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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be struggling on 3k per month?

238 replies

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 11:04

I am a single mum and really don’t know where I am going wrong. I am usually fine until there is a week to go until payday. Christmas is coming up and I am really stressing

OP posts:
Glowingup · 27/11/2025 12:49

SJone0101 · 27/11/2025 12:46

I have just done a benefits calculator.

2 adults both earning £20,000 a month (£1.5k after tax PCM)
2 Children age 8 and 6 (both girls)
Rent £1000pcm

They would receive their £3k a month in wages, plus £1109.53PCM inc Child Benefit.

£1000 more than this lady who has all of that responsibility alone.

Their rent would be double her mortgage though and depends where you live as to whether you’d be able to get a big enough rental property for that - definitely not where I am. But I agree that is really unfair and messed up. But she should be fine on 3k with a mortgage of 500 something a month.

Isekaied · 27/11/2025 12:49

cannotmakedecisions · 27/11/2025 12:41

Because there’d be an extra person to support.

No it's because there's only one person earning.

Singles earning a high amount are unfairly taxed. Compared to household incomes.

2 people earning the same amount would get way more benefits. And op may even be getting some of her child benefit reduced because of her income.

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:49

The only thing I feel good about is that I don’t have any debt/credit cards/overdrafts

OP posts:
RayofSunshine18 · 27/11/2025 12:50

I am a single mum and earn less than you do. My bills are also a little higher and I live in an expensive part of the country.

Change all of your direct debits and bills to leave your account on the 1st of the month. Open yourself a second bank account and move the remainder of your monthly money into the second account on the 2nd of the month. Calculate from how much is left, how much you should be spending per week. Every Sunday (or which ever day suits you) evening, move the next weeks money so you are essentially giving yourself an allowance. Once your money for the week is gone, its gone - this way it will last you.

Overthebow · 27/11/2025 12:50

you don’t need Sky, it’s very expensive so you could cancel that. Replace with Netflix.
your water bill is high, phone bill is high, food bill is high.

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:52

Overthebow · 27/11/2025 12:50

you don’t need Sky, it’s very expensive so you could cancel that. Replace with Netflix.
your water bill is high, phone bill is high, food bill is high.

I don’t even use sky at all, since I split with ex I haven’t even plugged it in but they keep sending me bills and asking for the equipment which I need to apparently pay for

OP posts:
Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:53

RayofSunshine18 · 27/11/2025 12:50

I am a single mum and earn less than you do. My bills are also a little higher and I live in an expensive part of the country.

Change all of your direct debits and bills to leave your account on the 1st of the month. Open yourself a second bank account and move the remainder of your monthly money into the second account on the 2nd of the month. Calculate from how much is left, how much you should be spending per week. Every Sunday (or which ever day suits you) evening, move the next weeks money so you are essentially giving yourself an allowance. Once your money for the week is gone, its gone - this way it will last you.

Have you managed to save for Christmas?

OP posts:
Scarlettpixie · 27/11/2025 12:54

Start out by listing all your direct debits. I have loads more than you have listed. What about the following:

Life and critical illness cover
Building and contents insurance
Broadband
Pet insurance
Car tax
TV licence

Do you pay anything for your kids? After school clubs, activities, pocket money.

You make no allowances for clothes, dentist, opticians, gifts, vets, holidays, days out, socialising, etc

Do you ever eat out, socialise? Do you buy books, music, toys? Do you go on holiday, to the cinema, days out? Opticians? Do you buy prescriptions?

When you factor in some of these things that are ad hoc spends, you start to see where your money is going.

Keep a log for a whole month of all your direct debits and then everything you spend in addition. It can be quite eye opening.

Your water is high and I would look at getting a meter. Food also seems high but it depends on the age of your kids. Sky and phone are also things to look at. I have just ordered an iphone 17 and will be paying £30 for that and £10 for my sons contract (he is getting my old iphone 14 for Christmas).

AliceMcK · 27/11/2025 12:55

What you really need to do is go through your bank statements and see exactly where the money is going.

ignore your parents, a lot of them still think in the days a pint of milk cost 10p

Do you pay for school lunches? I’m forever topping up my dcs lunch accounts. Do you pay for school transport? Clubs? What about the constant requests for money from schools, have you added up how much you pay here?

