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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU re: bus seating etiquette?

34 replies

tokennamechange · 28/11/2025 17:26

reading the cafe seat "grabbing" thread while in a vaguely similar situation so thought I'd post live!

On a longish bus journey (national express/flixbus coach type rather than local, so everyone has pre-booked and is guaranteed a seat, just not their choice of one unless they've paid to reserve it). I got on it quite early and sat down when coach was almost empty. Gradually filled up a bit (although still only just over half full, so lots of seats free, just not any double ones together) until shortly before we were due to depart a group of about 5-6 people climbed on.

One woman was giving a running passive aggressive commentary as she walked up the aisle, "Oh mum there's no seats left next to each other. Loads of people are just sitting on their own so there aren't any seats together. I hate it when people do that. We'll just have to sit separately. It's so annoying when people take a seat each..."

AIBU to think that she was BU? If a coach/train/bus/table etc isn't full, sitting next to someone when there are multiple empty double seats available would be weird, right? Surely normal etiquette is that everybody goes for their own double seat first, and it's only once those are all taken you sit next to someone?

Obviously if it gets busier you accept that someone might then come and sit next to you and can't hog a double seat, but surely nobody pre-emptively chooses to sit next to a stranger and be less comfortable for several hours, on the off chance that more people might turn up and want to sit together?

Even then, you need to accept it's first come, first served? If you want to sit together, make the effort to get there early!

If one of their party had sat next to me but asked if I'd move so they could sit together, I would have. In fact I might even have offered, as by then it's a choice between sitting by one random or another, so no skin off my nose, in fact sitting by another lone traveller would probably have been quieter than sitting next to someone craning over the aisle to chat to their mate.

However, because they didn't, WIBU to ignore the passive aggressive moaning and just sit tight in my double seat, rather than offering it to them?

(also if it makes a difference, all of the group were adults, again I'm not completely heartless and would have offered the seat to a small child and parent rather than expecting them to sit separately).

OP posts:
LarryIsMyRomanEmpire · 28/11/2025 17:28

I get similar buses a lot and YANBU.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 28/11/2025 17:29

You're right. The etiquette in that situation is take aisle seats across from each other and hope (without hints) that someone offers to move.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 28/11/2025 17:31

It sounds like you did the mum a favour by giving her a few hours away from her moaning child.

PatThePenguin · 28/11/2025 17:32

Gosh that's a lot of typing for such a simple YANBU 🤣

She should've either pre-booked or asked someone if they wouldn't mind moving, rather than the passive aggressive walking up and down, talking to her mum 🤷‍♂️

mamagogo1 · 28/11/2025 17:38

Been there and it’s annoying, especially when people are also reluctant to move their bags off the empty seat. Worst case was a woman cautioned me that she hoped i wouldn’t be talking to my dh (across the aisle) as she wanted peace and quiet - karma happened as a family boarded seconds later and their dc proceeded to play fight across the aisle noisily the 2.5 hour journey to London, never have i enjoyed the sound of kids playing more!

myglowupera · 28/11/2025 17:39

If she wanted to sit with her mum then she should have got there earlier or reserved the seats.

tokennamechange · 28/11/2025 17:43

PatThePenguin · 28/11/2025 17:32

Gosh that's a lot of typing for such a simple YANBU 🤣

She should've either pre-booked or asked someone if they wouldn't mind moving, rather than the passive aggressive walking up and down, talking to her mum 🤷‍♂️

How do you know I didn't voice to text it and add to the passive aggression? 😂

I'm still on the bus so have absolutely nothing better to do then explain the scenario in full and explicit detail 😁 (although I was/am listening to a podcast at the same time).

OP posts:
TheatricalLife · 28/11/2025 17:44

Why would two strangers choose to sit next to each other when there are empty sets of seats?! Like fuck am I voluntarily making myself uncomfortable. If the coach is busy and I have to share, no problem. Otherwise, it's first come, first served. If she wanted a pair of seats, she should have arrived earlier. I'm sure they will survive being two adults. I've got no time for the performative passive aggression either. Shut up or ask someone if they would mind moving.

BillieWiper · 28/11/2025 17:45

What a fair bit also stupid comment for her to make.

Of course she hates people sitting alone if she's in a two.

But realistically if someone gets on a bus with empty window seats or doubles they're not going to sit next to a random. That would seem equally odd etiquette.

She should've politely asked someone if they'd mind swapping. But be fully prepared for a no. I personally would switch if I was alone and the people who wanted the seat were polite, friendly etc.

Coffeeishot · 28/11/2025 17:47

If people want to sit together they really need to be there early don't they? I bet they are still huffing and huffing now, shouting over are you OK!!! It really is a case of first come first served.

