Hanging out the back of it - comment by my colleague

[Candykel]

Urghh the joys of socialising with work colleagues when staying away. We are all managers and have a quarterly meeting which is at our head office site a few hours away. So we always travel the day before and stay overnight. We have dinner at the hotel and usually some drinks after.

There is usually 3 female managers and 5 males. One of us is on mat leave with their cover a man so this week saw 2 women and 6 men.

The mat cover is a bit of a cocky sod and was getting louder with every drink. He asked another manager about a woman who used to be on his team, and there was always some guesswork if they were close out of work. The manager has always denied it and I have no reason not to believe him (nor do I really care!)

Anyway to get to the point. Conversation went like this:

Mat cover - I’ve always thought you went there with her. Did you smash it?
Manager - laughs. No.
Mat cover - that’s a stupid question. You definitely smashed it. You could have gone round there any night and found (managers surname) hanging out the back of it.

I made my excuses and went to bed at this point. My female colleague present did the same, being equally disgusted.

AIBU to make my excuses next time I have to stay away with these colleagues? And have dinner/drinks without them

Sorry but as female managers you both had a duty of care to this woman to stop these knobs in their tracks; they blatantly displayed sexism & sexually explicit actions of what was being done to the woman; you both should have said shut up right now you do not speak about women like that end of it they continued report them to your managers the mat leave guy sounds a complete idiot anyway but no man should be talking like that about fellow workers is disgusting & so unnecessary.

Yeah, I think they would. It was a work trip.

I agree with those saying you need to just challenge this. Calmly, professionally, straight away if poss. You can bet the bank that at least one of the men was also uncomfortable.

Referring to a woman as it🤮.
Report little sexist pig needs his cage rattled.

I would make an official complaint. I don't care it was out of work hours, you are at an official meeting with colleagues, and his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Ew. I think I would have told them why I was leaving but it's easier said in hindsight. I want to tell him how vile those comments were but at the time, you just remove yourself from the situation. I doubt that he took much note or care that it's made his female work colleagues so disgusted they had to leave.

Straight to HR and the other men there shoukd have also said something. I understand if you felt too intimidated to say something but that is grossly unprofessional

I have to stay away regularly with colleagues and the day I learnt to say - good night, I’m going to order room service and chill, was the best day of my career!

you Jump in the delorean and go back 14 years to see Richard Keys?

Those comments are more about football than anything else.

I'm also really naive...

Does it somehow imply a cock so impressive that it's found a route through to the anus via the vagina?

It just feels like shit English on the whole.

Yes or totally ignore him from now on unless called upon professionally to interact with him. No coffee chats, no response to how was your weekend etc. Blank the creep. He wants to get a rise out of women. He won't want to be invisible.

HR for sure.

HR.

We had a colleague sacked this werk for sexual harassment - it is taken seriously, at least in my company.

As PP have pointed out, this is pretty much word for word what Richard Keys said. Really odd that he chose that exact turn of phrase. It’s unusual, as you say.
Anyway, if it’s any consolation, Richard Keys lost his job at Sky Sports, so if you report your colleague, hopefully he’ll get the boot too. Just remind HR about the Sky Sports episode.

I don't believe the OPs story simply because it's the same word for word as the Richard Keys incident.

Id tell him very clearly that I find his language misogynistic and sexist and that it must stop. If it happens again I will have no hesitation in reporting his behaviour.

Dont accept that it was a joke.

When you are on a work trip you are at work, whether in a meeting or in a bar, in hours or out - work trip means you represent your employer and behave as though you are in the office.
These comments should be treated the same as though he said them in your office.
It would have been good to call him out on the spot, but whether you did or not, it still needs to be reported to your human resources team. It’s completely unacceptable to speak about a colleague (or anyone) in that way.