Do you put your head above the parapet at work?

[Mygardenandme]

I'm just a bit pissed off really.

I dont get political, I dont get involved with things above my grade, I do as I'm told. Sometimes I'll say "that's not the best way of doing x. Why not try this" but most of the time I'm told "no" so I just nod with most things now.

Last week, everyone had gone home apart from a newbie and me. The newbie was stuck on a peice of work so I suggested I different way of doing it. Most people do it that way so it was correct. All fine I thought. No big deal.

Their manager sent me an email the next day telling me not to interfere or undermine her again. Obviously she cc'd in all the senior managers and the rest of the team. Most of my team rolled their eyes and reminded me that she isnt a nice person and is on a power trip.

This is the latest in a series of of telling offs (from her in particular). I honestly dont know what Ive done wrong most of the time. I dont think Im overstepping or not "being corporate". It really is coming from the right place.

Anyway, next time I'm just going to say "sorry, I cant help" (I really mean that). I'm going to not have an opinion on anything. OK, I will but I'll keep it to myself.

I told a colleague that I trusted and she went straight to my manager who then expressed her "disappointment". I now know not to trust that colleague. In fairness I think he was trying to help by telling her I was upset bit still.

Just wholely pissed off about everything. I'm just going to become a yes man.

It's sad because up until maybe 6 months ago, I really liked this job.

I wouldn’t ignore.
I’d reply back and say newbie was unable to do the task and you (manager) were not in the office. You were attempting to assist a new colleague when no one else was available. The process you showed her is the one many in team are using. If this is incorrect then please can they clarify process with training for all the team. Going forward you will tell newbie to speak to you (manager) if she has queries re her work or the manager above if unavailable but the practice in team has always been to try and support and assist colleagues.

No I'm not.

I get regular bonuses for my work. I have been there 5 years. Customers respect me and ask to speak to me specifically.

I am perfectly capable of showing someone a way of doing something the way that most people do it.

I should have been clearer. She isnt my manager. Her team and my team do the same job.

🤣🤣🤣

He was cc'd into her email. I said that it had upset me and that I was just going to tell them to sort it out themselves in future. I was professional. I did not bitch about her or anyone else. I dont think he was telling tales.

I’d reply factually to the manager’s email and ask cc’d in to clarify newbie was stuck on a piece of work and asked for help, which of course I did - in line with a good office culture. I can confirm that, as per your email, I won’t do this again, but please ensure your team is appropriately supported in future.

So think of a customer database as an analogy. They were told to search by telephone number. The telephone number is finickity. It depends on how people input it, if there are spaces, country codes, 0 at the front of mobile numbers, being entered correctly even etc. It isnt the most efficient or reliable way of searching.

The newbie couldnt find the data by searching for the telephone number.

I showed him a way to search by name. Most people search by name for the above reason.

Surprise! He found the customer.

Nope, I do my job. I do it well, I get paid, and I don't give a fuck about anything else going on. Or what anyone else is doing.

Leave them to it.

@Alongwalky you automatically jumped "you're crap" meaning you dont trust your staff or have faith in their abilities. I bet you are a micro-managing nightmare to work with.

I think you were actually behaving in the way any valuable & supportive team member would. Your manager is an arse hat.
I once got fired from a job in hospitality when I was younger for something fairly similar. It was a customers wedding and the inexperienced teen staff had all been stood having a chin wag for getting on a hour or so rather than glass collecting. The bar eventually came to a standstill. No drinks could be served. I tried to find the bar manager for a good 15 minutes (I didn’t work in the bar) but in the end I (in a completely lovely way) asked the younger staff if they could please ‘help me out’ (with a big smile) as I ran around grabbing glasses. I was still in probation and got sacked for it. Apparently I shouldn’t have been telling staff from other departments what to do. I was just trying to encourage young staff who had no idea what they should be doing, not piss the bride & groom off and protect the venues revenue. Some people are weird as fuck. If I was the bar manager I’d have thanked me.

YABU, not because you tried to help (unless this wasn't the first time) but because of your reaction. The manager is entitled to be annoyed when you contradict the training she is giving to her new team members.

If searching by phone number is the right way according to the SOP or work instructions, then there is a reason for it and it's her job to teach the newbie how to troubleshoot this.

She didn't ask you anything, stay out of it.

So it’s the other team manager complaining you helped? I’d speak to your manager and get them to raise it.
Keep it short and to point that her manager and team were all awol, she was stuck and you assisted her. Task was able to be done. You don’t appreciate the other manager sending that email and copying in everyone. I’d expect your own manager to speak to emailing manager and say don’t behave that way to a member of my team.

Reply and ask if they meant to cc the entire business on a private matter

We have a "yes-man" at work. It is known not to trust him at all, because he will report EVERYTHING to the manager, who will then hold it over you forevermore.

We have a small number of people who try to keep their heads down, keep out of the manager's way as much as possible, etc.