School uniforms
general clothes
shoes and trainers
activities with the kids - all these cost money too.

StressedLP1 · 27/11/2025 12:56

£1500 in the ‘?’ category each month is a lot.

Export your bank account transactions (and credit card if you use one) into a spreadsheet for the last three months and work out wtf it’s going. You say 150 for food, but maybe it’s a lot more if you’re ordering takeaways etc.

I found I was slinking a lot on Amazon (so easy, don’t even have to change out if PJs) so I have an Amazon embargo now.

From January put money aside each money for Christmas - totally takes the stress out. I do it for other annual costs too like insurance, boiler service etc.

get rid of sky, even if they charge you for the equipment - you will save in the long run.

Mobile bill is high - you can get 3 giffgaff SIMs for a tenner each.

Water is v high too - I’m same as you (sp with two kids) and ours has just gone up to £30 a month.

the priority though is to work out where that £1500 is going.

twiddleit · 27/11/2025 12:57

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 11:18

So I have,

mortgage 550
council tax 170
phone bill 60
car insurance 70
water 150
gad and electric 200
petrol 70 pw
cat food 50 pm
food 150 pw
sky 70

Hair? Nails? Make up? Clothes? Takeaway coffee? Buying lunch at work?

small things but jeez they add up quick!

VanCleefArpels · 27/11/2025 12:58

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:52

I don’t even use sky at all, since I split with ex I haven’t even plugged it in but they keep sending me bills and asking for the equipment which I need to apparently pay for

In whose name is the contract? Have you spoken to them?

Bluefloor · 27/11/2025 12:59

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:26

If I cancel sky do I need a TV license?

It depends if your planning on watching live tv. I’ve just cancelled ours and I’m planning on buying a Roku stick which is £20. We already have this in another room, and is great for accessing Netflix etc for a one off cost.

AgnesX · 27/11/2025 12:59

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 11:23

I really don’t know.

If you don't know how are the rest of us supposed to.

Have you looked at Amazon, Uber, ATM withdrawals, takeaways, clubs, treats when the kids ask, clothes shopping on a weekend, drinks? The list of places that you can dribble your funds is never ending. Be honest with yourself!

Isthisreasonable · 27/11/2025 12:59

Bluefloor · 27/11/2025 12:18

I started doing a zero based budget. So every penny is accounted for. You’ve got approx £700 a month left over, so you need to find a home for all that money. Either by creating a standing order so you’re paying yourself in to a savings account, or creating envelopes / pots.
Also cat food is fairly expensive, we spend £15 every month for two cats.
Phone bill, I would look if you can reduce this.
Water is very high, but I think this is are dependent.

How are you managing to feed 2 cats on £15 pm? A box of 40 sachets is normally upwards of £12, even 2 small cats should be sharing 5 sachets a day. Are you just giving them dry food?

BetterOffNow · 27/11/2025 12:59

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:52

I don’t even use sky at all, since I split with ex I haven’t even plugged it in but they keep sending me bills and asking for the equipment which I need to apparently pay for

Tell them you're cancelling and ask them to send you something to return the equipment in. They can be quite persuasive trying to get you to stay but stay strong and think about how much you'll be saving!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/11/2025 13:01

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:52

I don’t even use sky at all, since I split with ex I haven’t even plugged it in but they keep sending me bills and asking for the equipment which I need to apparently pay for

Why don’t you just send the equipment back to them? This doesn’t make sense

StruggleFlourish · 27/11/2025 13:01

Other people have suggested this but what I do is write down everything that goes out in terms of money and I mean everything.
All of your major bills are easy, they might even be directly taken out of your bank account so you know exactly how much those are,
But I'm talking about every single time your physical or digital wallet opens and I mean for a coffee, a treat, donation rounded up at the register for charity, a lotto ticket, anything.
That part will be hard to remember to write down because you sometimes forget, but write it on your hand or in your phone as soon as you pay something unusual.
And then write it on a big piece of paper when you get home maybe in the kitchen. By date. Just keep a running tally of everything that goes out.
Chances are you'll still forget something but at the end of the month, you can go through and you can find out where the money went.

