Another UC 2 child cap thread…

[IWantAShitzu]

Sorry.

Probably every one has had enough of these now.

I have seen so much uproar over the lifting of the two child limit.

And, I get it. There are so many people leaching off the system and it will only get worse.

Background - 35 year old married mum of four aged 11 and under.

Always worked - went back to work after maternity leave each time when I had the first three. Loved my career, best work/life balance. Husband, despite being epileptic and had a stroke works full time and earns a decent income (on paper) - no benefits claimed as not entitled.

Finally got to the point in my career I was happy to stay in until I retired. All came crashing down when my youngest was diagnosed with a severe life limiting genetic disorder. Requires 24h care, tube fed, blind, cannot sit up and is unlikely to walk or talk, daily seizures and regular blue light admissions to hospital.

I decided to give up my job to become a full time carer. We had to remortgage our home to adapt it to his needs as we are not eligible for support with this.

Started claiming UC which has been a huge help. And I am delighted that the limit has been removed. This essentially means we get a full food shop extra per month without having to scrape each last penny.

I know I won’t be the only person in this situation - please remember that for all the ones who will take advantage of the limit being thrown out - there are so many families who have been through life changing difficulties through no fault of their own, and this will make such a difference xx

The assisted dying bill is aimed for people with the mental capacity to make a decision for themselves, to be able to die with dignity and on their terms.

I am talking about a 1 year old child here.

We have a PAC plan - paediatric advanced care plan. In that plan we have our wishes for when he passes away. Also in that plan, is as things stand, how much intervention do we want, should he need resuscitating.

Currently, our wishes are that full intervention is to take place. Depending on his deterioration in future, that may change.

These are decisions that only myself and my husband have made, and will base our decisions on what is best for our baby, and our family, not how much we cost the NHS. We are extremely grateful to the NHS for what they have done for us.

And sorry to those who brought it up, I should have clarified we do get the higher element of DLA for him, which covers travel costs to and from hospital appointments, electrical costs for his equipment, expenses for long hospital stays, sensory toys etc.

I truly believe that parents with disabled children should get all the help they can, and more! My gripe is how people that apparently can’t afford kids can have nights out galore with new lips lashes, holidays and continue to complain that they can’t make a sandwich or a bit of breakfast for their children. Life is always about sacrifices and whilst DH is a high earner and I work full time I absolutely cannot afford to spend money on such things. People are so very entitled and hold their hand out for everything and know how to milk the system. Theres not one decent human alive that wants any child to be neglected and live in poverty but people sure do get pissed off when parents are living the life fandango on benefits while the full time hard working rest of us are picking up the tab whilst doing without basics ourselves

I hope the changes help you @IWantAShitzu . I don't think you need to justify yourself to someone arguing that your little boy is a drain on society.

I am so pleased for you and your family. This is exactly what a benefits system is for. Thank you for highlighting just why this uplift was so important to many families.

There will always be those that take advantage of any system but that isn’t the responsibility of the people who desperately need the support. As a society, we must stop demonising those claiming benefits, we are at risk of losing our humanity.

You def deserve it, I’m sorry life is crap

It's not 'the NHS' that funds it all though. The tax payers are paying for it all.

People are on their knees & really struggling to make ends meet. Living in shitty overcrowded flats, working 2,3 even 4 jobs paying out ever increasing taxes to fund other peoples medical & social problems.

We cannot sustain the rocketing costs of advancing medical science as a society we do need to have a serious conversation & have some upper limits.

Everyone who has NHS treatment or disability benefits is deserving of it but it's just not sustainable for society as a whole.

If parents are going on loads of nights out, spending on beauty and holidays, whilst on benefits, that’s indicative of fraud.

If parents have the means to feed their kids breakfast but don’t, that is neglect.

If you genuinely believe that is what you see then report them to DWP / social services and let them deal with it. I used to get reports when I (briefly) worked in this area and none of the complainants knew the true circumstances of the neighbours or friends they were accusing.

However much you try to draw a distinction between ‘deserving’ and ‘undeserving’ families, you don’t know the full circumstances of others.

So you would refuse life saving expensive treatment for either yourself or your child on the basis the country cant afford it it?

So will @IWantAShitzu get more now?

