To be struggling on 3k per month?

[Strictlyskint]

I am a single mum and really don’t know where I am going wrong. I am usually fine until there is a week to go until payday. Christmas is coming up and I am really stressing

I got it as £2200, petrol is per week too (is that right OP - that's a full tank a week?).

Still, £800 leftover after all food and bills really doesn't sound terrible to me. But it's obviously going somewhere - eating out, buying stuff for the kids/yourself, what? You need to go back through your statements and work out what is getting spent and where. There's no magic bullet: you just need to know a) what you're not able to buy that you want to and b) what that money is disappearing on.

So your actual monthly income is £3,261. Your out-goings according to your list are around £2,200.

So you have £1,000 spare each month and you say you don't know where it goes?

You certainly it need to look into that Sky bill if you aren’t even using it.

Re your mobile phone - are you on a contract whereby you are paying back the cost of your phone? Is it on a fixed term? Once you are out of the term of your contract,
don’t upgrade. I have Sim only with Lebara and it’s less than £10 per month.

Download the MSE budget planner. It helps you to work out your costs for an entire year and spread them so you know exactly what you need each month to live.

You need to literally only spend money on essentials, so bills, mortgage, food, and nothing else, so no coffees, lunches, nails etc to help you work out where your money is going. No takeaways or eating out etc.

I know cats can be fussy, but can you cut that cost of cat food down? Asda do 40 sachets for £9? and Tesco do 48 for just under £10. With that and some own brand biscuits, you could feed the cat for a lot less than £50 a month.

Clothes , shoes, makeup etc only need to be bought when they need replacing.

Is the Sky package in your ex's name? if so, then he owes the debt not you. If not then call Sky and ask if there is any way that you can end the contract by returning the equipment. Your tv should hopefully have freeview on it.

Then if you must have a tv package, you can cycle them to get more choice, so Netflix, Amazon, Apple tv, Disney+, but one at a time until you switch to another one for a while.

There are lots of ways that you can reduce the bill.

Get on a meter and this should go down to a third. It should be capped at an amount that reflects household number

@BarbarasRhabarberba

i get £2200 petrol and food are weekly figures so I did x 4

even so that’s £800 left for treats, days out etc

as others have said you need to track your spending, so how much exactly is spent, then look at your food bill, can you shop cheaper.? Do you meal plan? £70pw on petrol seems a lot as well,

@Strictlyskint I've just seen that you pay £150 for a water a month?! Is that right?!?!

We're not on a meter and we pay £20 a month (3 bed 2 bath house) and have done for years now?!

I find that when I write down every single penny I spend (with a pen and paper, not on the phone), so every little thing, every coffee, every bar of chocolate, and every large item, I really notice what I'm doing, and find it easier to cut back on the things that aren't essential.

There must be other places you're spending than just your list?

Car insurance sounds high, is it £70 per month? (£840 per year?).

Have you checked re gas & electric if you have credit in your account? Sometimes the direct debit is more than the bill, but they keep taking it (eg through the summer to pay for winter increase), but you might have quite a credit and could get some back if that is the case, alternatively, ask about switching tariffs?

Again, petrol sounds high per week, but am guessing this is for going to school or work, but are there little things you can do, for example, if your boot is really full can you empty it, to make the car a little lighter and use marginally less petrol), just being mindful?..

If you do your food shopping at the end of the day, there are often reduced items too so you could maybe cut back there.

There's also an app, and I can't remember what it is called, but it is where local food suppliers/stores sell off 'leftovers' at the end of the day for a fraction of the cost. A lot of students use this app and that might be helpful too.

Tinned per food is cheaper than sachets and trays and better for recycling than plastic.

You sound quite passive. Time to take control, especially if you are newly single.

Why isn't your council tax on direct debit?

How you manage that? Two adults and one child here and we NEVER buy alcohol. Spend at least £150.

I think, gently, YAB a little U to be struggling on over £3K a month but it sounds like you don't have much of a system. Your income is decent but doesn't mean you can spend all over the place without thinking. I think set up all your direct debits to go out early in the month. See if you have savings pots in your bank account (mine does). I transfer £75 a month car costs, £50 a month Christmas and £600 a month food into their own savings pots. It's easy to transfer over when I need them.

Look through a couple of bank statements and log every spend in each month in a spreadsheet under categories: Food, clothes, car, child expense, days out etc. You should then be able to see where your money is going and identify what you could cut back on.

