Is this too mean?

[Supersimkin7]

Straw poll for wise women here. I think my mate at work’s been shat on. (We volunteer at the local household swap.) Do you agree?

He’s 51, has MS, now can’t work, lives in bedsit on housing and recently cut disability benefits. Meagre existence. Worked till 46. No wife or kids.

His family (parents) live same area in £2million house, inherited lots so they get about 65k a year retirement income. They 75.

He’s been referred to the food bank cos his income too low to eat, says doc. Parents don’t want to help ‘twice’. They gave £15 last year when his cupboards were empty. Bdays etc are a card and £50.00.

YABU = parents are fine and that’s normal.

YANBU = How tight can you get?

I can’t imagine being in that financial situation and not helping my child.

If his disability benefits were recently cut and he does not agree with the decision he should submit a mandatory reconsideration then possibly appeal. He can seek advice regarding this. That is in regard to his own income. As regards his parents, on the face of it yes it sounds very unfair but then is there history of some kind that has led to this dynamic?

Unbelievable I don’t know how they sleep at night knowing their son is struggling to that extent !

I wouldn't be referring to them as my parents anymore.
My df won Big Money and neither me (only dc) or my dc got a red cent.

Haven't seen him for over 25 years since he walked away mad took his dw and money with him.

I simply cannot understand the mindset of his parents

Also the MS society can provide support, particularly with the benefits issues.

My gut instinct is he isn't telling you the full story.

I assume there is some other back story to this dynamic

That’s really shit. I can’t imagine not helping my child with absolute basics like food when they have a health issue and money worries. Rich folk often seem like this. Probably how they stay so well off !

i mean, for most normal, well adjusted, loving families, it’s beyond mean. It’s downright cruel and disgusting.

However , there can be situations where it can be justifiable. Or they’re just cunts. Who knows?

Assuming there's no major factor you've left out, then yes that's very mean. I hope he'll tell them, when they ask him to do their care - these types always do, they don't want to spend what they've got in the bank - that he is not inclined to and they can organise and pay for it themselves.

I couldn't imagine having that much money and letting my child live like that. Is he estranged from them?

I would never let a child of mine live in those circumstances. However there is always 2 sides to every story and we dont know anything about anything in his circumstances so who are we to comment.

I’m rather suspicious of them re back story. They’re adamant they haven’t got any money spare. He’s been entirely self- financed since he was at university.

They managed to afford his older DSis’ wedding in full, their own golden wedding party for 100 this summer, you get the idea.

When I asked his DM how she thought he was doing healthwise she said ‘it’s his fault. He smoked.’ She also blames him for the MS depression and didn’t want to help ‘because that’s his fault.’

It’s beyond mean. I don’t know how they sleep at night.

I do think rich pensioners have a blind spot for how today’s working people and families are struggling to stay afloat though.

My parents and my In-laws (all lovely, generous people) have both said recently how much spare money they have each month due to fantastic pensions. We are lucky, they do give us handouts; so these kind of stories blow my mind.

There is a large section of 75 year old upwards who benefitted from cheap mortgages, lower interest rates, housing boom, non contributory and final salary pensions. They could at least share the wealth a bit more whilst they are alive.

Do you not think that could be a polite way of saying he fleeced us relentlessly? He smoked, as in weed, for years?

Well obviously. He’s a man, why would he tell the truth? 🙄

YANBU. It's not unusual though, I work in adult social care and come across things like this a lot! It's not all families, some are really generous, they will buy nice clothes and furnishings, pay for holidays and meals out. There are parents who don't have much money but will still do what they can, regualr visits, taking cooked meals etc but some will do nothing, I've even come across a few that financially exploit their learning disabled adult DC.

Blaming him for his disability is heartless. I’m pleased he has you. You sound like a decent friend who doesn’t like to see people you care about being shafted ❤️

YANBU

His parents sound awful - how can they sleep
at night?! That has really upset me, poor man

I don’t care - they have the money and he is their son

They possibly think if they give him money he ll spend it on drugs. They could send him a food delivery. There is likely an awful lot you don't know.

No, Benson & Hedges 😀

It is beyond my comprehension that any parent,never mind a well off parent would let their child suffer like this.

They are selfish and miserly where their son with MS is concerned but generous with themslves and their daughter.

Living in such poverty where he can't afford to buy food is going to make his illness worse. I can't imagine treating any of my children in this way.