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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To double our mortgage at 36?

108 replies

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:12

We (DH and I, both 36) bought our 5 bed 2 bathroom home 7 years ago as a project for £267k. We've since done a lot of work, remortgaged and currently owe £221k, with 33 years remaining on our mortgage. The house is worth £400k and our current interest rate is quite high as we have had some financial struggles in the past which limited our lenders. We pay £1250/month. Aside from electrics & plumbing I've done the majority of the work myself.

Our home is great but has room for more improvement if it's to be our forever home. We have 3 DC (8 and under), two of whom may live at home longer than usual due to additional needs. We're located less than 10 mins from my Dad at the moment, and the same distance from DC's school (and also the high school theyre likely to go to). The area is OK, its not the nicest but our street is safe and its more affordable than where my Dad lives, hence why we could afford a good sized house for a decent price. But there is a ceiling on the value. My biggest issue is the small garden we have, which was the only compromise when we bought it.

Another house has caught my eye. Its another project- on a bigger scale than our current home, but its in a frankly amazing area where most properties are £800k+. It's currently listed for £525k but isn't selling - it would require a lot of work which may put a lot of people off, but the potential is huge. Its got such gorgeous original features and is double fronted which is my dream. It also comes with an acre of land, a mixture of a large garden, small wooded area and open field. DH and I viewed it and I fell in love, but the catch is that its 40 minutes away from where we are now and would be a similar length drive to my Dad & DC's schools.

I'm completely torn. In theory we could sell our house, put down a 10% deposit (ideally pay 450k-500k max), leaving us £100k for immediate works to get it liveable & we'd then either do the rest ourselves or refinance. It would take about £200k to get it completely done to a nice spec, but then it would easily be worth £1m+. Obviously we'd be saddling ourselves with £400k+ of debt at 36, but the repayments wouldn't be too much more than what we're paying now due to us being more likely to get a better interest rate now. And we'd end up with a beautiful home which would be more likely to rise in value over time due to its location (very rural, no neighbours, adjacent to coveted Yorkshire village). The outdoor space would give us the opportunity to have a mini smallholding with a couple of goats, ducks and some chickens - always a dream of mine (and DD would love this too)

DH earns £85k/yr (a fairly recent development due to career progression), I earn £22k/yr part time (which is needed so I can accommodate our 2 children with additional needs, 1 of which doesn't attend school full time). It feels like a heart vs head choice. Staying is the head option - if we stay here we'd probably spend £50k on an extension to give us a better configuration, additional bathroom, utility room, downstairs wc. But overall mortgage debt would be half so better chance of repaying it/retiring early etc. But my heart is telling me to go for the beautiful dream location which would provide better long term financial growth with short-medium term inconvenience due being 40min away.. DH is happy whatever I decide.

Help please! My late mum would be my sounding board and since she died I'm without someone to talk this over with. AIBU to move to the big project house? YABU = stay put, YANBU = move

OP posts:
Thatsalineallright · 20/11/2025 17:26

I think it depends what sort of people you and your DH are. Are you good at living within a budget? Are you good at DIY/organising workmen/negotiating prices etc? Are you able to reduce savings elsewhere if necessary?

If yes, then stretching yourselves a bit financially would probably be fine. If on the other hand you're the sort of people who never have money left at the end of the month no matter how hard you try I budget (no judgement, that description fits most people!) then I'd definitely play it safe if I were you.

Other things to think about is how reliable is your dh's job? Is it susceptible to being replaced with AI? What would happen if he gets laid off? Is there potential for further promotions?

EveningSpread · 20/11/2025 17:29

Oh OP, only you can decide!

Seems like you’ve done the maths and it works. Even with moving costs and legal fees, if you could do it and want to, why not! However, if I were you increasing a 10 minute journey to 40 minutes would put me off a bit.
Also would the kids like the rural location when they want to go do things later on, like see friends? You might spend your life taxiing for them.

Anyway, where do you get the time and energy to do up a house and raise 3 kids!?

I’m 36 too, but only have one child. I make £70k, DP makes £28k but we live in a 2 bed terrace with a garden, near to town, DP’s work and the train station. We’ll pay our mortgage off in ten years if we stay. We might upsize a bit when DD gets bigger, but we absolutely don’t want a big house or to have to do loads of work. I have a demanding job and we like quality time together, trips abroad, and otherwise a simple life. For me, it would be a no.