Some things I do to save - I colour my hair at home, use Vinted to buy most of my younger DC's clothes, cut older DC's hair at home, I don't have any beauty treatments (nails, facials etc), I use up makeup I already have and don't buy much new. I do get a skin&me subscription (£25 a month) but all other skincare is fairly simple/budget.

In terms of food, I food shop once a week at Aldi and meal plan. Some nights we just have something cheap like fish fingers or pasta pesto. I don't buy too much expensive soft fruit, we have apples, satsumas, bananas. Frozen fruit and veg is good.

I have but I literally have to save throughout the year for my daughter's birthday and Christmas - so £50 or £100 here or there. I also do not get child maintenance either so it is all (wonderfully!) down to me to do.

It may seem daunting but once you get on top of it for a few months, it will become second nature to you and your money will stretch a little further 🙂

@Strictlyskint
So your monthly income = £3261
Outgoings listed = £2310 (listed petrol/food as weekly so x by 4.5 to get pcm)
Balance left is actually £951 pcm
You haven't listed insurances for house + pet or tv license or MoT/servicing/road tax etc and presumably you have DC activities to pay wkly/pcm too. Then there's birthdays/xmas/clothing/holidays etc and there's no budget for that. You have no savings plan. I think your main problem is that you're clueless about how to budget because this should be more than enough to live on and save. It is possible to learn budgeting.

Your petrol is high at £315pcm. Do you need to drive so much or can you reduce that by walking? How old are your DC - can they walk distances or is this a time issue for going from home to school to work and then back again? Look to see if car is too heavy on petrol use or where you could walk/bus/cycle instead (easy to say I know but...)

Your food is £675pcm. Do you plan food buying by making lists or do you buy the same staples every week plus what ever you fancy - if so stop. Do a complete food inventory this weekend of fridge/cupboards/freezer and see what you can use over the coming weeks plus what you don't use or use a lot etc. Throw out stuff that's out of date and give away what you don't use to a food charity - clearer cupboards/freezer give you an idea of what you already have or need. Write a menu on a 4 weekly rota and stick to it - create a speadsheet or you can buy blank menu pads. Can you cook or do you buy ready made? You and your DC have favourite foods so base a menu around this. Stick to your list when shopping and maybe allow 1 treat item that's on offer and not on the list each week. I use a Nectar card each week and plan menus around the deals offered and I save up all my points to use at Christmas for food.

Sky is too much unless you're paying for something gimmicky like Sky Glass - is this in your name if it was taken out with a partner? Are you in contract to Sky? If not then you need to be firm with Sky about cancelling. Give them the required notice and cancel the DD. If equipment needs returning then they should be sending you the means to return it. What amount are they asking for if you try to cancel?
How are you currently viewing tv entertainment? Think about getting a Firestick or NOW stick/box or similar which will be way cheaper.

Sign up to Martin Lewis' Money site. He does give lots of great advice and you can learn to budget from there. With the income you have, you should be saving £300pcm plus £100 to cover things like car expenses & insurances, birthdays etc - it is always cheaper to pay for things yearly rather than monthly.

You need to spreadsheet up one month. Put everything in a long list. If I do that with mine it's got things like - £13.47 Vinted, £6.40 Costa, £17.99 Amazon, £10 for birthday party gift for kid's friend...

What I did when I had more month than money for it was list everything I'd spent money on in the previous month that wasn't an absolute necessity. I discovered that I was frittering money on eating out, snacks from the corner shop and takeaways. I cut lunch out and takeaways to once a month, stopped going for coffee when I was out shopping and buying 99% of my snacks and other food in supermarkets. It has made a difference but you have to be disciplined.

That is high for a typical user, so if on SVR should be paying in the region of £150 a month. OPs mortgage is at a level which suggests that they don’t live in a huge house and with three of them, they should be in line with a typical user rather than a high user. Most people are pretty clueless when it comes to utility bills, so its always worth looking to make sure you are being billed correctly (based on usage and not estimates) and are on the best tariff for your own circumstances (generally a fixed tariff).

Yes, i think so. On paper I have a good job. Like you have a smallish mortgage. But I was in the red every month.
It is tough to look after children as a truly lone parent. I found the chatgpt budget helped me.

