To ask childminder not to bring DS to playgroup

[Mynumberone]

So we have a wonderful childminder, our DS is 15 months and started with childminder 5 months ago. Cannot fault her and DS loves her.

Childminder is great at bringing DS to playgroups which we love but would I be unreasonable to ask her not to bring him for a couple of weeks before Christmas. I really don't want DS picking up a bug or virus for Christmas.

He has had a few colds, nothing major and childminder has kept him of playgroup until he recovered.

I’ll go against the grain and say I don’t think you’re BU. I had a sick DS one Christmas a few years ago and it was not fun at all.

It’s not really a silly response, how many adults do you see going to the toilet and not washing their hands, flowing their nose and not washing hands and coughing into their hands, they are spreading germs as much as children are.

i can wash my hands etc as much as I like but not everyone does and it’s inevitable that I might touch a door handle or a counter where some clatter fit has been before me.

i work in early years and can assure you that no matter how many times I wash my hands I still end up with bugs and colds as it goes through the nursery like wildfire.

What do you suggest he does instead?
Also, is she actually a nanny, because a childminder tends to have more than one child to care for?

I know several childminders who operate like this. They operate almost like a midway point point between a nanny and a childminder. They charge a higher hourly rate than your average childminder, but still less than a nanny.

The ones I know are exclusively older ladies who have either been childminders for years and are now making life easy for themselves by keeping numbers really low or ex-nannies who are fed up of being employees and will take the pay cut to be in charge of their own business/work from home.

It's a good option for parents I think. Maybe something we'll see more of.

You've just proved my point though, it is silly to compare shopping or working with adults to ill children all mingling with each other.

It doesn't matter if other adults are unhygienic, if YOU are hygienic (wash hands before eating etc) then you will unlikely catch anything yourself from them, you can mitigate the risks because you know what they are, and you will be doing that for your own children in those settings as well (shopping etc). Besides, not all those people who don't wash their hands are actually ill, or ill in such a way that it would be contagious to others, and they are actually blowing their noses, and covering their mouths when they cough and sneeze.. chances of you picking something up off a door handle and transferring it to your mouth and nose are extremely slim.

Out of a class of say 30, a certain percentage will be ill at any one time, children just let snot stream down their face, wipe it with their hands then play with toys that other children are then immediately playing with, who then touch their own mouths and noses, they pass food to each other, hug, hold hands, they cough and sneeze without covering their mouths and they are in extremely close proximity to each other (and their caregivers).. you are ill all the time BECAUSE you work in early years, you wouldn't have the same problem if you worked exclusively with adults.

So OP is not wrong to want to temporarily keep her child away from that if it is optional, it doesn't mean she isn't going to go shopping or to events where she can mitigate the risks herself.. it's just why expose your child to the risk of being ill and miserable over Christmas if you don't need to? You must know working in early years that colds and cough and illnesses are rife this time of year?

I think you are if he’s the only child as stated that’s a pretty isolating time for her and your son. It’s a lovely time to mingle and do some fun things. There’s always going to be bugs and we all feel somewhat like we’re flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to being well at Christmas, but at some point DC is going to go to school, work etc. it’s going to happen, or maybe not. I could guarantee that mine, one or other, or both simultaneously would be up with croup on Christmas Eve night. Not ideal. They always had a lovely Christmas Day though with calpol and lots of fluids and cuddles. The new toys were a distraction and the Christmas movies were a chill out. It’ll be five. Enjoy the build up and magic

🙄

You’ll get accused of health anxiety etc OP. Most people on mumsnet (and the UK tbh) get weird if, god forbid, you try to avoid getting sick. Im a SAHM and we tend to do much much less socialising with other kids in the winter months. People are selfish and bring they’re clearly unwell kids to playgroups etc and we don’t want to be constnatly ill. In fact we we usually only get one cold in winter despite people saying you can catch in anywhere. If title careful and wash your hands you can reduce the risk massively whereas there is no escaping a snotty toddler dribbling all over your child. You are not unreasonable at all to request she doesn’t take him to those things in the run up to Christmas. This time tends to be peak for infections too.

I think a lot of people feel it would take far too much effort to reduce the amount their children get ill. So they accuse other people of health anxiety, or insist that it's actually good for children to keep getting sick, to avoid feeling guilty.

To deny a toddler peer interaction for a month is unreasonable.

15 month olds aren't even old enough for meaningful peer interaction, it's parallel play at that age. He'll be just fine missing playgroup for a few weeks.

I think you’re right. The reason some people’s kids are always ill is because they are being constantly exposed to new viruses before they had a chance to recover from the previous one. That doesn’t build the immune system, it weakens it, resulting in more sickness overall. The state some parents drag their children to playgroups is shocking. It’s like they can’t bear entertaining their own kids for a day even if they’re poorly.

Exactly this, some parents love to kid themselves that it’s for the child when the truth is it’s for them as it fills the day (which is fine but let’s not pretend a 15 month old will be harmed from missing playgroup).

Parallel play is an important developmental stage.

I am a childminder and as long as you’re happy for your childminder to say don’t bring your little one that day then of course you can ask. It also means you won’t be entitled to any refunds or your funding hours (assuming you’re in England and eligible) to be reoffered, you will forfeit them.

Colds are a fact of life, they happen no matter where we are, children will pass them between themselves at the setting too.

It is unfair to ask for the other children to miss out on the playgroup just for your child. If you want to minimise your child catching illnesses then you need to employ a nanny.

Oh come on. Until relatively recently, children stayed at home with their mums until they started school, and they were just fine. There's nothing wrong with playgroups; they can be good fun for children, but we all know perfectly well that they aren't essential and are more for the benefit of the adults than the children, and that a child will not be disadvantaged in any way by not going to one for a few weeks. Pretending otherwise is just silly.

Absolutely.

Unless you live alone in a bubble you can catch germs from anywhere. It may reduce the risk but picking up up bugs is part of the natural process to build up immunity. I think yabu to use a time frame, probably the most fun and festive time of the year, just in case of sniffles for one day of the year. Xx

I get where you’re coming from with Christmas coming up, but I would think it cheeky to ask and prob impossible if they look after other children. If you want that level of autonomy I think you need a Nanny (and even then groups can be part of their routine).
if i was the childminder I would be declining that request as I imagine groups like this are imperative for wellbeing for all.

I was toddler in the 80s and my Mum regularly took me to church toddler groups and I would play with sibiling and other children in the street. Raising children without other children has never been the norm in the UK.

Relatively recently as in my parents generation, my mum was born in 1960 and her and other children she went to school with just stayed at home with their mums until school started. She lived rurally without many other children around. It did them no harm. Regardless, not going to playgroup for a few weeks is not 'being raised without other children', and as you know perfectly well, will do a child no harm whatsoever. It's dishonest and silly to pretend otherwise.

Wouldn't a childminder get into trouble with ofsted if they didn't take their children out for weeks?

I think we’re just going to have to agree to disagree so we don’t derail the OPs thread.

Yes, I think that's best.

If I were a childminder with this as a request, I’d be sincerely worried about staying in, being quite lonely but doing it none-the-less, then the child getting a cold and me getting the blame 😢