Then there is me... my manager does not like women, or people who are not lucky enough to speak the local language fluently, or ones who don't give in to him. Effectively, he thinks that he is God, and the rest of us are way beneath him. He has a reputation for bullying people out of their jobs, causing our company to get a bad reputation, shreds your confidence, and has caused further MH problems within the department. Having been pulled to one side by a senior manager, who wanted to know why I was having issues at work, and it was like pulling a plug as I revealed his attitude towards us. The only reason why he wasn't sacked on the spot was because nobody else had the balls to stand up to him (he has been there for aaaaaaaages). My manager has isolated our department for years, regularly tries to ban us from speaking to certain people, and so on. Some of the stuff that he comes out with is like a terrible plot-line, but it's true. Now, whenever he starts to get out of line, I simply have to say the word, and he has an ear-bashing. He had one recently, and treats me like I have the Plague (i.e. running away and not speaking to me). Life is very peaceful at present 😁

I spent years being advised to keep my head down and keep quiet, don't kick up a fuss... and that probably didn't help when I was seen as a sitting target when I was younger. I'm not letting other people ruin my life as an adult.

Yes I would do a super passive aggressive response being incredibly nice, pointing out that colleague was stuck and that you wanted to help, and that the end result was that the work was done efficiently. Say that you’ve taken her feedback on board nonetheless, ask her to confirm
what she’d prefer you to do next time, and say that you’ll be sure to discuss it in detail with your own manager. You could even say, if you really want to twist the knife, that you think there might be some opportunities for wider collaborative learning in the future and that you’d.be prepared to help out, as you are pretty sure others follow the process you suggested at times.

Then keep your head down and wait for the manager to get found out or leave- she sounds insufferable and/ or very insecure!

I found a massive issue at work. Not an issue I created - historical and managed by a didn’t dept but affects my dept. This week I’ve been snapped at by my director in our senior team meeting and then again in the whole team meeting. By pointing out the issue the blame is on me - it’s honestly laughable. The team were shocked by her behaviour and now feel they can’t raise an issue or admit actual errors or they’ll have to be put through that. God I miss having decent leadership!

@Bearbookagainandagain it depends on details but say newbie needed to call a client at 4.30pm. She can’t find the number using the way she’s been shown. Her manager and team are all awol.
Op in a different team but in office says if you search name it sometimes does the trick. Newbie does that and can make the call.
She’s not told newbie her manager doesn’t know what she’s talking about or to ignore what she’s been trained, just suggested a work around that the teams are using in real life.
I’m 25 years of working in offices and it’s always been norm that you’d try and assist someone if you can. I would never stay out of it if I saw someone struggling and I could easily help.

It sounds like where you work is very political, or at least your manager is. So you need to tread very carefully. It’s complete bs I know but that is unfortunately how some organisations (or depts) are and if you don’t play the political game you’ll get burnt.

Edit: just to add that I do put my head above the parapet at work (quite frequently actually) but I do it very carefully having thought through the potential consequences of different approaches first and worked out what I think is the least high risk. For example, there are times when even though the message is the correct one, the messenger is absolutely going to get shot so you need to manage that very carefully to avoid the bullets.

But hang on she was trying to help when no one else was available. If the manager of the other team did have a concern it could have been dealt with at a low level by speaking to the OP, not copying all of senior management into an arsey email.

Obviously if it carries on then there might be cause to escalate but it’s basic good practice to deal with things at a low level in the first instance, and where an employee means well and is using their initiative.

OP you've done nothing wrong and everything right. The manager is an absolute dick and I wouldn't let it lie, especially since you say it's not the first time. You supported your colleague when nobody else was available. IF there was a need to pull you up on the knowledge you had shared, a dickhead email copying in all the managers is not the way to do it. Fuck that shit in your workplace. Start keeping a record of what this manager is doing.

🤣🤣🤣.

The last manager that sent me an arsey email, had one back. I then told my manager, so should the idiot report me, she was already aware. Most people avoid her anyway, so I guess it was my turn to find out.
We now do not interact at all, unless it's inevitable. She very occasionally messages me, and she does so respectfully.
I don't get paid enough to be bullied by anyone.

I try and stay out of ever but I hate seeing a new staff member confused or need help… we’ve all been there.

I don’t think I could have kept silent with that email I would have sent a passive aggressive response saying “sorry Sharon my intention wasn’t to undermine you but to help a new member of staff who needed assistance. You raise a good point though and maybe senior members of staff should be rostered on at the end of the day to ensure new staff have assistance when required. Big boss Mike what are your thoughts on senior staff ensuring they are rostered on till close with new staff?”

• insert your industry language as required

Dont help people in other teams any more. Say “I wish I could help you but sadly I’ve been criticised for trying to assist in this situation in the past. It will have to wait until you next speak to your manager.”

Don’t say anything negative to anyone- be bland.

It’s not worth it you won’t change anyone.

I called a recruiter the same afternoon after I got it in the neck for going above and beyond. I did defend myself in the call, but I was pissed off. It wasn't the first time, but that was the last straw. 2 others in my team have also left for similar reasons. I very much hope it comes to the attention of the higher ups that she is a bully, but i shan't hold my breath.

Totally this !!! I have spent so many days at work getting stressed trying to change things but makes no difference whatsoever! Do what you need to do to get work done with minimal effort to get paid and go home don’t go “ the extra mile “ it will literally get you no further ahead 🙈🤣🤣