And can I just say, I WAS in the red every month. I hated looking at my bank account. I dreaded the thought of looking through all my expenditure.
But there are things that pop up regularly that you don't consider. Essential house maintenance or repair. Washing machine goes. Boiler service. Tap not working. Kids' hobbies and afterschool. Pocket money. Their birthdays and other occasions. Friends' birthdays. Parking. Haircuts. Clothes. Shoes. Gym. Child needs dental treatment etc.
Where i spent money not noticing was paying higher electricity, phone and broadband without realising and discretionary spending on that coffee, snack etc.
Writing down then into your budget does help you think about what you are spending. You can do it.
Honestly I find my food bill is a big expense and getting harder every month.

This isn't what you spend though, is it? You'd need to go through all your income and expenditure for the last year to find that out.

You're forgetting all the other categories of unpredictable expenditure e.g. school clothes, haircuts, MOTs etc.

Here is the list of my annual expenses from the last calendar year. My husband pays for internet and most of the food shopping and his expenditure on car/union fees/life insurance and personal spending isn't included here.

02/11/2024 to 27/11/2025:

#House Deposit Savings
Husband ISA payments: -£14,886.98
My ISA payments: -£10,554.12
My ISA interest: -£213.78
Husband ISA interest: -£79.99
My premium bonds: -£1.00
Expenses
Home improvements: -£11,997.22 (new bathroom)
My personal: -£2,243.18
Eating out: -£1,168.07
Presents/parties: -£1,136.32
Xmas: -£828.60
Health: -£661.10
Work lunches: -£639.75
Food: -£596.54
Home items: -£505.82
Adult time/babysitting: -£345.50
Days out: -£259.05
Emergency: -£80.00
Miscellaneous: -£56.85
Husband personal: -£22.98

Bills
#Mortgage: -£3,959.14 (paid off our mortgage this year so lower than before)
Council tax: -£2,132.19
E.on: -£1,775.56
Life and critical illness insurance: -£1,193.96
Professional fees: -£529.70
Water: -£447.34
Home/contents insurance: -£347.35
Window cleaning: -£184.00
TV licence: -£174.50
Gutters: -£110.50
Phone: -£101.01
Garden waste: -£100.00
Investment fees: -£4.95
#Extra payments
Mortgage overpayment: -£13,716.20
Husband mortgage OP: -£1,000.00
Surplus account overpayment: -£822.01
Kids
#Difference between nursery/wraparound care: -£3,715.45 (will be saved after child started school)
Wraparound care: -£3,330.86
Nursery: -£2,081.23
Clothing: -£1,248.80
Swimming: -£980.00
Music/other activities: -£886.38
Kids other: -£649.89
School meals: -£530.00
Holiday clubs: -£173.00
School trip: -£57.00

Holidays
Accomodation: -£2,183.76
Food: -£782.68
Eating out: -£663.34
Miscellaneous: -£352.59
Days out: -£170.89
Tolls: -£127.92
Insurance: -£77.53
Unknown: -£12.10
Car
Fuel: -£2,099.16
Service/MOT: -£388.88
Car repair: -£371.58
Insurance: -£244.71
#LISA
Lisa payments: -£3,999.96
Lisa interest: -£1,952.00
Subscriptions
Singing lessons: -£650.00
Husband sport subs: -£582.30
Charity: -£419.00
Amazon prime: -£107.88
Gym: -£95.00
Other subscription: -£50.99
Apps/other: -£31.86
Miscellaneous

Car/Travel Continued
Insurance: -£244.71
Breakdown: -£74.14
Parking/tolls: -£64.90
Bus/p&r: -£47.35
Taxes: -£35.00
Car wash: -£13.00
Other: -£7.00

That's down to your poor planning around finances, no other reason.

There are going to be some more essential costs out of this such as children’s clothing,
including uniform, any afterschool clubs, other school costs, plus Christmas and birthdays to save for.

OP - does the children’s father help at all? Do they see him?

Previous posters telling her that people on benefits are apparently raking it in in comparrison.

I was hoping to go on holiday next year, is that ever going to be a possibility?

@Strictlyskint
Yes, a holiday is a possibility if you take action now to sort your spending - it may not be far or exotic but it is achievable. You have had plenty of advice on here about how to get a budget under way.

Go through bank statements for the last 12 months and highlight in different colours the spending that is main bills, needs and what is frivolous or a want to see where the money goes.

Negotiate variable bills like insurances/Sky

See where you can cut fuel & food

Treat savings as a main bill and the same for the amount set aside for yearly bills like car stuff.

Give yourself a 'fun' money allowance every week - if you don't spend it then carry it over to the next week.

Do all of the above and you will become money/spending aware

Write up a proper budget and stick to it and stop being so dithery!