So many evenings alone

[Cosywinter87]

I know the suggestions will be to join a club, how do I get over the anxiety around doing this? I just feel so lonely. Pretty much every evening I'm on my own. Tonight I feel like just going to bed now. Watching endless stuff on the TV.

Tell us more about you, your age, interests, etc

What are you anxious about? Most clubs are very welcoming

You’re not alone! There are many others out there too. Just go to bed if you want, it’s ok to do that if you feel like it. Winter is hard and the dark evenings are long.

Evening bar/theatre work? I suppose you probably have kids... without more info it's hard to say

Eta: what about church? Vigil masses on Sat evenings

I’m not into clubs, but would go to cinema on my own, we have an Everyman Cinema near and there’s always a few singles there. I do walk my dog daytime for a long walk, even in the rain, so am happy to watch tv all evening, take a bath and read a book. I do have a DH but he watches football/racing.

In my 30s. Dont have loads of interests tbh, I did enjoy indoor climbing a couple of times. I feel like the main issue is getting over the anxiety and worry of joining a new club. I worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, looking stupid, not having anything to say to the other people or the other people just thinking why on earth is she here, shes rubbish at insert activity
Im not sporty or religious at all

Yeah, I would go to bed if I thought i could sleep until morning but I'll just end up awake on my phone. Really struggle to have the focus for reading.

this is me this month after a bout of sickness meaning I can’t get to my usual after work, evening gym classes. As others have said, tell us your interests. For me, exercise is a non negotiable and I can show up to a class feeling low, sluggish and flat and leave 40 mins later like a different person. Do you like crafts? There will be lots of fun festive craft workshops depending on where you are. Many of those kind of events have solos going along, like myself, and with like minded people the chat kinda flows. Carol services are a lovely, warm way to spend a couple of hours out in the evening. I am not religious but it’s become tradition to go each year and see some friendly faces with a hot drink and mince pie!

Sorry to say something so obvious, but are there any indoor climbing evening sessions locally? Just as you said you like this. Or an evening yoga class, just to get you out. Not sure you’ll make friends that way but it’ll get you out a bit

I am my 50s and in a lot of clubs, some with much younger people. What I know now is nobody is thinking about me or if I look that stupid. Bluntly, I am not that important. Most people have their own problems.

Get an evening job. Bar work? Either in a pub or a local golf, tennis, football, rugby club. Reception in a gym ... or climbing wall place or sports club or spa. Getting a job is much less awkward than joining a club.

Why don’t you join a hiking club? I have a few friends (in their 40s who attend organised group hikes?

Most people feel self conscious - some are just better at hiding it/ appearing confident. Best to just be your authentic self because you’re more likely to attract the right people that way and not the wrong ones because you’re putting on an act.

Whereabouts in the country are you OP? It sounds hard! You need a little bit of courage to make a start, and to not be put off if it takes a while.

Do you have a friend or colleague that might be interested in joining a group with you

If you have an indoor climbing wall near you, check to see if they have a ladies night? My local centre did this for all abilities and I was pleasantly surprised at how many of us women turned up on our own! Everyone was really friendly and welcoming. Sadly I moved away from that area but I reckon I would have made some good friends there if I had kept going.

If you’re not sporty or religious, what about a book club? Sewing/crochet? Language class?

Jo8ning a club is awkward for about half an hour. Then you start to get it. A job gives you colleagues - and loads on here say they would never socialise with colleagues.

You are only in your 30s , so get a second job in the evening. A fun one in a theatre or bar.

Find a boyfriend?

^ stupid response.

Don’t think set out to join a club op, just set out to go once. Make a list of 2/5/10 however many fund things you could try and go to each once. Treat it as a bucket list and see what takes your fancy, rather than a problem to solve or a commitment to make

I have managed to expand my own social circle in a number of ways in the past
Book club
Doing a counselling course - then another - then another!
Volunteering
Becoming a trustee of a charity
Slimming World
Local history club
Guided walks
Genealogy group
Through these I’ve made quite a few close friends

I think it’s easier to join in if it’s something that you are interested in and if you don’t gel with people or don’t enjoy it just move on!
I tried and abandoned a photography class, painting and a befriending volunteering group as they just weren’t for me

Evening yoga class, find a gym with a nice sauna/swimming pool jacuzzi to relax in, a cosy local pub to read a book in? or if you’re interested in things like sound baths there’s lots of those around now.

What about volunteering? The scouts (for instance) would bite your arm off for an extra helper.

I was a scout leader for 7 years, but with little 6 year old beavers rather than scary teens!

How do you feel about book clubs?

I’m horribly, debilitatingly shy and the book clubs I’ve joined have been super welcoming. If you go in accepting that the first time will inevitably be awkward that’s half the battle done.