But you sound like one of those people who thrives off it! Can we see the house 😬

MidnightPatrol · 20/11/2025 17:29

I think the mortgage is the uncomplicated bit tbh.

40 mins drive to family and schools is quite a lot given it will be multiple times a day.

Where I live 36 is a not unusual time to be a first time buyer, so I wouldn’t really say age is a factor.

TBH I’d be wondering what was wrong for it to be so much more keenly priced than other local properties and still not selling. Flood plain?

teaandyarn · 20/11/2025 17:30

We increased our mortgage to 300k at a similar age but slightly higher salary, when interest rates were low. I’d be wary of doing it now especially if the house needs a lot of work as it will probably eat up all your disposable income very quickly.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:33

Thatsalineallright · 20/11/2025 17:26

I think it depends what sort of people you and your DH are. Are you good at living within a budget? Are you good at DIY/organising workmen/negotiating prices etc? Are you able to reduce savings elsewhere if necessary?

If yes, then stretching yourselves a bit financially would probably be fine. If on the other hand you're the sort of people who never have money left at the end of the month no matter how hard you try I budget (no judgement, that description fits most people!) then I'd definitely play it safe if I were you.

Other things to think about is how reliable is your dh's job? Is it susceptible to being replaced with AI? What would happen if he gets laid off? Is there potential for further promotions?

Thank you for commenting! We are very frugal, having lived on a significantly smaller income for a long time. Doing up this house (& the last!) has been on a very low budget, but worth it long term. If we moved it would be our third full renovation so I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it by now, though always learning new things 😅

Great point about DH's job- he's worked very hard and its finally paying off. Long term security with his current company, he could move laterally if there was any risk to his current role as its a massive multinational & he's got lots of useful experience in the industry. If he stays with this company he's basically guaranteed at least inflation level payrises and £10-15k annual bonuses so feels safe on that side of things.

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FastTurtle · 20/11/2025 17:34

I think the 40 minutes to the school is two much as that would be hours a day there and back there and back plus at weekends to see your DD.
Is there a house C option?
Do you both like the idea as buying property as a way of making of money or would you like to live in a finished house?

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:37

EveningSpread · 20/11/2025 17:29

Oh OP, only you can decide!

Seems like you’ve done the maths and it works. Even with moving costs and legal fees, if you could do it and want to, why not! However, if I were you increasing a 10 minute journey to 40 minutes would put me off a bit.
Also would the kids like the rural location when they want to go do things later on, like see friends? You might spend your life taxiing for them.

Anyway, where do you get the time and energy to do up a house and raise 3 kids!?

I’m 36 too, but only have one child. I make £70k, DP makes £28k but we live in a 2 bed terrace with a garden, near to town, DP’s work and the train station. We’ll pay our mortgage off in ten years if we stay. We might upsize a bit when DD gets bigger, but we absolutely don’t want a big house or to have to do loads of work. I have a demanding job and we like quality time together, trips abroad, and otherwise a simple life. For me, it would be a no.

But you sound like one of those people who thrives off it! Can we see the house 😬

As a family we're homebodies, and 2 of the children sort of exist in their own world due to their autism, so unlikely to develop into sociable teens although I'd certainly facilitate any taxiing that's required. I'd be happy to do the legwork for that given that I would be the one choosing to move them further away really. The other DC is my daughter and she's a mini me so would trade being close to friends for goat ownership in a heartbeat 😂 plus knowing her friends they'd be the ones wanting to come to us if we had animals! Thanks again for the input, its helpful to have outside opinions

OP posts:
herbalteabag · 20/11/2025 17:42

I doubled my mortgage at 39 and in many ways I regret this as I would be mortgage free by now. Instead, I will have the mortgage until around 64. Currently I'm early 50s and already wishing I was in the position to drop hours at work in the near future, like other people I know. This is unlikely to be possible as I am now separated. So I would personally stay where I was or find another, less expensive house than the one you currently like, but it's up to you of course.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:43

MidnightPatrol · 20/11/2025 17:29

I think the mortgage is the uncomplicated bit tbh.

40 mins drive to family and schools is quite a lot given it will be multiple times a day.

Where I live 36 is a not unusual time to be a first time buyer, so I wouldn’t really say age is a factor.

TBH I’d be wondering what was wrong for it to be so much more keenly priced than other local properties and still not selling. Flood plain?

