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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Best Universities for Autistic DD with social anxiety. Looking for flexibility

280 replies

whatisgoingonandwhy · 23/11/2025 06:18

Posting for traffic. DD has autism but is very bright academically. She struggled a lot in high school but has flown in her A levels as she is attending an online college. She would like to study psychology and work with autistic children in some capacity. Has recently started to make progress in socialising more but is extremely daunted at the prospect of having to attend classes. Are there any Uni’s that have the flexibility to attend classes in person or online, or any that are particularly supportive for those who are neurodivergent?

OP posts:
InSlovakiaTheCapitalOfCourseIsBratislava · 25/11/2025 10:34

HouseWithASeaView · 24/11/2025 21:53

I’d suggest that there can be a disconnect in a number of environments between the person whose job it is to come up with the plan and the person whose job it is to implement a plan. Something which sounds simple & straightforward on paper may well not be. For example, when DC1 was at primary, a number of children had it in their plans that they were to sit at the table directly in front of the teacher, a table which only had three seats at it!
Whilst the idea of sending an email to check in on someone sounds simple, it rarely is. What happens if the student doesn’t reply? Has the University’s duty been discharged as they have dutifully sent the checking in email as required by the plan? Or are they supposed to follow up with another email if the student doesn’t reply? And how long should they wait before sending the follow up? After all, they don’t want to put undue pressure on an anxious student. Is it even appropriate to send a follow up? Could that be too much pressure? But, of course, the lack of response could be because the student is overwhelmed and needs support? How is the tutor supposed to judge this?

The three seats for ten (or however many) children needing to sit in front of the teacher pretty much sums up the impossibility of implementing half these plans in a nutshell

bookmarket · 25/11/2025 13:36

Sorry for not reading the full thread. Could she do her degree through the OU? And in the meantime grow her confidence and skills and comfort around other people by volunteering with children with autism?

Does the OU still do summer schools? If so, that might be a gentle way for her to feel comfortable studying with others. Then if she needs to move away to do a masters or postgrad course she might be at that stage by then.

HelmholtzWatson · 26/11/2025 04:46

Jigglyhuffpuff · 23/11/2025 17:08

I'm an academic. It's not practical for us to provide extensive pastoral care. We aren't trained for it and have far too many students to do it well. At the moment I teach 900+ students. Teaching is only 40% of my contract so pastoral care would mean I have 0 time for lecture prep, marking etc. We do have a dedicated team for tutoring and wellbeing which helps and those people are trained properly but they are stretched with so many students experiencing anxiety in the post-covid cohorts.

Exactly this. it's not that Uni lecturers "don't care". We are not work loaded for extensive pastoral care, and most importantly not trained or qualified for it.

We are directed to refer any well-being issues to the people who are qualified and work loaded to offer mental health support.

Add to this the fact that when we do actively offer in-person pastoral support sessions (i.e., small group tutorials), students don't turn up. Those who do engage get as much support from me as they need, but if they are not engaging, there isn't a lot we can do. Most of the time they are absolutely fine and having the time of their life.

MumofCandRA · 26/11/2025 05:59

It's not a good idea for her to attend online, this will negatively impact on her ability in social situations, avoidance won't help long term. She's better to adapt to this in a safe University environment than being thrown into it when she enters the world of work. You're not helping her if you help her to avoid social interaction, support her through it.

KittyHigham · 26/11/2025 10:32

MumofCandRA · 26/11/2025 05:59

It's not a good idea for her to attend online, this will negatively impact on her ability in social situations, avoidance won't help long term. She's better to adapt to this in a safe University environment than being thrown into it when she enters the world of work. You're not helping her if you help her to avoid social interaction, support her through it.

That is not necessarily the case.
For some, combining the academic and social at university can be overwhelming, even if still living at home . Instead of improving in both areas, the individual may struggle or even fail in both.
For some young autistic people it makes sense to focus on one major element at a time, adding more challenges along the way.
Studying online doesn't preclude other possibilities for socialising.
And what it does allow is control and flexibility over the amount of socialising the OP's daughter can cope with. It also allows for the possibility of volunteering or part time work. University is not necessarily the best environment to prepare for the world of work. Arguably it's a unique environment unlike most work situations.
Stretching her comfort zones doesn't have to be in at the deep end.

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