My confidence is being battered

[LittleMissLateForWorkAgain]

Not for the first time lately I ve had someone say "you look tired" or "are you not well?" And I m fine.

I m nearly 58 and always looked young for my age but now I m starting to think people mean I m looking old.

I ve recently lost a stone and a half in 2 months on weight watchers and actually feel much better about myself although I still have a few stone to go. Can now wear a size 14 comfortably instead of an 18.

I work in a secondary school and autumn term is very long and tough so nobody comes out unscathed.

My confidence is now getting lower and lower.

Aibu to wish people didn't say these things?
I do just smile and brush it off but it's a bit hurtful to be honest.

You work in a secondary school in Autumn Term. People are tired, they're pale compared to summer, it's the most punishing term, it's the longest term, the weather's shit and there is the minimum amount of daylight.

They're trying to be sympathetic - it's how staff show empathy, as almost everybody (except perhaps that SLT who has the ridiculously light timetable for no discernible reason other than they're SLT, happily bobbing around delegating their work to everybody else). For want of a better phrase, they're doing the 'I see you, I care' thing.

Sad to say, it'll be the weight loss OP.
I've lost about 3 stone this year, and it has left my face looking slimmer, and I've lost the double chin, which is nice, but seems to have left me looking more drawn & haggard with it.
Try some make up - I use Elf Halo Glow - it's inexpensive and really gives a good, natural looking glow.
It's awful - you can't always see it when you look directly in the mirror - but I caught sight of myself unexpectedly last night, at an angle, just caught sight of my baggy-jowly look - and I just thought omg I need a facelift or something. When they say arse or face, it's really true.

I went out last night with a former work colleague who's 55. She took voluntary redundancy in the summer and always looked tired. Now she looks 10 years younger.

I don't know how weight loss jabs actually work but if you're losing weight by eating better and cutting out crap you're going to look better than someone losing weight through injections and still eating rubbish albeit less rubbish.

I think its time for a new adage. How about "Chubby cheeks or healthy old age"? Not as snappy as yours, but probably got a lot more truth to it.

Firstly, huge congratulations on the weight loss and lifestyle improvements, you should be so proud of yourself. I think people who say 'you look tired' etc are being snarky, maybe your weight loss, and the fact you think you look better, is irritating to some others who may feel a tad jealous.

My take on this? I think it says a lot about the representation of women over the age of 40. It was near non-existent in my last workplace and I would secretly cringe when colleagues referred to anyone over 30 as being elderly…

OP, huge congrats on making positive changes in your life! You did that. Don’t let anyone take the shine off it.

That was extremely catty of her. The only reason anyone would say that is jealousy.

Op in a school autumn term is rough. It’s a long term too- we are all knackered and fighting off 5 million bugs at every turn. I bet you are just tired.

Kind? 😅You're very diplomatic God bless you 🤗
I think your comments are kind though & it's brilliantly clear you care immensely about your dear friend 💚

Replies:
You look tired - oh I had the best sleep last night. Actually you’re looking a bit tired, did you sleep okay?
are you not well - I actually feel so healthy now that I’ve lost some weight and reduced the alcohol. You still drinking?

I’ve never understood why people feel the need to be thoughtless. Find that some are just plain jealous of other people’s accomplishments. Good on you for changing your lifestyle. Don’t let others diminish your confidence. You should be proud of yourself. Keep it up. You are being awesome!

A decent moisturiser with SPF which suits your skin is worth it's weight in gold.
Also -
L'Occitane Immortelle reset overnight serum. It's described as a good night's sleep in a bottle. You can usually find it cheaper on Ebay than L'Occitane or M&S. About £40 for 30ml. Will last approx 6 weeks.

I have no affiliation with L'Occitane. Just a happy customer.

I’m 35 with a 2yo but he sleeps through and I can’t say im
particularly tired but in the last few weeks several colleagues have asked if he is keeping me up or if I'm unwell 😕 also definitely haven’t lost any bloody weight so can’t even use that as an excuse 😂 it’s quite offensive because I don’t feel like I look any different!
I would also never dream of saying this to a colleague and would let them prompt any conversation if they did have a toddler keeping them up or an illness making them tired…

Just sounds like realism to me.

Maybe she meant you look so well she assumed that must’ve retired.

Thanks everyone. I actually looked back on photos from summer and I do look less tired but a bit fat with a double chin.

I m supporting my son with cutting out drinking and think it has made a big difference in that I ve lost weight quickly and actually have clearer skin.

I guess I just can't hack autumn term like I used to 🙁

Well done on the weight loss.

It might have changed your face and left you looking less filled-out and rosy than before. I've read on here that >6m later, the fat can redistribute around your body, and you end up evened out again.

Go with a bit of make up for now. Fake tan, blusher.

I think when you initially lose weight you can look to other people a bit drawn in the face. But people soon get used to the new look you and then you look "normal" again if that makes sense (I do know what I am trying to say but not articulating it well!)

Some people do look more drawn when they lose weight. My mother looks sick at the top of he WW goal weight range but good a couple of kg over. I feel week if my BMI is less than about 23. But maybe the people d9n't know you are dieting and are worried you have cancer or something? Also those of us who have always been young looking do age and it can be in steps rathet than a slope. You will be fine and soon people will adjust.

Many doctors advice carrying a little weight into old age ( not being obese just not thin unless of course you are just natuarlly thin).

The OP is a size 14 which is a waist measurement of 32 (the maximum healthy for a woman) so nowhere near 'too thin'. Provided her BMI is not less than 23 in her old age, there will be no health risk.
Besides which, the person I responded to was saying that her friends weight loss made her 'look' 10 years older. I don't think it hurts to remember that as we get into old age, how we look will matter far less to our quality of life than avoiding reduced mobility, heart issues, diabetes and reducing our risk of certain types of cancer.