BiddyPopthe2nd · 28/11/2025 20:06

YANBU.

in Europe, you not only have the option of booking a seat, but paying an extra €5 to keep the seat next to you free (some people do very long journeys). How would these people have reacted to that?!

“Oh here, there’s 2 empty aisle seats next to each other, let’s take these.”
”Sorry luv, that’s not available as I paid extra to have the 2 seats”…
”That’s not faaaiiir”

LighthouseLED · 28/11/2025 20:15

YANBU

The ones who do this on trains also annoy me. Particularly in peak commuter time when they try and go further down the train and then come back and are surprised when the original seats have now gone.

UnctuousUnicorns · 28/11/2025 20:19

BillieWiper · 28/11/2025 17:45

What a fair bit also stupid comment for her to make.

Of course she hates people sitting alone if she's in a two.

But realistically if someone gets on a bus with empty window seats or doubles they're not going to sit next to a random. That would seem equally odd etiquette.

She should've politely asked someone if they'd mind swapping. But be fully prepared for a no. I personally would switch if I was alone and the people who wanted the seat were polite, friendly etc.

Edited

This happened with DH and me one journey. I politely asked a man if he wouldn't mind moving so that DH and I could sit together. He agreed to. Nice man, we were very grateful. 🙂

InterestedDad37 · 28/11/2025 20:52

YANBU 👍
I'd offer to move, unless it meant giving up a window seat. You'd have to pay my fare for that.

Redpeach · 28/11/2025 21:03

Can't they just sit near each other, across the aisle, or get on earlier

iSage · 28/11/2025 21:30

On a long journey I prefer a window seat, so I'm not going to take an aisle seat or move to one for someone else unless they have an exceptionally compelling reason to sit together. I'd swap for a different window seat.

PollyBell · 28/11/2025 21:36

If people want to sit together they should book together, if there is no option to then they can try and get their early

If you dont book you can't whinge afterwards bus train or plane

tokennamechange · 28/11/2025 21:44

BiddyPopthe2nd · 28/11/2025 20:06

YANBU.

in Europe, you not only have the option of booking a seat, but paying an extra €5 to keep the seat next to you free (some people do very long journeys). How would these people have reacted to that?!

“Oh here, there’s 2 empty aisle seats next to each other, let’s take these.”
”Sorry luv, that’s not available as I paid extra to have the 2 seats”…
”That’s not faaaiiir”

Yeah you can do that with flixbus too, and with NE you can reserve seats so I suppose works out the same, in that you would just have to pay for two seats next to each other. But why pay extra when you can just moan at the audacity of other people for not leaving half the coach free just in case you might turn up?!

They all ended up within 2 or 3 seats of each other by the way, e.g. across the aisle from one another/1 row behind so really no idea why the angst. tbf none of the others made any comment so perhaps loudmouth was the token Group Wanker and they were secretly quite please to have a bit of space from her 😊

I remember one family holiday we were flying back longhaul and were told apologetically one seat would be on their own - we'd spent so much time together we almost came to fisticuffs over who would get to have it!

OP posts:
UnctuousUnicorns · 28/11/2025 22:20

I should add that we were travelling on a rail strike day, so noone would have had a double seat to themself for much of the journey - in fact it filled up completely at the following stop.

DeftLurker · 28/11/2025 22:36

YANBU but she sounds like she may have been a bit worked up and anxious about travel and that's how it came out.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 28/11/2025 23:05

DeftLurker · 28/11/2025 22:36

YANBU but she sounds like she may have been a bit worked up and anxious about travel and that's how it came out.

Anxious people don't tend to make loud snide remarks to strangers in public.

PollyBell · 28/11/2025 23:08

DeftLurker · 28/11/2025 22:36

YANBU but she sounds like she may have been a bit worked up and anxious about travel and that's how it came out.

So being rude is now labelled as ''anxious'

thebrollachan · 28/11/2025 23:08

When I did O-level Chemistry (back in the megalithic era) I was taught that electrons fill up orbitals like people fill up double seats on a bus - no double occupancy until every orbital has one electron each.

So it's a Law of Nature!

DeftLurker · 28/11/2025 23:12

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 28/11/2025 23:05

Anxious people don't tend to make loud snide remarks to strangers in public.

I don't know, I see a lot of this type of thing on public buses. It's obviously a very strange complaint to be making so there's probably something else going on (I would think).

DeftLurker · 28/11/2025 23:14

PollyBell · 28/11/2025 23:08

So being rude is now labelled as ''anxious'

There's being rude and there's behaving in a very strange way socially.

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