AIBU to think life would be so much easier without other people!

54 replies

Person93369 · 25/11/2025 09:55

I’m so fed up with trying to keep everyone happy. My other half has 4 very lovely siblings. All married and they all love helping each other out and being there for each other without living in each others pockets.

I have one sister and she values her friends and colleagues way above me and my family. (She is single) I tried to forge a closer relationship with her years ago by inviting her here for dinner once per week. She stop after two weeks saying our house is too busy and she couldn’t relax. We have 4 children. It’s just a normal family home. She comes to us every Christmas and has her dinner then leaves. We never see each other except when it’s to do with mum. She works full time and feels that absolves her of all “caring” duties.

We were invited to a night out in an industry award thing tonight for husbands work. I’d arranged for a paid babysitter (partners family live 2 hours away or they would have sat for us. I thought this was better as it’s only a few hours) Baby sitter has developed flu and is really ill so has had to cancel. my eldest is working until 8pm. (Dinner being served at 8 so too late) So I asked my sister. She said she would check her diary and come back to me. When she did she said she was meeting a friend who she hasn’t seen for years and didn’t want to put her off.

Im Lucky enough to be a “housewife” and I spend my time caring for my mother and my family. I don’t have lots of friends because i just don’t get the time to spend with them. I’ve arranged a rather convoluted scenario with my eldest who is happy (begrudgingly ) for me to drop the others with them at work on our way to dinner and they will then sort it out from there.

Partner is pissed off that it’s become “so dramatic” (bear in mind I organised this before I went and told him babysitter had cancelled.) He’s going to go on his own now. He’s not in a mood as such but he’s pissed off.

Im so sick of people. I try my best to make everything happen in this family. I am run ragged looking after my mother and all the kids. I don’t have friends to go out and vent to so I’ll go for a walk on my own and it’s the most peaceful time. AIBU to think life would be easier on my own?

OP posts:

Bonsatater · 27/11/2025 22:14

Elsvieta · 25/11/2025 16:15

Why is it all your job to replace the cancelled babysitter? Why can't DH ask one of his helpful siblings? It's not all your own doing - DH could take some responsibility.

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Don't be so hard on yourself

JWhipple · 27/11/2025 23:20

Does DH wonderful siblings and family help out with childcare? Do you see them often? If the eldest is an adult/working, what are your plans the next few years as the children get more independent? What is DH doing, other than talking about his wonderful siblings and doing his no doubt very important job? And why do you expect your sister to do more than he is when apparently working full-time exempts him from childcare but not her?

AmIEnough · 28/11/2025 08:44

SnoopyPajamas · 25/11/2025 12:39

I don’t expect my sister to give up everything to ok after my kids.

But you do. You've decided that she must be lying to you about having plans, and whatever her real reason is for saying no, it's not good enough. She can refuse to look after your kids, but only if you decide she has an acceptable reason. Otherwise you'll get the hump with her.

And then you wonder why she lied?

I’m pissed off because she makes no effort with me or my children and she doesn’t help at all with the care our mother needs.

I'm sure she can tell. Let me guess: you stew in resentment about this and have never attempted to have an adult conversation with her about it?

You chose to have four kids, and you're choosing to take on the bulk of care for your mother. It's human to want help, and it's understandable you feel overwhelmed. But at the end of the day, these are choices you made, and you're acting like your sister owes it to you to do everything you're doing. You resent her for being single, and constantly compare her to your husband's siblings. Do you really think that's not coming across when you talk to her? I'm not surprised she ditched the weekly dinners.

Yet she will still expect me to do things for her eg retrieve parcels from her front door. Give her a lift to airport or hep her out with a late credit card bill. And yes I feel I’ve a mug.

Then say no. Make an excuse. Give her a taste of her own medicine.

You won't, though, because you're worried other people might judge you for it. And because you want to have things over your sister, as fuel for your resentment. You need these things in your back pocket, so that next time you want her to do something for you, you can say "Well I did X and Y, you owe me". (You won't actually say it to her, but you will be thinking it. Loudly. And feeling hard done by.)

You should help your sister because you want to help - not because you want to get something out of it. The way you're doing it now, you're making the relationship transactional and feeding unhealthy resentments. Maybe your sister is an ungrateful brat. But you play the martyr and feel entitled to her time. No-one is winning here.

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This nails it I’m afraid…..

Jack80 · 30/11/2025 15:23

Can your mother afford carers maybe to take the load off. Maybe you need to chat to her about this and say its carers or you share the caring for your mum equally.

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