing house renovations all month. I think it's just being surprised people say things when nobody is asking for their opinions!

I don't usually look too bad maybe I m not glamorous but I do a lot of practical work and outdoor stuff so tend to live in trousers/ trackies/ trainers or boots/north face fleece or jacket/ long hair up and not much make up.

I guess the lesson is just ignore stupid comments. My friend was told by her mum that she ,"looked well" and has taken it to mean she looks fat.

I know I m not hideous but I do sometimes have the look of a tired and bothered earthworm.

It is about perspective. I would think of it as concern, and be glad I had people around me that noticed and cared. Maybe you are exhausted and need a weekend off?
If you are renovating a house and working hard, then it’s quite possible you are more tired than you think.

It’s probably the lack of make up. If it bothers you, look into better skincare and concealer etc.

I’d also agree it’s probably the lack of make up. As we get older, we can just look knackered even when we aren’t. If it is bothering you just put some make up on, doesn’t need to be much, just some light foundation or bb cream , concealer to brighten under eyes and some blusher.

people are just being worried about you.

I think a stone and a half is a lot of weight to lose in two months. Perhaps you need to slow down a little.

I agree about blusher-I had one of those palettes with different shades of bronzer mixed in- never used it- this year I started just sweeping it all over my face instead of powder. People now say I look ‘well’

Actually you’re right, i didn’t spot that, it’s very rapid and could be the cause I’d concern,

It’s either arse or face as you get older

You have lost a lot very quickly. I have lost slower but even then tend to be a bit saggy and less firm at first. Everything tightens up again in time with exercise to keep the blood pumping and good hydration.