My dad pushed my DS age 4

[clinellwipe]

Visited my parents with baby and DS4 (awaiting autism assessment, is verbal). My dad (I am CERTAIN is autistic) is very playful with my son, my son adores him. But he does run out of patience.

My dad taught my son years ago how to blow raspberries. They both do it to each other as a game, do it on FaceTime too etc.

We all are on the tail end of a flu virus. My dad is irritable because he can’t cope with feeling unwell.

Anyway, whilst I was upstairs with the baby, my son was downstairs with my parents. My son blew a raspberry at him. My dad then pushed him (in an angry, get away type way) and my son fell onto the sofa. My son thinks this is hilarious and a game because why else would his beloved grandad push him etc. My mum immediately told off my dad. My dad then says “shall I just bugger off then ?”. My dad has driven off in his car about an hour ago, no idea where and to be honest none of us are particularly fussed. It’s for the best he’s not here.

I’m fuming. My mum knows he shouldn’t have done it but doesn’t want cause a drama. My DH thinks it was a stupid thing to do but says that my dad is “like that”.

I don’t particularly want to come here for Christmas Day now as I don’t want my dad to get so angered , perhaps if he can’t cope around my son he shouldn’t be made to spend time with us. But my son adores my parents and it would upset my mum if we didn’t go.

Am I overreacting?

Your son thought it was a joke and your dad sounds like he genuinely loves your DC. Shit happens sometimes even in the best regulated households. Unless your dad is a walking red flag, then I'd let it rest to be honest.

Yeah, this. Sounds like the child was over the line.

OP's son is aged 4 and probably has autism and it was OP's dad who taught him to blow raspberries. OP's son wouldn't realise that doing this when he had a cold would be more unpleasant. It was up to OP's dad to explain why he shouldn't blow raspberries when he has a cold and runny nose rather than behaving like a spoilt child himself and flouncing off in a huff.

I think your dad probably regrets his actions which is why he huffed out. Hopefully this will blow over.

It is very hard indeed for a 4 year old to make the distinction between what is a game and what isn't, especially where his grandfather has actively and continually encouraged him to do something a bit antisocial by way of a shared joke. How does a 4 year old know when it is OK to do this or not? ..... he doesn't.

Grandfather has decided he did not want to do this at that moment, but how does the 4 year old know? How does he know when it ceases to be a game?

Grandfather knows he was out of order or he would not have taken himself off.

But it all centres on that basic parenting principle of putting yourself in the child's place and not expecting a child to have the same discriminatory skills and knowledge of social niceties as an adult. It is simply not fair.

A similar situation arose in our family where a GP was playing a game that involved gently slapping each other and the child did it when the GP had decided the game was over - child got a very angry response and a true slap - enter family rift ........

The moral is not to play that sort of game with children - rough and tumble yes, but actions that are antisocial where the child needs to be able to distinguish when it is appropriate or not - no.

This

What exactly are you accusing your dad of? Because if you are saying he is abusive to children because of this one raspberry incident he would probably rather you didn't bring your family to stay in his house.

Hows it horrible. It makes kids giggle

Fair enough dont do it when you have a cold