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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Best Universities for Autistic DD with social anxiety. Looking for flexibility

280 replies

whatisgoingonandwhy · 23/11/2025 06:18

Posting for traffic. DD has autism but is very bright academically. She struggled a lot in high school but has flown in her A levels as she is attending an online college. She would like to study psychology and work with autistic children in some capacity. Has recently started to make progress in socialising more but is extremely daunted at the prospect of having to attend classes. Are there any Uni’s that have the flexibility to attend classes in person or online, or any that are particularly supportive for those who are neurodivergent?

OP posts:
unhappybutunsureofwork · 23/11/2025 19:56

My DD also took a year out ( October birthday so one of the oldest). She is at a uni an hour from home and has her car. This has meant that she had the option of coming back for a day if needed. Knowing she has that security has been good for her. She actually hasn’t needed to bolt. Supportive phone calls have sufficed.Good luck it’s hard and a fine balance.

LighthouseLED · 23/11/2025 19:57

The world doesn’t revolve on presentations and group work.

Most professional jobs do need you to be able to present and work with others to some extent.

titchy · 23/11/2025 20:01

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 18:58

Why shouldn’t it?

Workplaces have had to. What gives HE the right to discriminate against those you perceive as ‘unfit’ for university? It’s disgusting to talk like that.

Bath was found at fault as they didn’t adapt for the girl who killed herself. And in that academics thread there was so much horror at that report about how universities should predict, anticipate and pick up even with no notified disability. Just like workplaces and schools. Because it’s the law.

Edited

Workplaces haven’t had to at all. Workplaces have to make REASONABLE adjustments. If an adjustment is too expensive, or not realistic within the role, it doesn’t have to be made.

HE is equally bound by the law, and has to make reasonable adjustments to enable the student to access the curriculum. Some will do a sterling job, others won’t. But reasonable adjustment doesn’t mean the curriculum is re-written, or the student can avoid being assessed on parts of it.

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:03

manicpixieschemegirl · 23/11/2025 19:43

Ok, so let’s just decimate universities and the lives and work of lecturers because some people have chosen to be in environments they’re unsuited to. Great plan.

How else are 'some people' going to get an education?

ThroughTheRedDoor · 23/11/2025 20:06

Sounds like UA92 would be a great fit. But I don't think they offer psychology courses yet.

Check the uni out. Its very different to what we've been used to and I think its very clever, with things like only mornings or only afternoons. And the chance to do a cert he and walk away with it or continue on to the second year of the degree. Somebody has really thought about this!

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:09

titchy · 23/11/2025 20:01

Workplaces haven’t had to at all. Workplaces have to make REASONABLE adjustments. If an adjustment is too expensive, or not realistic within the role, it doesn’t have to be made.

HE is equally bound by the law, and has to make reasonable adjustments to enable the student to access the curriculum. Some will do a sterling job, others won’t. But reasonable adjustment doesn’t mean the curriculum is re-written, or the student can avoid being assessed on parts of it.

University places don’t have to be offered.

A very reasonable adjustment is to differentiate a curriculum. It happens in every other educational establishment by law. But universities don’t have to do it🤨

What makes them so special?

titchy · 23/11/2025 20:11

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:03

How else are 'some people' going to get an education?

By making sensible choices Confused Staying local, with family support, doing distance learning with the OU, studying part time, going as a mature student having spent time developing personal and social skills for example.

manicpixieschemegirl · 23/11/2025 20:13

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:03

How else are 'some people' going to get an education?

Attending university isn’t a right. If you’re unable to fulfil the basic requirement of attending lectures then I’d question whether it was a suitable environment for you.

I imagine The OU would be more suited to those who wish to pursue higher education but require a higher degree of flexibility and a more isolated experience.

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:15

manicpixieschemegirl · 23/11/2025 20:13

Attending university isn’t a right. If you’re unable to fulfil the basic requirement of attending lectures then I’d question whether it was a suitable environment for you.

I imagine The OU would be more suited to those who wish to pursue higher education but require a higher degree of flexibility and a more isolated experience.

No, it's not a right. But I'm not sure ND people should be denied the right to push the boundaries and come out of their comfort zones a bit, either.

titchy · 23/11/2025 20:17

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:09

University places don’t have to be offered.

A very reasonable adjustment is to differentiate a curriculum. It happens in every other educational establishment by law. But universities don’t have to do it🤨

What makes them so special?

They do differentiate where it is possible to do so. But it often isn’t possible because the learning outcomes need to be met. If you’re doing a Chemistry degree you need lab skills - maybe using a particular piece of equipment. If you can’t access the lab, it wouldn’t be reasonable to let the student watch YouTube videos of others using that equipment and say that’s sufficient. It wouldn’t be. Imagine an NHS lab then employing the student - who then demands the adjustment that they don’t work in the lab.

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:17

titchy · 23/11/2025 20:11

By making sensible choices Confused Staying local, with family support, doing distance learning with the OU, studying part time, going as a mature student having spent time developing personal and social skills for example.