No, you might have some subscriptions or other online leeches that you forgotten about, some of which may be completely legitimate like you might be paying for cloud storage photos or online antivirus protection, stuff that you've been doing for years and you forgotten about, you'll have to do a little more research to find those once a year recurring subscriptions that have flown your mind.
Additionally I believe that there are some online services/apps that you can utilize to help you find these subscriptions that you're paying for that you might have forgotten about.

Money that comes in is important, but money that goes out is equally important.
And it's really easy to know how much money comes in. Typically as you mentioned that is your monthly wages and your child support. There is no other money coming in.
But the money that goes out is fugitive, it goes out in big things it goes out in little things it flies out seasonally, that's what you got to try to figure out where it's leaking from.

And I can't tell from your posts if your parents are being a pain or if they are trying to show genuine concern. Perhaps a bit of both. Well I do believe that they are correct in saying with the amount of money that you make and the amount of people you're supporting you should be able to have some money left at the end of the month, don't consider yourself to be a financial failure just yet. You've just got to figure out where that extra money is going. You've already accounted for about half of your income and you can't figure out where the other half's going so that's what you got to figure out. But congratulations for having us be concerned, something that you're trying to fix, and also having no debt at the end of the month. Cuz that's great.

(Edited because I forgot to add, you already know that you're paying for sky service and you say you don't use it, but you're paying every month for the equipment which you haven't returned yet. Well that's already a pretty big red flag to me, there must be other things like this that you've just forgotten about or you think are too much trouble to go after, and they're bleeding your wallet.)

pocketpairs · 27/11/2025 13:02

You answered your own question..you're frivolous.

Bluefloor · 27/11/2025 13:04

Isthisreasonable · 27/11/2025 12:59

How are you managing to feed 2 cats on £15 pm? A box of 40 sachets is normally upwards of £12, even 2 small cats should be sharing 5 sachets a day. Are you just giving them dry food?

Yeah we get kibble, the pouches are usually not very good quality. The sachets are also substantially more expensive than tinned equivalent.

Loveduppenguin · 27/11/2025 13:06

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 12:52

I don’t even use sky at all, since I split with ex I haven’t even plugged it in but they keep sending me bills and asking for the equipment which I need to apparently pay for

When is the contract up? You just don’t renew and send back the equipment then.

ChristmasTimeChristmasJoy · 27/11/2025 13:06

£1500 is a lot to not know where it goes. You need to go through your bank statements and work it out. Yabu.

StrawberrySquash · 27/11/2025 13:06

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 11:14

my parents make me feel terrible as they said I should be absolutely loaded. Im
not

Have they got a paid off/ancient tiny mortgage/capped rent? It can be easy not to realise how rents have risen if they no longer have that expense at a current level.

YourOnMute · 27/11/2025 13:09

I'm a lone parent, no maintenance 🙄, children with one in university and finding it really tough due to this. I have a good income but again, not entitled to anything.
I was finding it really tough.
What I did was I took two months bank statements and I write out everything...everything that I spent.
I then collated all that (food, eating out, diesel, parking etc) and asked chatgpt to give me a budget, which it did. I have all my bills accounted for, subscriptions, direct debits, kids' costs etc etc. It came up with a budget, with food, clothes, social, misc, medical etc
So i have a copy and I log each spend against the "budget". I can't overspend if I dont have it spare. It helps me keep my spending in check.
I'm now breaking even, but I have no capacity to save. Better than it was.
Ring Sky and cancel. Its the only way.

Strictlyskint · 27/11/2025 13:12

YourOnMute · 27/11/2025 13:09

I'm a lone parent, no maintenance 🙄, children with one in university and finding it really tough due to this. I have a good income but again, not entitled to anything.
I was finding it really tough.
What I did was I took two months bank statements and I write out everything...everything that I spent.
I then collated all that (food, eating out, diesel, parking etc) and asked chatgpt to give me a budget, which it did. I have all my bills accounted for, subscriptions, direct debits, kids' costs etc etc. It came up with a budget, with food, clothes, social, misc, medical etc
So i have a copy and I log each spend against the "budget". I can't overspend if I dont have it spare. It helps me keep my spending in check.
I'm now breaking even, but I have no capacity to save. Better than it was.
Ring Sky and cancel. Its the only way.

Is your financial situation similar to mine then,

OP posts:
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