Flying as an unaccompanied minor at age 7

[CrispyClo]

I’m posting on behalf of my sister as she is looking for some external views on the matter.

My niece is 7, birthday was in August. She started a new school in September, which closes for Christmas a week earlier than most state schools. There don’t seem to be a lot of options for childcare during that week as not many schools here close that early so there aren’t any holiday camps.
My sister has booked my niece onto a week long camp abroad for the week. The camp is well reviewed and offers a pick up service for children flying as an unaccompanied minor. My sister initially felt this was a good idea, and booked it.
Now she is having some concerns and is unsure it’s the right choice, mainly as she appreciates 7 is quite young and while the flight isn’t particularly long, they don’t actually have someone sat with them, just cabin crew checking in. She has admitted herself she was fine with it until other people seemed to think it was a reckless parenting choice. I think it will be fine, my sister and I flew as unaccompanied minors often as our dad lived abroad, we were a bit older (maybe 10 the first time) but managed it fine.

AIBU to think my niece will be fine? She’s looking forward to the camp and doesn’t seem phased by the thought of it.

I was a cabin crew and most flights they would be an unaccompanied minor. The crew would make a big effort with them and you had to check on them on a regular basis and document anything they had to eat and drink.

If I remember rightly they also weren’t allowed to sit next to a male passanger. This was an ME airline and a few years ago so maybe policy has changed or I’m mistaking.

Personally I wouldn’t do it with my dc but it is common.

It’s slightly different sending your child to a holiday camp in this country (however at 7 I still would definitely not do that) I actually can not believe you and your sister don’t see the problem with sending a year old on a flight on her own to a holiday camp in another country. It’s absolutely absurd.

Yes. They can. Come speak to my f*cked up step dad and his brother about the long term effects of boarding school at 7.

There are many things that you ‘can’ do. Doesn’t mean that you should.

Re the unaccompanied child thing, it can go wrong.

But its all strangers! Which is totally different to being accompanied by parents or relatives 🤦‍♀️

This is 100% a wealth/social norms situation. Behaviour/options that are normalised for certain families/groups that are unhinged to the majority. If you grew up like this (upper class in UK, international brat pack, military families) then these options are normalised. Most people don't grow up like this

As a PP said, even boarding schools for young children are no longer the norm in UK, thanks to years of work and campaigning to recognise the harm. I recommend looking into "boarding school syndrome" to understand more about this.

The child will likely be completely "fine" if this is the norm. Because she will actually be fine or because she will present as fine because that's the expectation. It sounds as if the risk assessments done by the airline and camp are thorough. It's just that most people would not hand that 24/7 responsibility and care to others with such a young child.

I’m sure the child would be physically safe in the airport and on the flight, yes. But OP, you (and your sister) must surely realise how incredibly unusual it is to contemplate sending a 7yo away from their primary caregiver for a full week, to live with complete strangers in a different country? This is so far outside the normal range of experience for most families. Yes, some boarding schools do accept 7yos - but it has now become generally accepted that sending a child away from home at that age causes long-term damage to their attachment and their sense of security, and has deleterious effects well into adulthood. There are many, many first person testimonies to this fact.

Given that there is clearly no shortage of money, it seems utterly bizarre that this could be thought of as the best solution to a short-term childcare issue. The fact that you say the 7yo isn’t fazed by the idea is particularly sad.

Yes. Have a child the exact same age. A camp abroad alone seems insane!

As far as I know they take the children from the year they turn 8. Ours are all adults now though so things may have changed. Although one went back to be a camp leader whilst at medical school and there were definitely 8 year olds there.

Also… one company that has camps during the week before state schools break up. I’m sure there will be others. There will be other children at the 7 year old’s school juggling childcare. Has the sister even asked how others manage or for recommendations before plumping for sending a small child away.

https://www.campbeaumont.co.uk/dates-prices/winter-camps

My mum was sent on a train to stay with distant relatives when she was younger. She still talks about how awful it was and how neglected she felt. She’s in her mid 70s. Why the fuck would you do this to your child other than to put your own needs first?

the Childcare option here is that you sister and her husband actually step up and care for their child. They need to take leave from work (unpaid if necessary) and actually parent. Why did they not think of this when choosing the school/ having children?

