To cancel our holiday because of the cats?

[crisikrinkles]

I know this is going to sound crazy but here goes
Me and my partner have two cats who are 4.
One boy and one girl,the girl is very nervous.
We are going to mexico next weekend for 14 nights.
They are going to my Dads.
We live a hour from my Dad and he’s in his 80s so can’t travel daily to check on them.
They stay every holiday but I worry constantly.
My dad has a spare room which he has a cat tree and blankets and toys for them and they have the upstairs of the house.
He has a dog and he has downstairs.
Theres a downstairs door which has a chain on to stop dog getting up and then a door at the top which is locked with a chain too.
He goes out one day a week for two hours for shopping .
Im terrified he will forget to lock the door and then the dog will then somehow get through the other door to the cats.
(so there’s two seperate locked doors between them )
or they will run out of the front door when my dad opens it (even tho there’s another locked door between that door )
Would aibu to cancel holiday ?
Partner would got crazy I think
I dont know what to do
They have stayed

OP I’ve just seen from your recent post that the dog is a lurcher. In that case I’d definitely be putting my cats in a boarding cattery if I were you, because the dog wouldn’t be able to resist his instinct to treat them as prey if he happened to get into the same vicinity as them. Also your cats must be able to smell/sense that there is a dog in close proximity to them and the dog will also be able to smell/sense that there are cats in the house.

I think that they would be a lot happier in a nice cattery where they would have a cosy indoor area to snuggle up together and an outside run where they could chill out and watch birds. Much better than being confined to a bedroom in a house with a dog.

I also think that a cattery option would be much less stressful for you.

the OP is repeatedly describing a tendency to do catastrophic thinking. It is exhausting and difficult to cohabit with someone whose catastrophic thinking as a part of anxiety does absolutely impact day to day life. if my partner was under the grips of this to the extent of wanting to cancel a foreign holiday last minute when there are several viable options it absolutely would impact my life. There are hundreds of posts on mums et about partners dealing with the impact of their other half’s severe anxiety.

Second, the OP has made several choices on behalf of her pets as we all do, but in this case again the anxiety has a role. Unless other info about health issues forthcoming, they are house cats, never been accustomed to a cat sitter presumably because od what OP says about cat sitters, and pretending that these choices do not effect the lives the cats are used to, and what they can or cannot cope with isn’t right.

in terms of whether “useful” to point these out - well, yes. Sometimes it is useful, to consider how much of our decision making is driven by catastrophising, and what roles catastrophising plays on the lives of those around us. If forums were solely places for handholds, or “aww huns” then mumsnet would look quite different.

if you think my post is contrary to the Talk guidelines or the spirit of mumsnet please by all means report it.

If your Pa is ill-as in seriously ill... You'd probably be covered by insurance to return?

It does seem your anticipatory dark thoughts are ruining your present which is usual in anxiety.

I'd really try and get some CBT - it is really good with anxiety.

My cat couldn’t cope with that kind of move and been trapped in one room. Get a good cat sitter.

Yep. You MUST cancel the holiday.

Erm book a cattery or do exactly what my friend does her cats also stay upstairs when she's away and her mum keeps dog downstairs same as your dad.

Can you have therapy

Cats dont have the capacity to think like this - they're not human.

This is bonkers

Don’t be the mad cat lady who cancels holidays for them.
If you weren’t happy with your father’s situation, why didn’t you look at other options?
Go on your holiday and enjoy every minute. You are very fortunate. And the cats will be fine!

Are they house cats because of your anxiety or for another reason?

Kindly I think you need better help for your anxiety. They have been fine before and will be fine again with your Dad or a sitter.
Cancelling a holiday and loosing all that money would be bonkers.

@crisikrinkles You are focusing on the cats but i think you need to focus on your anxiety that is by far the bigger issue here. Have you tried hypnotherapy or CBT, both can be extremely helpful. Your cats will be fine.

Put them in a cattery!

They'll be fine. Trust me. Pick. nice cattery go and have a look.

Animals do t have concept of time the way we have. Good catterys have heated pads and will feed the food the cats are used to and will brush and fuss them every 10 minutes day.

My eldest worked at one while doing her vet nurse training 👍

I'd be just the same. I don't go on holiday because I couldn't leave my cat with anyone else.

Do you ever regret getting a cat?

I use Trustedhousesitters.com. They will be used to house cats (you choose who looks after your cats after all). But if you’re not comfortable with that you have to trust your father or board them. You can’t let this anxiety stop you living your life.

I love my pets but to put my life on hold because of them would be nuts.
I take it you don’t like going on holiday anyway?

I wouldn't cancel the holiday and I have two cats that I wouldn't put in a cattery because one is really nervous. It's much better for the cats if you can get someone to come to your house, either a pet sitter or a friend. You worry about the cats getting out, but it would likely be fine if they got out at your house as opposed to your dad's, where they would get lost. Even if they haven't been out before at your house, they would still know how to get home. But that's the worst case scenario and isn't likely to happen.
If a stranger came into your home, your cats will probably hide rather than try to jump out the door, but when I don't want my cats to go outside as I'm coming in I just put my foot in the door first and they back away.
If you don't think your nervous cat will get any food then you can ask the sitter to set automatic feeders to go off at the same time. You can also get them to leave dry food out so there is always food there. If you want to check on their welfare you can get a camera set up so that you can see it from your phone and see the cats.