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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To take DS for a burger after football?

104 replies

Burntoutandsevered · 20/11/2025 21:29

DH usually takes DS to football Thursday nights. He was tired and wanted me to do it. OK.

For the record, we are about to move house and everything is quite chaotic. Work is busy, I am handling all the admin for the move, renovation, packing etc. My dad died a couple of months ago. My brain is a bit full.

It was freezing after football, we were bith starving and tired. DS asked for a burger chain drive through. We don't normally do stuff in the evening just us so I figured sure, bit of a treat.

Some part of me thought DH might be miffed (he hates take out and fast food) but I thought he could suck it up. I am usually at home, tidying up, walking the dog and making dinner ready for them to get home. They're often late, and on more than one occasion have stopped for food on the way home and not told me.

I went to message DH but my phone had died. Honestly, I thought 'sod it'. Perhaps not my finest move but not a crime.

We got in, DH (who NEVER cooks) had heated up a pasta sauce from the freezer. He was obviously cross. The quiet, disappointed in you, pass agg kind of cross. Apparently it hurt his feelings and made him sad. This made DS cry because he felt really guilty. I said it wasn't that big a deal, DS did nothing wrong, it was my decision and his reaction was a bit rich given how often I'm cooking at home waiting for them. Every bloody Sunday I spend two hours cooking a roast while they're glued to the x box and only when ive said three times dinner is ready does DH decide to go to the loo and faff choosing some music to listen to.

I said i was sorry to have hurt his feelings, it was a genuine miscommunication but now he knows what it feels like. We managed to do a good job of patching it up before DS went to bed but now DH is sulking and theres an atmosphere. All over a bloody burger.

I'm being petty arent i. Did he over react?Am I being a total dick, or is it about time the boot was on the other foot?

OP posts:
TheSwarm · 21/11/2025 09:38

Your DH sounds like an emotionally abusive fuckwit.

Stand up for your son and tell him to fuck the fuck off.

Glittertwins · 21/11/2025 09:38

’D’H has a meal for today now hasn’t he? Nothing wasted!

TheApocalypticiansApprentice · 21/11/2025 09:39

I suspect DH was jealous because he feared DS might have had a better time with you than DS usually does with him.

Poor child must be walking on eggshells the whole time. In twenty years he’ll be telling his therapist that he left for university / the army and never went home again.

AngelinaFibres · 21/11/2025 09:39

TheGoddessFrigg · 21/11/2025 09:14

Yes this was my dad growing up and he could put the whole house under a black cloud 😕

My dad too. You could go out and have a lovely time and you'd come home and he would decide that whatever it was was 'working class' and it was appalling that you'd done it. Totally ruined so many things

RubiesandRose · 21/11/2025 09:48

And now he’s sulking he’s got you upset and questioning yourself, or else why ask on here?

I would tell him to snap out of it sharpish because if you reacted the same way every time he’s done the same or similar you wouldn’t have had a conversation in the 5 years and perhaps now he knows how it feels he may look to better his own behaviour in the future.

Sheeeena · 21/11/2025 10:18

YANBU from what you’ve said but…

I bet from DH’s perspective there’s a lot missing such as you waste loads of money on takeaways, you’re both overweight and inactive, etc

Burntoutandsevered · 21/11/2025 10:24

Sheeeena · 21/11/2025 10:18

YANBU from what you’ve said but…

I bet from DH’s perspective there’s a lot missing such as you waste loads of money on takeaways, you’re both overweight and inactive, etc

Projecting much?

We hardly ever have take aways, we're all healthy, I run 3 times a week and DH is super fit because of his job...

Weird.

OP posts:
ConBatulations · 21/11/2025 10:25

YANBU. I know it's not the point of the post but get a charging cable in your car so you can make a phone call in case of emergency MacDonalds, delays etc especially at this time of year.

DaisyChain505 · 21/11/2025 10:32

It’s pasta sauce, it could be used the next day no problem.

This didn’t need to be a huge deal.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 21/11/2025 10:43

Burntoutandsevered · 21/11/2025 10:24

Projecting much?

We hardly ever have take aways, we're all healthy, I run 3 times a week and DH is super fit because of his job...

Weird.

Literally everyone else thinks YANBU. Why is that the one comment you decided to respond to?

AmyDuPlantier · 21/11/2025 10:45

Th fact that this must of your energy had to go into managing and handling your husbands feelings about buying your son a Big Mac is quite worrying to be honest.

