How to be happy when it’s all going to get worse

[Chatchippytea]

Sorry to depress anyone.

I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of What’s the point of life’ at the moment and I hate it, that flat, can’t be bothered, but also bored of ever feeling, does anyone else ever get this?
But recently I’ve started thinking about what is there to look forward to? My Dd will grow and move away from me, parents get older and die, Dh and I get older. I realise this is the process of life, but when younger it’s peppered with things to look forward to..maybe marriage, having kids, travel, career progression…I still look forward to some travel..sort of, but it doesn’t make me feel alive like it used to, same with work.
I see my main purpose as raising Dd and supporting her, but everything else 🤷🏻‍♀️
Should I really feel like the best is behind me now at 47 with an 8 year old?

Does anyone else feel like this? Is it depressIon or normal?

How to get out of this funk?!

I could have written this OP. I'm 44, kids are 10 and 8. This was my biggest symptom. HRT has taken the edge of it and I feel a bit more positive but it feels like an effort. I did lose my Dad 4 years ago and suddenly I am aware of my mortality and that of my family and friends. This all lead to a feeling of, what is the point of everything. I'm taking it one day at a time. Finding the joy in small things. Planned a few big trips and forcing myself to socialise. I don't think it helps that much but is a helpful distraction.

Another vote for HRT! I’m older than you and I don’t feel like that.

I feel exactly like this. I’m 43 and my kids are 8 and 3. I don’t know what an earth is wrong with me I wish I’d feel more positive. I guess I have had a very hard few years which doesn’t help. I think I’m peri menopause maybe but I got tested and apparently not although I still think I am. Sorry no advice OP but I feel exactly the same

Don’t be fobbed off! Those tests for hormone levels are very unreliable as hormones fluctuate a lot in the peri. If you’re having any symptoms at all, get on HRT.

I started it as soon as I got a bit irregular.

Sorry you are feeling low op.

I went through a similar phase when everything seemed gloomy. My physical health declined. My DDs left home. I had some regrets about things that I didn’t do in the prime of my life, I couldn’t get to grips with how fast it had all gone! And it was like I had very few thing to look forward to,

But a few years on, I have got through the worst of it and I have adjusted and come to a point of acceptance, where I have realised that I need to get on with things with the rest of the time I do have left! I’m here anyway so I may as well enjoy it! And I have started to enjoy some of the freedoms that come with this phase of life too.

And I have found that perhaps only, god willing, having a decade or two of active life left, focuses the mind a lot, I now know what I want to concentrate my efforts on and they are realistic goals. I also feel able to drop a huge load of social obligations that I simply don’t want to carry out any more.

I do agree with the pp though, that helping others as much as you can and helping the environment is a good place to start if you feel stuck.

You may be depressed and need ADs but otherwise try and get good quality sleep, eat a reasonably healthy diet, take a walk every day in the light if you can. Sometimes faking it until you make it with the help of good habits, is enough to get you out of a hole.

Other things that have helped is the company of animals, for themselves, and their ability to force us to live in the moment, and the good people they bring in to your life.

And doing something creative and working with the hands can really help too; especially if you can get in to a “flow” state eg sewing, knitting, gardening, painting, drawing, playing an instrument, baking, anything like that.

Lastly, it sounds trite, but a daily gratitude journal really helps too and apparently studies in neuroscience back that up.

Keep strong 💪

I feel like eeyore most days and just getting out of bed feels too much. So I sort of agree with you but at 44 i dont want to believe that this can only go downwards…… I try to remind myself to take joy in the moments when i do take escape the fog of doom.

I feel much the same, except I don’t see my main purpose as raising children. I don’t see I have a purpose at all. I’ve also dealt with the C bomb this year, and far from giving me a new found lust for life I actually think it was my body’s way of putting me out of my misery. Except I’ve recovered so it’s business as usual. Oh, and no HRT for me either due to the old cancer thing.

Try to find joy in small things. Try not to doom scroll.

You're not disposed towards depression and have always enjoyed life before, so I think, given your age, you might want to do some research and consider HRT.

You do sound a bit depressed. Have you tried anti depressants?

You need to focus on yourself and building meaning from within, not base it on another/s. Your child will grow up and away. You can't base your future hopes and meaning on retiring with your husband and travelling with him, because being blunt, anything could happen. I always looked forward to the future which contained people basically doing what I wanted them to do, fitting into my daydreams etc, and of course they had their own daydreams which didn't involve me. That includes my ex husband. So you need to have your own hopes and dreams which focus on you.

And get some HRT!

I never lived like this and had a complete and total horrific breakdwon into psychosis becasue I pushed mysefl so so very hard at everythign I did

There is some research that shows that happiness is reported at its lowest between mid 40s and 60s. I think there are lots of reasons for that, but the good news is that, post 60, average levels of happiness are reported as much higher and they continue to climb.