I’m really pleased for you and that the cap has been lifted. It has lifted 450k children out of poverty and was the most effective measure the government could take to reduce child poverty. It doesn’t affect me personally and we may be slightly worse off after this budget, but I see child poverty every day (teacher) and it’s so damaging. I’m really upset that so many people are against this change, why would you want kids in poverty? We have a birth rate well below replacement levels but seem to be against both people having children and immigrants. It’s bizarre.

You’re talking generically and avoiding the points I have made.

Genuinely, what do you expect me to do?

Are you a parent?

I have met many families on our journey who had perfectly healthy children and for whatever reason something horrendous and unavoidable happened that left their child severely disabled. Ranging from the age of 2 to 13 are children I personally know that this has happened to.

God forbid this ever happened to someone you love, but if it did, what would YOU do?

Let’s face it, no one is going to euthanase a child. So what are the options? Place them into care so you can provide your tax to society? Probably costing the government a shit load of money. Or try to give that child the best life possible with the financial help that is available and there for reasons like this?

No, it isn’t just the NHS, it’s Social Services, it’s charities and it’s a children’s hospice among many different sources of support we receive.

Many seriously ill children I know, have a DNR in place.

NOT because their parents are concerned about the cost to the NHS if they kept them alive, but they know that their child will not be able to live any kind of quality of life. The problem (for you, obviously) is that they can’t, and rightly won’t want to force a cardiac arrest on them to save the taxpayer a few quid.

The bottom line is, my son doesn’t have a DNR. One day, he might.

Have you any idea what it’s like for parents to have to make these decisions?

I’m going to continue keeping my son safe, loved, happy and comfortable for as long as I can, regardless of what it costs the government.

Sounds more like you’re describing forced euthanasia not assisted dying. Thats not where we want to go. It’s all very well saying there’s a limit to how much you can cost the nhs till it’s you or your mum/dad/child, then you’d see the person not the statistics.

@IWantAShitzu

Iam happy that the cap being lifted will help your family so much. You like so many other families in similar circumstances deserve this and I’m proud of the government for making this change and caring about people.

@Serencwtch post is highly offensive and I would ignore OP, we are one of the wealthiest countries in the world and of course we should be providing disabled people with the healthcare and support they need. It’s gross to consider people in terms of cost/benefit anyone of us could find ourselves in need of care and support in the future.

Absolutely Not Being Unreasonable

Thank you to those who have taken the time to give kind and supportive comments, I know there are always going to be a few with something negative to say but I do have thick skin after what I’ve been through over the last year xx

You handled those negative comments very well.
Wishing you and your family all the best.

I never agreed in the cap in the first place so I’m glad it’s been lifted. I find it disgusting we live in a country where some people are happy to see children living in poverty,

The reason many people stop at two (or even one) isn't because of their situation now, it is the unknowns - divorce, bereavement, unemployment, sickness and disability in the parents, and sickness and disability in the kids.

It's sad that your youngest child is going through this, but it still should not be up to the rest of society who have made tough choices by limiting the number of children they have to mitigate as best possible against the situation you have found yourself in.

You're describing the principle of how 'useless eaters' were dealt with. And hoping that the Assisted Dying Bill will help bring that back.

This is why people opposed the bill. Not because they want some photogenic old lady or 40 year old terrified of dementia to suffer, but because it puts into place a system where it's acceptable to end lives - the mission creep in this instance being that it becomes eugenicist. Although it's not exactly creeping when it's not even been passed and posters like you are already planning deaths to avoid paying tax towards their care.

Just look at how fast things were put in place during Covid in case demand for ventilators was too high wasn’t a paper leaked where they planned to refuse to
treat those with SEN etc ?

You deserve every single penny and I’m so glad that lifting this cap will make your life even a tiny bit easier financially. I have a disabled child myself but nowhere near that level and I can’t fathom how difficult it must be for you. Sending you so much love and strength

There was actually a 25% chance any of my four children could have inherited the condition. We had no idea until the fourth was diagnosed.

So it would be acceptable if this was my first, yes?

I think you’re very wrong. I think it IS down to society. These situations where someone needs more care and needs more financial resources are an opportunity to show that everyone is valued and supported. If society decides to abandon that principle then where do we stand and can you really face the reality of what that makes you if you’re happy to say that there’s some kind of limit to what is essentially life saving support ?