Sounds rather suffocating. A bit 'stay in your lane, we can't be bothered to help you grow'. And putting it off till one can go as a mature student (not always a guarantee of personal and social skills having developed, btw) presents the issue of less choice on the job market in the interim without a degree.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:17

manicpixieschemegirl · 23/11/2025 20:13

Attending university isn’t a right. If you’re unable to fulfil the basic requirement of attending lectures then I’d question whether it was a suitable environment for you.

I imagine The OU would be more suited to those who wish to pursue higher education but require a higher degree of flexibility and a more isolated experience.

No it’s not a right.

But if they get offered a place and pay the fees what happens then?

HillBetty · 23/11/2025 20:18

A friends daughter chose southhampton as she has SEN. However it will be bothered student and course dependent I suspect. Different lecturers just like teachers will make a huge difference. Good luck and well done to your Dd.

MayaPinion · 23/11/2025 20:20

The recorded lectures aren’t great. They’re certainly not broadcast quality and I wouldn’t want any of my students relying on them to get their degree. The camera angle is pretty awful and the sound quality is terrible. They’re fine in an emergency with transcription but they’re almost impossible to listen to as the mics pick up everything, not just the speaker. OP, if she’s taking a year out can she do volunteer work with a young people’s charity where she’ll actually meet the kind of people she wants to work with in the future?

You may also want to consider a smaller uni such as Solent, York St. John, or Winchester which are less overwhelming (though less highly ranked they are generally very neurodiverse positive). Make sure any course you’re applying to is BPS accredited as she’ll need that for the further study required to work in a particular field (e.g. clinical psychology, counselling psychology, or educational psychology) and subsequent practice.

stomachamelon · 23/11/2025 20:22

All of mine went to uni and I echo what @ProfessorDameMonsterSinksaid and the ones that thrived the most (all had help/dsa/ mentor) were the ones who could dip in and out of home so fairly local.

DS3 was at UEA and on paper had lots of support. He really struggled with everything else though sadly and it was not the experience he hoped for (although he graduated)

EnidSpyton · 23/11/2025 20:26

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:17

No it’s not a right.

But if they get offered a place and pay the fees what happens then?

The university should put in place reasonable adjustments to allow the student to access the course. This might be allowing a video presentation rather than a live one for an assessment, or having a scribe for exams.

For many students, this will be sufficient.

However, for a minority, even with reasonable adjustments, they will still not be able to access the academic content of the course, or the environment in which the course is delivered, and then a conversation will need to be had about whether the student can or should continue on the course.

I would also say that there is responsibility on both sides. The student is best placed to know their own needs and should do their research to find out what their university course entails to make an informed judgement as to whether they will be able to cope with it. If they know they can't cope with group work and presentations, but willingly apply for and accept a place on a Business Studies BSc that clearly states on all its course documentation that every single assessment is group work based, then they have to bear responsibility for making a choice to put themselves in that environment.

It's like applying for a job that clearly states it is a 100% office based role and the office is in Manchester, getting the job, and then turning around and saying, I can't work in the office, I live in London, I need to work from home.

BusMumsHoliday · 23/11/2025 20:28

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:09

University places don’t have to be offered.

A very reasonable adjustment is to differentiate a curriculum. It happens in every other educational establishment by law. But universities don’t have to do it🤨

What makes them so special?

What do you mean by "differentiate a curriculum"? If you mean, substitute an assessment that a student cannot perform because of their disability for another that demonstrates that they meet the learning outcomes, we do that all the time (and we have to plan the alternative assessments into new courses). If you mean, change the learning outcomes/what students need to achieve, we can't do that because the learning outcomes ensure that our degrees meet benchmarking standards.

I'm not keen on attendance requirements and monitoring that require students to attend in person classes: my feeling is that its up to my adult students if/how they want to engage with their learning. But part of the reason that universities are now so keen on it is to keep track on students with mental health difficulties: it's seen as part of our pastoral care (and visa monitoring for overseas students, of course).

It's been interesting to read on this thread about the expectations students and their parents might have from school moving to university. I would actually refuse e.g. to have the responsibility of emailing a personal tutee once a week to check in. If a student needs that level of mentorship, then that should be something that's funded via their DSA. I imagine that roles for disability and neurodiversity staff should expand in future, though where the money will come from for that, who knows.

I have 15 hours a week in my contract for teaching; I spend at least 8 of those actually teaching, leaving me 7 hours to write lectures, do marking, do my pastoral stuff (probably averages to 1.5 hours a week), write references, supervise dissertation students, etc. It's just not possible for lecturers to do anymore.

manicpixieschemegirl · 23/11/2025 20:28

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:15

No, it's not a right. But I'm not sure ND people should be denied the right to push the boundaries and come out of their comfort zones a bit, either.

Of course ND should push themselves out of their comfort zones but I’m not sure that’s the responsibility of university staff. And I’m not sure someone who can’t even attend lectures is ready to push themselves.

