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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Repost edited Is he cheating ??

28 replies

Missy0901 · 22/11/2025 02:21

Hello so my boyfriend has a few female work colleagues I have suspicions as he can be very over friendly due to being bought up by his mum and sister
one work colleague asked him personal question like when do u go here there
do you smoke etc not ok and she also makes effort to be in same room basically I feel as a woman that is her trying
also the other woman there told him where she lives and said it near him
I said how she know where u live he said I didn’t tell her I said opposite the park so yeah basically telling her
she messaged him on WhatsApp outside the work group asking him to come in early all laughing faces and lol
he told me a lie he said diff and said he only replied no
he kept asking me to look at the messages
when I did he had replied with lol back and said I’m am the gym I said u don’t need to explain to her
she also said I bet u saved me as a middle finger on ur phone
to me that is her interested if he saved her
he said he wanted to say to her no ur a work colleague I don’t need to save u
but told me he can’t do that she could report him

he also was talking to a male colleague after an argument with us and said she must of heard me saying my gf thinks I’m a player
to then she said to my bf
I will call u when ur with ur gf next

now come on
she has a bf n kids he picks her up from work
my bf gets on with him
he told me other day he came in shop
and made sure she couldn’t hear and

said to my bf I think she talking to someone else or seeing someone else
I said well he asking you for a reason
he said no if she messages me anything like that he would tell her bf straight away
he said his loyalty lies with him
I just want opinions on if she done wrong
has my bf?
her bf said this to my bf after she messaged

also my bf said they aren’t alllwed to message out of work chat it was about work so why she do it?
he said people don’t want there phones going off

also he defends her to the ground when I question and once said he calls her mckenzie !!!!!! N

OP posts:
Ubugly · 22/11/2025 02:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Missy0901 · 22/11/2025 02:26

Lovely thank you

OP posts:
SimplyAmy1 · 22/11/2025 06:42

Half of the post made no sense but what I gathered from it was he messages a work colleague about work, told her he lives opposite a park and calls her mckenzie?

how is that cheating?

PollyBell · 22/11/2025 06:46

How would we know if he cheated or not?

Rubinia · 22/11/2025 06:55

I can’t make sense of much of what has happened.
i don’t see how saying you live opposite the park is telling someone where you live. I’ve done that with colleagues.
tbh you sound a bit intense wanting to dictate his responses. I don’t think you’re well suited. You don’t trust him. Dump him - this is no way to live.

Zempy · 22/11/2025 07:07

You aren’t happy in this relationship so end it.

justaddittothelist · 22/11/2025 07:15

Posts like this just highlight how important it is to use punctuation.

Op, if I am understanding this right, it doesn't scream cheating to me. It seems like normal interactions between colleagues. What is wrong with her knowing where he lives? All my colleagues know where I live.

But as per other posters, you aren't happy so it's probably best to end the relationship.

IvedoneitagainhaventI · 22/11/2025 07:18

Well he enjoys the attention of women and it sounds as though he flirts with them a bit.
Sorry if i'm being stupid but what does calling someone Mckenzie mean?

I think he is always going to be the type of guy who interacts with women so I don't think you are compatible as it will always upset you.

TofuEater · 22/11/2025 07:19

What is the significance of him being brought up by his mother and sister?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 22/11/2025 07:20

I’m stuck on the ‘middle finger on his phone’ bit.

FarmGirl78 · 22/11/2025 07:26

I'm reading into this that you are very anxious, and your boyfriend feels he needs to explain and show you his messages because you question him about EVERY LITTLE INTERACTION. It's perfect understandable that the poor chap might have said to his friends "She thinks I'm a player". It sounds like you do (unreasonably) think that, because you seem to think perfectly normal colleague conversions are flirting or cheating. Have you never chatted to a colleague and asked where abouts they live? I mean roughly, not their exact address? Actually @Missy0901 do you work yourself? These normal conversions seem so alien to you it makes me think you don't. Or are you very young?

Yesterday I said to a fairly new guy working next to me "So do you live local?" and he told me the town, and I replied that my brother lived there, and named the specific little suburb, and he said "Oh actually it's XXXXXX. Have you heard of it?" and named another specific (new) bit of this town. This was not me "trying" and not him giving me the come on. Just normal conversation. We have little bouts of conversation and chat during the day. If his girlfriend questioned him on why he'd told me this, or got paranoid or worried about I'd think it was very strange, and I hope he'd explain to her I wasn't "trying", which you see as him defending her.

