If you knew your son had bought you an unsuitable gift for Christmas would you say something?

[polarbebe]

I have just been put on a medication which means I can no longer drink.
He’s bought me a bottle of wine for Christmas.
I don’t want to offend him but he could give it to someone else as it would be wasted on me and I’d feel guilty just giving it away when it could make a nice present for someone else and save him money.
Or do I not say anything and just accept it and say thank you.
I only know because he mentioned what he’d bought to my husband and he mentioned it to me because of the new medication. I don’t know why he didn’t say something to him at the time but now I know I feel I should tell him shouldn’t I?
Obviously he needs to know for future reference.

More evidence of the headache that buying gifts for people brings.

Yeah I’d say something. Actually I’d tell my husband to use a bit of common sense and say something himself! But if he doesn’t then yes you should. Otherwise it’ll come up later and he may feel bad, or he’ll ask why you haven’t opened it and you’ll have to lie, etc etc.

Helpful first comment.

OP I would get your DH to just go back to him and say oops I've realised mum can't drink anymore on her new meds! Want to give the wine to someone else and buy her something else?
That's sweet he's already bought you a present OP.

Yes I’d do this. Less ‘embarrassing’ than coming from recipient and gives him a way out prior to you officially knowing.

Your husband is being a wet lettuce.

This is so easy for him to sort without having to involve you at all.

"Hey, son. I just remembered your mum's new medication means she can't drink alcohol. Gutting because she would have loved that wine. Do you still have the receipt, or maybe give it to someone else?"

There is literally no need for you to be involved at all - it would make it awkward where no awkwardness is needed!

Is your husband a mime? Could he have not said something?

I’d probably drop it into casual conversation about how you cannot drink because of the medication and what an annoying time to miss out on the festive drinks. Hopefully he will get the hint?
Or husband tell him ‘mums on new medication and cannot drink, why don’t you change her gift for something more suited?’

i'd just accept the wine. It's not a big deal. It's always handy to have a bottle of wine in for guests. I wouldn't make him buy you something else.

well, at that point your husband should have said "oh sorry, son, that's not appropriate for your mum" and suggested something else.

My two bought me an £175 necklace last year. It’s lovely but not my taste and I don’t expect 2 kids (18 and 16) to spend that on me! I wish I’d known that they were planning to get that and I could have talked them out of it. I’m happy with a box of chocs or a reed diffuser

Why the hell didn’t your husband just tell him? What a wally.

I think I may go with this.

Exactly.

Wouldn’t you mention to your son you’re taking new medication? ‘Oh the doc put me on X for Y, I’m going to have to stay off the alcohol now’ - then your son would not give you wine at Christmas.

Do you mean your son has told you - or just your husband (who didn't say anything 🙄)
Send a message to your son.
"Hey Son. You do realise I can't drink alcohol anymore as I am taking that medication. So no booze for me this Christmas".

Yes this is one your DH could have sorted quickly, and should do now. I’m afraid he sounds seriously lacking in initiative

Yes, he just needs to know you can’t drink. There must be an easy way to make that clear without talking about Christmas presents explicitly.

To be honest, I would just accept the wine, to save my son the embarrassment. I don't drink but still occasionally get given bottles of wine/champagne. I just thank them and stick it in the cupboard to pass on to someone else. It's only a bottle of wine; if it was something really costly I would mention it.

My brother and I bought our own parents some awful presents in our youth, but they accepted them with grace. I know that's not popular on here though.

Your DH should just tell him!

Do you ever have people over who might like to drink?

I don't drink, not for medical reasons, but I just don't have the time and I always have to be on high alert for DS who is a whirling dervish with no risk awareness, and I'm his primary carer as he is disabled.

Everybody knows I don't even have 2 minutes to have a wee in peace, and I'm selective about medications I take because I can not risk being impaired, and it's the same for drinking.

If I do get bottles of wine though, I do keep them for if guests come over and they can stop for a little drink, then I usually send them home with the rest of the bottle. I understand that a bottle of wine can be a cheap gift to make sure you're not left with nothing when money is tight, or just a token to say Merry Christmas with, so I never refuse it or say anything.

I probably wouldn’t tell him as he’ll feel like he’ll need to go out and get you a different gift.

I’d save it for when you’re off medication or gift it to someone else.

Really helpful 🙄

I'd just mention the new medication in passing and give him the chance to give the wine to someone else and get you something different. But without saying "I know what you bought me and here's why it's wrong...".

I will be on this medication for life now.

@polarbebe if I was your son I would want to know.
I wouldn't want to give my mum a gift that she literally can't use.
Just tell him 🙂