How to be happy when it’s all going to get worse

[Chatchippytea]

Sorry to depress anyone.

I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of What’s the point of life’ at the moment and I hate it, that flat, can’t be bothered, but also bored of ever feeling, does anyone else ever get this?
But recently I’ve started thinking about what is there to look forward to? My Dd will grow and move away from me, parents get older and die, Dh and I get older. I realise this is the process of life, but when younger it’s peppered with things to look forward to..maybe marriage, having kids, travel, career progression…I still look forward to some travel..sort of, but it doesn’t make me feel alive like it used to, same with work.
I see my main purpose as raising Dd and supporting her, but everything else 🤷🏻‍♀️
Should I really feel like the best is behind me now at 47 with an 8 year old?

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it depressIon or normal?

How to get out of this funk?!

*Bored of everything feeling

I feel like this at 45 with no DC left at home, so watching with interest to see what anyone suggests, but solidarity with the shitty flatness feeling.

Go out with your mates , have a laugh . Have day trips , weekends away. Chat with your mates online or on the phone .
Life would be boring if it only revolved around an 8yr old tbh.

I was always fairly happy and satisfied by little things…even at this time of year and always the type to make the most of things..sitting by the fire, lighting candles, baking, looking forward to xmas, listening to the birds..I was that person, O saw the good in most things and enjoyed things
Now i’m just…meh.

It doesn’t all revolve around Dd, I was trying to express that I know that’s my purpose in life. I see friends, sometimes have a laugh but nothing seems or feels the same

Or, you rephrase it: "I can't wait for my later years, when my child is safely launched into adult life, I can retire from work and I can spend time with my husband, travelling and enjoying our hobbies. Not to mention that I will no longer give a f*ck what anyone else thinks of me 😉 ".

Is your glass half- empty or half-full, OP?

The best probably is behind you. You've got menopause to deal with yet, which can be horrendous and wreck your mental and physical wellbeing. Such fun 😆 Just try to manage your expectations and find small moments of joy where you can. I no longer expect a soaring romance, fun filled days of laughter, a stellar career, a body to stop traffic. I just enjoy a nice sunset, a walk with my dog, a funny instagram video.

Always half full before, always. I see completely what you’re saying but all I can think is that I won’t see Dd as much, my parents will likely have passed or be very ill and need looking after. Dh and I will be older
I realise as I’m writing it how depressing and annoying I sound, but just being honest

I know…it’s not the same though is it

Have you thought you might be in perimenopause? This is one of my worse symptoms. Just a general blah, which is so unlike me. I’m just ploughing through and consciously tryinv ti find joy in things. Maybe different ones than before.

I totally disagree that the best is behind you. I’m 59 and life has never been better. But quite honestly you sound as though you’re depressed. That flat feeling is a classic symptom. Maybe go talk to your Gp?

Well you need to seriously think what you will want from your life especially when dd moves out

plan a big trip

Learn something new

volunteer

it sounds trite but it works

You sound rife for an affair, frankly.

It could be anhedonia - it's a kind of depression where literally nothing brings you joy any more. I had it once. I've had the more common kinds of depression in the past but this was the scariest. I think it can be brought on by hormonal changes during perimenopause and you are the right age for that.

I got over it by making myself do something I'd never done before every single day and keeping a note about it - like a really short diary. I didn't have to enjoy it, I just had to make a note of what it was and how I felt, or what happened. Example entries would be things like: Walked down Green Street as I'd never been down it before. Bumped into Jane who I hadn't seen in two years. We agreed to meet for coffee. Or: tried a new spiced orange bath gel. Quite nice.
It really doesn't have to be more of a big deal than that. But gradually, you start to nudge yourself a bit harder or further. When I started, my life had really shrunk. Like you, I felt raising DC was the most important thing in life and once that job was done...big meh. But I ended up with a new job, going on holiday alone, and spontaneously booking stuff for DH and me to do. Then he started spontaneously booking stuff too. We have ended up doing some really lovely things and our relationship is stronger.

I still don't really have a purpose that in any way matches raising DC, but I expect to find one, and meanwhile am learning new things.

Until you shift it, do keep track of the basics - take iron, Vit D and B-complex supplements, get fresh air and exercise every day. Eat healthy food. Go out at least once a week to an event of some sort - could be cinema or theatre, music, comedy, a talk or book reading - but try not to let a week go by without this. And see good friends or close family - people who you feel warm towards – at very least once a week.

Have you explored HRT? The world was incredibly 'meh' for me until I started at 49 (thought I was way too young <hollow laugh>). It was like someone was turning the colour back up in the world after a couple of weeks.

You're not wrong OP. 45% here are being unreasonable.

Goodness. I guess you have a choice to do something about it. My husband died at 38, but I still get enjoyment out of life because I choose to.

You are describing a classic symptom of peri menopause. HRT is there to protect your health in the future but it also helps with this.

I feel exactly the same OP. Exactly. I could have written your post.

I think maybe it's just when children have grown up enough to not be the all consuming centre of the universe. Theres a lot of living in the moment when kids are little, you don't have time to focus on anything else.

Once the start becoming more independent, you look up and suddenly become aware of the wider world again and everything seems different and a bit crap, and you go uuurrrgh.

Planning for the future does help. Right now you are focusing too far ahead (being old, parents dead, kids left home etc), you need to put some landmarks in the middle!

& also try to live in the moment ....

Can you engineer stuff to look forward to? At any one time I can think of loads of stuff I’d like to do, I often choose one and make plans for it. It’s what 2/3/5 year plans are for!

I don't look for things to look forward to. I find little things every day that bring me joy

No, of course not. Youth is full of optimism, lust and passion, firm skin, ambition. Things change. Declining oestrogen can lead to a feeling of flatness and lack of enthusiasm for anything. It's a new chapter. A different one. It's tough going for sure.

You need HRT, I felt like that and now I’m back to my usual happy positive self