Kids go away to school at this age, not that I'd advocate that, but a week at a good quality camp is not a big deal if the child concerned is adventurous and your sister is happy the care is good.

However v few if airlines offer unaccompanied flying for young kids anymore, so I think she'll have to hire someone to take them - Universal Aunts is one agency.

That is a very good point that a 7 year old saying in advance that they’ll be ok doesn’t mean much. My DC at that age would have probably said the same “yay an adventure” but actually that age is way too young for a child to be able to assess the reality of it themself beforehand.

If it is the SJAS or similar, if we weren’t in the country when the camp was on we provided details of close relatives who live in Lausanne who could be contacted in an emergency.

Well OP, you asked for external views, you got them. Potentially not unusual for a certain section of society (but very young even then). Absolutely not for the majority.

You obviously don't agree. And think it's fine.

Depends on your sisters priorities and appetite for risk.

I volunteer in a school with this age group. They aren't considered old enough to find my room - I collect and return them.
From a safeguarding perspective, there is no way on earth I'd send a 7 yeari old abroad to a camp, where I haven't even visted or met the staff. Bloody hell, what is she thinking?
To be honest, the 7 year old thinking it's all fine and dandy worries me too.

This really sums it up

OP even if you don't come back to this thread I really hope you're reading the replies and taking them on board.

It appears that you've been incredibly damaged yourself by your own childhood experiences which were far from normal.

Please don't subject a little 7 year old girl to this, it's absolutely awful to think of.

OP, firstly there are very few boarding schools for 7 year olds, age 8 is seen at the age when separation is acceptable without long lasting consequence (although I disagree). There are also hardly any boarding schools for girls under the age of 11, it’s very rare and often due to family circumstance. The residential holiday camp culture also doesn’t really exist in the U.K. for children. Your sister should hire a nanny for a week and keep the dd at home.

Agree with the general sentiment here - she’s too young! The other thing I’d add is that you haven’t factored in the unpredictability of air travel. My DD’s friend - age 16 - was flying out on her own to meet her family over the summer - she was staying with another family member while she finished school and they took her to the airport to get a flight to meet mum and dad. At 16. fair enough. But then the flight was cancelled and she had to stay in a hotel overnight and be waitlisted on a new flight. And I think that was a bit stressful for even an older teen on her own. Can you imagine an unaccompanied 7 year old in that scenaro? How would the “unaccompanied minors programme” deal with that? Who’d be looking after her? Probably wouldn’t be okay for someone to sleep in a hotel room with her - but she couldn’t be on her own. The whole thing sounds awful.

I have a seven year old and I'm only just letting him play outside our house by himself. Couldn't imagine sending him away on a plane for a week.

Absolute madness for a number of reasons.

@CrispyClo For me, it’s not really the flying alone - i think that can be fun and have a dear friend who flew unaccompanied from an early age to see her father who lived overseas - but for me 7 is too young to be alone at a camp so far away from home.

In my experience, primary schools don’t do week-long residential trips until children are 9 or older and then of course there are known classmates and teachers there. Boarding school isn’t really comparable because parents pay an absolute fortune for the teachers to be in loco parentis. And usually the school is close by in case things go wrong - not a flight away. I’m pretty sure most of the parents with children at that camp will be closer at hand or the children will be attending with older siblings.

A 7 yo is so vulnerable if things aren’t right and, unfortunately, as we have seen, there can be some unsafe people at holiday camps. But even without predators, things can go wrong at camps, children aren’t always very kind to each other, accidents happen. She will be vulnerable because she is alone rather thsn part of a group who may look out for each other. So for me, it’s not really the flight, it’s the camp so far from home.

I wouldn't do it but also no way on earth would I send my child away without me for a week in this country, never mind abroad.

I look at my 7 year old now and there is no fucking way I would send him to stay at a camp full of strangers. He would be so vulnerable, he is not equipped to deal with being ill or situations that make him uncomfortable. I think its extremely risky to send such a small child away from his family at that age, not just because they often need their parents for support and cuddles etc but to keep them safe from predators! I mean there was something in the news in leicestershire last week about a man who laced sweets with sedatives and sexually abused boys of 12 years old at a holiday club.