Stop reading things into perfectly normal interactions. Stop questioning every single answer he gives you. He can't do right for doing wrong. You will drive him away.

GrannyTeapot · 22/11/2025 08:01

Being brought up by your Mum and sister does not result in “over-familiarity”…can you not realise how offensive this comment is?

Maybe he is having sex elsewhere, maybe he isn’t, what is clear is that you don’t trust him and without trust a relationship is a sham.

bakebeans · 22/11/2025 08:10

I think you are being unreasonable. You sound like you have a lot of trust and anxiety issues. I think you are the problem. You need to look at yourself otherwise this relationship will never work.

toomuchfaff · 22/11/2025 09:53

You are the problem. You need to work on your issues. He may or may not be cheating, but you need to work on your issues. You need to accept and understand cant dictate or control his behaviour. If you dont like his behaviour then dont put up with it, leave the relationship, but you can control or dictate how he acts or reacts. You control how you act or react.

Spendysis · 22/11/2025 11:19

I am sorry I can’t make sense of your post and the bits i think i understand seem like normal interactions with colleagues. You seem anxious clearly don’t trust him so what is the point in continuing the relationship

MyAmusedPearlSquid · 22/11/2025 12:16

I can't answer if he's cheating you will need to sit down and talk to him about things and go from their ,
You sound very young

TofuEater · 22/11/2025 12:46

Can someone explain the significance of calling the allegedly other woman McKenzie. I can only think of Bluey's sheepdog pal

Greggsit · 22/11/2025 13:12

I have 50 work colleagues saved in my phone. Is perfectly normal.

But even if she is interested, it doesn't mean that he is. From what I've made out he hasn't done anything to encourage her.

Greggsit · 22/11/2025 13:59

Rubinia · 22/11/2025 06:55

I can’t make sense of much of what has happened.
i don’t see how saying you live opposite the park is telling someone where you live. I’ve done that with colleagues.
tbh you sound a bit intense wanting to dictate his responses. I don’t think you’re well suited. You don’t trust him. Dump him - this is no way to live.

Peak Mumsnet. Even where nobody can understand the question, or the problem, the advice is to LTB.

Flibbertyfloo · 22/11/2025 14:06

All my work colleagues know where I live. We chat about what we do outside of work and it would be totally normal to say we go to the gym before work or whatever. I have them all saved in my phone. All normal.

You sound very anxious and you are massively over thinking this. You will drive him and any other sensible partner away. I would see if you can refer yourself to your local NHS Talking Therapies Service to work through this.

phantomofthepopera · 22/11/2025 14:09

Asking where someone lives or whether they smoke is just ordinary chit-chat that work colleagues have. I think you sound irrationally jealous.

PGmicstand · 22/11/2025 14:22

I've told all sorts of colleagues roughly where I live. I have a number of them saved in my phone.
.

You sound as though you have trust issues. Whether or not there have been causes for concern in the past, there is nothing suspicious in your BFs behaviour as you describe it.
It doesnt sound like a very healthy relationship - you sound very jealous and insecure.

therewasafishinthepercolator · 22/11/2025 14:30

The questions she's asking do you smoke, go here, etc sound like perfectly normal questions. Not crossing a line.

The texting outside of work sounds unnecessary and immature nonsense so I would tell him to shut that down. No need for it.

If you don't trust him and aren't happy with him you can end the relationship. You should feel secure in a relationship.

Cherry8809 · 22/11/2025 15:08

You sound absolutely exhausting and draining to be with.

You think he might be cheating because she asked him if he smokes..?

I feel you probably need therapy, not a relationship.

FarmGirl78 · 22/11/2025 19:35

TofuEater · 22/11/2025 12:46

Can someone explain the significance of calling the allegedly other woman McKenzie. I can only think of Bluey's sheepdog pal

I'm guessing that's her name? I know a girl called Mackenzie. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But who knows.

And how dare he call her by her name! Biggest sign of a cheater....calling someone by their name!! 🙄

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