You sound like you live on eggshells. I did that once and am now separated and it’s like I can breathe deeply again.

TheatricalLife · 21/11/2025 10:46

Hurt feelings because he heated up some pasta sauce 😂 what an absolute penis.

Sheeeena · 21/11/2025 10:53

Burntoutandsevered · 21/11/2025 10:24

Projecting much?

We hardly ever have take aways, we're all healthy, I run 3 times a week and DH is super fit because of his job...

Weird.

So why’s he pissed off? You

FitnessIsTheOnlyWealth · 21/11/2025 13:00

This is so so immature! Who has time to behave like this let alone guilt trip a child AFTER they’ve enjoyed a favourite meal post a sport. Utterly unbelievable from your DH. How do you put up with him? And why?

MrsWhites · 21/11/2025 13:05

I couldn’t live like this, read back your post OP, his behaviour has you describing picking up a burger with your son as ‘not your finest hour’, wondering whether you are in the wrong for treating your son and made your son cry!

All because he had heated up a bit of pasta sauce - not to mention that you took DS because he was too cold! I bet you even originally made the pasta sauce!

He’s a gaslighting man child!

yeesh · 21/11/2025 13:40

Your sh is a total dick. Making your son cry over a burger is such an overreaction I can’t believe you are questioning yourself

arethereanyleftatall · 21/11/2025 13:48

What a horrible horrible way for you all to live.

im so sorry op because the way you’ve written the op implies that you possibly thought you did something wrong.

that is so far removed from normality it suggests that you’ve lost sight of what a normal loving relationship is.

and your kids have to witness this as if it’s normal.

in a healthy loving relationship you would have got the burger with your ds without a single thought. Your husband having heated up the sauce would have said ‘I hope you had a lovely time, there’ll be leftovers in the fridge for tomorrow.’

but this. This second guessing. The eggshells. The worry. The guilt.

is there anyone you can talk to op as I suspect there might be so many other awful things.

topcat2014 · 21/11/2025 13:54

My daughter is 19 now and I think I made her cry once (she was messing around on the stairs).

DH should have dialled it all back at that point

SunandRain101 · 21/11/2025 14:05

Honestly he can cook for himself from now on.

IamnotSethRogan · 21/11/2025 14:32

Oh fucking hell what a baby. Is he annoyed about the wasted sauce ? Or is he pretending to be annoyed about the wasted sauce but ia annoyed that you had fun without him

IamnotSethRogan · 21/11/2025 14:34

arethereanyleftatall · 21/11/2025 13:48

What a horrible horrible way for you all to live.

im so sorry op because the way you’ve written the op implies that you possibly thought you did something wrong.

that is so far removed from normality it suggests that you’ve lost sight of what a normal loving relationship is.

and your kids have to witness this as if it’s normal.

in a healthy loving relationship you would have got the burger with your ds without a single thought. Your husband having heated up the sauce would have said ‘I hope you had a lovely time, there’ll be leftovers in the fridge for tomorrow.’

but this. This second guessing. The eggshells. The worry. The guilt.

is there anyone you can talk to op as I suspect there might be so many other awful things.

And all of this!

I'm often the one cooking. DH might get back and he's grabbed something kn the way but he'll just have what I made the next day for lunch.

Similarly I couldn't bare to think something as simple as grabbing a burger with my son was a big deal that I needed to apologise for.

CuddlyPug · 21/11/2025 14:37

Your husband sounds oddly controlling yet totally wet. I am sorry but I couldn't take his behaviour seriously. Your poor son.

Lotsofsnacks · 21/11/2025 14:37

Your DH sounds like a prick. Of course YANBU! The point you even had to write a thread on mumsnet about a ‘once in a blue moon’ takeaway burger, tells you all u need to know!! Treading on eggshells over this non issue is worrying

viques · 21/11/2025 14:41

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 20/11/2025 21:46

When he starts cooking he can start criticising your decisions. He's just jealous, leave him be.

Exactly this. Does anyone believe that his relationship with the pasta sauce went any deeper than opening the freezer , taking out the sauce and heating it up. Hands up if you think he made the pasta sauce from scratch, doled it into freezer bags, labelled them , put them in the freezer cleaned up the kitchen and washed up the pan? That’s no one then. As I thought. And even if he had made the sauce from his dead nonna’s special secret recipe throwing a wobbly about it is pathetic.

ThatCleverCoralCrow · 21/11/2025 14:46

Why is he sad? 😂 good god. Over a burger treat.