Christmas present demands

[Clockworkbananas]

Dsis and I only exchange presents for our children. A few weeks ago I messaged asking what her DD might want for Christmas, as I absolutely hate buying presents for the sake of it. She sent me a long list of ideas, mostly pretty expensive stuff like specific Barbie playsets, themed Lego, Disney play sets and dress up. I expected her to also ask what my DS would like given her list was so prescriptive, but she didn’t.

As I said it’s been a few weeks now and I’ve had a few messages from her asking when I can drop her DDs gifts off but still nothing asking what my DS might want? She’s also asking what I’ve bought so she can ensure her DD doesn’t have any duplicates that might ‘ruin her Christmas morning’. AIBU to think this is rude? If I wasn’t going to ask in return I wouldn’t have been so demanding on the initial gift list.

Just ask her what she got them?

You asked for a list so you can’t be unhappy when you gives you a list. Just reply saying “I am planning on getting x. Do you need any ideas for my kids?”

Just message her a list of suggestions of things DS might like and remind her to update you on what she's bought so that it's not duplicated. 😁

This.

(Many) MN posters have a very strange interpretation of the meaning of "demand".

A few weeks ago I messaged asking what her DD might want for Christmas, as I absolutely hate buying presents for the sake of it.
That's where you went wrong. You needed to say what your DS wanted.

My sibling would say 'I'm not getting that, he gets what he's given.'

Message and say you need to know what she has got so it doesn’t ruin Christmas

Maybe she's already bought the gift so doesn't want suggestions

Bullshit thread. People just don't speak to each order like this in the real world.

Maybe she's already bought him something?

Maybe she’s already bought your child a present or she has an idea in mind for a gift so doesn’t need suggestions? Maybe she wants to know when you are dropping off her child’s gift so she can give your child’s gift to you. I can understand, if she’s given you a list of presents her child would like, why she would want to know what you’ve decided to get so she knows she doesn’t need to get that. Or maybe she’s just grabby and self centred. You know her best so that’s for you to decide

I don't think you're being fair.

You asked her for ideas - that's fine, that's how you wanted to do it.

She maybe spotted something she wanted to give your DS and bought it - which is also fine, that's how she wanted to do it.

Some people want a list, some people enjoy choosing something without a list.

This

How can yoy be annoyed she gave a list, you asked for it!

I used to hate various relatives asking me what our DC would like for Christmas, I vowed never to do it re nieces and nephews. Perhaps your D Sis is of the same thought?

You asked what your niece wanted and she replied. Are the gifts she suggested out of line with your usual budget? Maybe she’s already bought something for your son, maybe she knows what she wants to get him so doesn’t need a list. If you wanted to share a list why didn’t you offer your list when she sent hers?

She’s also asking what I’ve bought so she can ensure her DD doesn’t have any duplicates that might ‘ruin her Christmas morning’. AIBU to think this is rude?
This is totally normal. While I don’t think it would ruin Christmas, it is deflating to get a duplicate gift as a child, and it’s your sister who’ll have to deal with the admin of exchanging gifts so why not just say you got the Moana dress and save the hassle?

I don't see the issue in letting her know what you've bought for her daughter so there isn't the Christmas morning awkwardness of 4 matching Barbie dolls.
I don't understand why you haven't just said "Here is some suggestions for (your son)" and given her a list.

Was she actually demanding?
From what you made it sound like, it's just a list of ideas. Ideas aren't demands they're just ideas.. you don't even have to get something on the list do you. Sometimes I've got had a list for my child of everything she or I might have thought of that I just send to people who ask but they just discount the things not applicable to them.

Maybe she's thought of something for your child. Or hasn't got round to it yet.

I don't get why you're getting so het up about it

When she next asks you when you're dropping off the presents, remind her that it's still November

You asked for ideas so YABU to then complain about receiving a list of ideas.
Why does she keep asking when you are bringing it? It’s not Christmas yet or is there travel involved to see each other?

Ask her to buy for her child ‘from you’ and you do the same - saves the hassle

But it’s you that asked her what your niece wanted.

Perhaps she has already thought of what she wants to get him. She may not need a list of ideas.

YABU and ridiculous.

You asked.
She told you.

Now you're cross because you asked and she told you...

Maybe she doesn't need to ask you. Perhaps she's got a great idea for your DS. Or maybe not, but at least wait and find out before you start getting aggy.

It makes perfect sense for her to check in with what you got as other people may have asked for a list too.

She was being unreasonable with the contents of the list if you have an agreed budget/usual amount that you spend and the gifts were way over that. Everything else is on you.

Id say thanks here's DSs list

She hasn't done anything even a teensy bit rude at all! She obviously knows her kid is a bit like mine and doesn't play with very much different stuff and is quite set in what he likes, so she's given you ideas so that you don't waste your money. I'm guessing you have kids about the same ages, so I presume she has some ideas about what your kid might like. I imagine that she would think you/your kid doesn't have very set ideas, given you haven't bothered give her a list, so she'll find something herself.

So much angst over minor Xmas things on here I am only surprised people live to see January.