I agree with the pp who suggest taking a year or two out to work, volunteer and just get some life experience would before pursuing HE would be hugely beneficial.

HouseWithASeaView · 23/11/2025 20:38

Could someone link to the lecturers thread which has been referenced? This is something I think we will need to consider for DD so I want to be as well read around it as possible so that, when she starts going to open days and things, I can steer her to some more viable options than those usually favoured by her school.
Those Unis which are currently known as being “good” with those with autism… it strikes me that there is a risk that more and more people needing support apply there which means that that support becomes stretched and then implodes. Although perhaps if the majority were ND, many of the social norms might disappear and the ND might find life easier to navigate and then require less support!

Richardbattledinvain · 23/11/2025 20:39

InSlovakiaTheCapitalOfCourseIsBratislava · 23/11/2025 19:24

I think someone who needs so much support to finish the degree that it is the support workers essentially doing the assignment probably shouldn’t be at uni
someone who maintains they can’t do the group work, assessments, assignments or projects everyone else on the course is (possibly struggling to complete) shouldn’t be at uni or at least on that course
theres reasonable adjustments and then there is being deluded

In our case my son doesn't even need that much support, he's very capable and didn't need one to one or check ins etc at school, just some practical support. It is actually his lecturers assuming there are things he isn't capable of (when he does these things in everyday life). Or not putting things in place which they are actually supposed to do for all students - for instance recording lectures.
If I treated an employee the way he has been treated, I'd be in deep shit. It's fine delegating to a well being team, who give the right advise but then the academic staff put barriers in place because they don't seem to have a basic understanding of equity and equality. You can't separate
wellbeing and teaching in this way.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:40

HouseWithASeaView · 23/11/2025 20:38

Could someone link to the lecturers thread which has been referenced? This is something I think we will need to consider for DD so I want to be as well read around it as possible so that, when she starts going to open days and things, I can steer her to some more viable options than those usually favoured by her school.
Those Unis which are currently known as being “good” with those with autism… it strikes me that there is a risk that more and more people needing support apply there which means that that support becomes stretched and then implodes. Although perhaps if the majority were ND, many of the social norms might disappear and the ND might find life easier to navigate and then require less support!

Yes this!!!!!

manicpixieschemegirl · 23/11/2025 20:40

AnnHedonia · 23/11/2025 20:17

Sounds rather suffocating. A bit 'stay in your lane, we can't be bothered to help you grow'. And putting it off till one can go as a mature student (not always a guarantee of personal and social skills having developed, btw) presents the issue of less choice on the job market in the interim without a degree.

Erm, no. It’s about taking personal responsibility for your own growth and making sensible decisions in order to achieve your goals.

Richardbattledinvain · 23/11/2025 20:47

I'm not keen on attendance requirements and monitoring that require students to attend in person classes: my feeling is that its up to my adult students if/how they want to engage with their learning. But part of the reason that universities are now so keen on it is to keep track on students with mental health difficulties: it's seen as part of our pastoral care (and visa monitoring for overseas students, of course).

This is one of our issues, but it is just a stick to beat the students with. They don't actually check the welfare of the student. DS is often tired and maximises his learning when he feels at his best. He had a flexible timetable at school and was trusted to manage his workload (which he did and achieved good grades). But now he drags himself into lectures and risks worsening his health.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 20:47

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/academicscorner/5425569-week-3-and-the-1st-years-are-asking-if-they-have-to-come-to-lectures-theyd-rather-watch-the-recordings?page=4

This is it. These are the people lecturing our ND kids. Full of compassion, full supporters of diversity.

8 weeks in, still no one has read her support plan that someone got paid to write.🤷🏼‍♀️Take her fees fast enough though.

Fortunately she’s daring much better than we though. No thanks to pastoral suppprt.

Jigglyhuffpuff · 23/11/2025 20:51

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/11/2025 18:39

I taught 535 secondary kids a weeks. We got 3 hours for prep and marking.

Still had to pick up all pastoral stuff and differentiate work.

Obviuosly lm not a lecturer, but universities need to move with the times. Why should they just say ‘we can’t’ when 8 weeks earlier teachers were bending over backwards to help the would be first year undergraduates?

The increase in SEND in schools over the last few years has been huge. Schools have HAD to do it with no funding. Lots of these kids are bright and academic. Why should they just be dropped when they go to uni?

HE has to adapt just like every other sector.

HE has adapted a fair bit. We have mental health and wellbeing teams.

But lecturers aren't teachers. We don't meet most of our students to learn their needs. I walk into a hall, I deliver a lecture to a sea of faces. I might do that ten times and they're onto the next module. I'll never see them again. I will take note of any learning needs when I mark work and we will make adjustments for assessments based on the paperwork we see on the system.

Our seminar leaders may be able to learn names and might know some info about the students but they will only see them for 8 weeks.

Our tutors are probably more consistent but the only real flag they will get if the student doesn't come to them is non-attendance of lecture for 3+ weeks.

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