I'm a bit older than you but can very much relate. I was watching my 3yo pretend to run away from zombies laughing his head off earlier and just felt sorry for him because he's happy and carefree now but I feel like it's all just going to get worse and what do any of us have to look forward to. Which is ridiculous. In my head I know I'm being ridiculous but I just can't shake the feeling that all there is left to look forward to is a gradual decline in health, finances, loss of loved ones xyz. I went to my GP wondering if it was peri, but my only real "symptom" is brain fog and that I'm generally more anxious. Had full bloods done apparently I'm fine just need vitamin D. In fairness its not just me, DH often feels similar so maybe its the stresses of life right now (trying to move, I've just been made redundant). I'm hoping its just a phase and we'll all feel better. I was in a shop paying at the till a few weeks ago and made some passing joke about how I wished I was younger (think I got an age check on something). The lady at the till was older than me and said that she didn't - she wouldn't want to be younger for anything. I thought that was lovely, and I hope I can be so positive some day too. I need to be like that lady. No advice OP but you're not alone.

Mid life crisis on its way. It gets a bit weird for a bit but it passes.

I feel exactly the same. I wondered about perimenopause too - I've been on HRT since the summer and whilst it's been completely amazing for my energy levels and the brain fog, I still feel very existentially low at lot of the time. That said, I'm pushing myself to not just stay at home under a heated blanket and hide from everything, but to actually go out and experience things - it does help.

Thinking of this as a downward spiral to the end can only be a self-fulfilling prophecy. My female friends who are a bit older say it passes so I'm trying to treat it like my phases of depression (which have been very bad at times) and know that eventually it will lift.

Could you be peri menopausal. Might be worth speaking to your GP to if they think it might be that or depression.

About 6 months ago I felt kind of similar and in the end signed up to various voluntary work and it lifted me again.

I've since gone on to just having had a secondary cancer diagnosis. Whilst it's still a bit raw it's changed my outlook slightly in regards to focusing on the now rather than looking too far ahead. Look more for the simple pleasures such as when one of my kids gets an award at school or making surprise hot chocolate with the trimmings and seeing the joy in their faces. It's really hard but life can be full of small pleasures if we just start to try and look for them.

I think there's probably a combination of things here op. I do think life is really what you make of it and it's up to us to go out and try to create that richness in life by focusing on connections with others, trying new things and generally having curiosity about life. You can be absolutely dedicated as a parent while still finding fulfilment for yourself in other avenues like travel or time with friends or just trying to create the opportunity for adventure.

At the same time, I think it's completely understandable and natural to mourn one phase of life when it's ending and I think that is really common when kids start to become more independent and you get that glimpse of the future. So I don't think it's wrong to feel that or to feel worried about what the next phase may bring with it. Especially if you're enjoying your current phase. And I do think a lot of us become more aware of our mortality as we're watching kids grow up because you worry for them.

And as others have said, hormones may well be playing a role here as well so this would be worth reflecting on and maybe chatting to your gp about.

I wonder if this is about focus. I love my DC with my whole heart, but they’re not my whole life. I’m a researcher, and I’m retraining for a new job. I have an 8 year old and a kitten to look after. I have friends, I touch base with family, I seek out hobbies. I’m 45. I do think things were easier when I was younger, but I don’t think my life now is just one long downhill trudge to the grave. I think you might be depressed.

OP I feel you! My kids are youngest but sometimes I feel such pressure to enjoy life as it is now as I think life will never be as good again - I’ll never have two adorable little kids tucked up safe in bed where I don’t have to worry about them and my parents health will only deteriorate. It freaks me out massively so I try not to think about it. I still look forward to things in life but I often worry because I think this will be as good as it gets and I feel like I’m not appreciating that enough.

When children leave home, it's not the end of your relationship with them. We have enjoyed watching ours grow, and their successes and struggles, helping where we can. You can start to get your own life back, start to pursue hobbies and interests, travel to wherever you want, and can afford. As long as you have your health, and are mobile life can be really good.

I love having adult DC! The best years are to come! I’m going to be a Granny next year which has filled me full of joy
Started a new job at 61 which I’m loving
I also have the freedom and finance to travel more which I didn’t when younger
Downsides are losing parents and their ill health - I’m also creaking much more myself
I agree with others it could be your hormones - hopefully you can get help with this and look forward to good times for the future

I am 53 with two grown DC but I don't see raising them as my main purpose.
I don't ever want to put all my eggs in one emotional basket.
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Irregular periods? This is me for ages now, barely have one anymore and if I do, it’s not even a proper one

Do you not go to work, Chattychippy? I am much older than you but at 47 I was very involved with my job and found that extremely fulfilling.

❤️ How old are you if you don’t mind me asking