Yes that's the sticking point. Less the driving to get to school but more moving further away from my Dad - we're close and he's got dementia so will only need more support as time goes by. But equally if I talked to him about it he'd insist on us moving and not factoring his needs into the equation 🙄

The house needs a lot of work but its liveable. There are a few "big" issues that might scare off less seasoned renovators, e.g. cellar has a well in it, bottom of the garden floods, septic tank isnt compliant. Its also on a very quiet road and hasn't been advertised well by the agents which I think makes a difference (feels like our little secret at the moment!)

OP posts:
RecordBreakers · 20/11/2025 17:44

FastTurtle · 20/11/2025 17:34

I think the 40 minutes to the school is two much as that would be hours a day there and back there and back plus at weekends to see your DD.
Is there a house C option?
Do you both like the idea as buying property as a way of making of money or would you like to live in a finished house?

I agree with this.

It isn't the increase in mortgage (and value of your home) that would concern me, but the distance from schools, and the time spent traveling back and forth every day for years and years and years.

StrumpersPlunkett · 20/11/2025 17:44

would there be a way that you could move and over pay on your mortgage when DH gets his annual bonus? over paying can reduce your term or your monthly payment, so you could over time bring the term in so that your end date is sooner?

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:47

FastTurtle · 20/11/2025 17:34

I think the 40 minutes to the school is two much as that would be hours a day there and back there and back plus at weekends to see your DD.
Is there a house C option?
Do you both like the idea as buying property as a way of making of money or would you like to live in a finished house?

There isn't a house C - our current home is a bit of a unicorn and we'd be unlikely to find anything that's the right size/meets our needs (believe me, I'm a rightmove obsessive!)

Personally I love DIY, having projects is my hobby & we've picked our homes well to ensure they were good financial decisions. Neither of us come from wealthy families so the idea of having a home worth six figures feels a bit bonkers but also like a solid financial decision to build a decent inheritance for the DC.

OP posts:
sunights · 20/11/2025 17:49

You'd need to check a lender would be willing to offer a mortgage if there are significant issues with the house. But in the meantime, why not book a viewing and have a chat about options with your current mortgage provider? That way you are at least assessing against realistic options...

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:50

herbalteabag · 20/11/2025 17:42

I doubled my mortgage at 39 and in many ways I regret this as I would be mortgage free by now. Instead, I will have the mortgage until around 64. Currently I'm early 50s and already wishing I was in the position to drop hours at work in the near future, like other people I know. This is unlikely to be possible as I am now separated. So I would personally stay where I was or find another, less expensive house than the one you currently like, but it's up to you of course.

Long term we'd probably look to downsize if we weren't able to repay the mortgage before retirement. The idea being we'd have enough for a decent home for ourselves in a less rural (& cheaper) area with some cash leftover to Gift to the DCs to help them out

OP posts:
MadisonMarieParksValetta · 20/11/2025 17:51

Do it.

It's so clear you have fallen in love with the house. It sounds fabulous.

Think of the slow Sunday mornings, think of your Christmas decorations!

Do it, do it, do it!

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:51

StrumpersPlunkett · 20/11/2025 17:44

would there be a way that you could move and over pay on your mortgage when DH gets his annual bonus? over paying can reduce your term or your monthly payment, so you could over time bring the term in so that your end date is sooner?

Yes good idea- to date he's only been eligible for bonuses the last 2 years and we've used it to repay loans from the most recent building work on our current home.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 20/11/2025 17:52

the problem with heart over head is that all of this is the wonderful bits of moving and none of the actually quite hit negatives.

and in order to make the right decision I think you need to be honest and look at exactly what those are and not through rose coloured glasses.

it is like you have just met a wonderful man who you think is your soulmate and the blinkers are up to his faults. Because they exist and you need to be realistic as to whether those faults are dealbreakers.

the biggest one being the price because you know you don’t just get that big a drop on work needs to be done and puts people off - some significant structural issue (damp/mould/subsidence)

WithDiamonds · 20/11/2025 17:52

We considered adding to our mortgage in our early thirties . We decided not to when the survey of the house we liked showed subsidence. We paid off our mortgage by 40 and now don’t need to downsize. Plus all those years with smaller bills. Do not underestimate the impact of a long day on children with commuting to school. One of the reasons we struggled to find anywhere was because of wanting to live very close to the school.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:53

sunights · 20/11/2025 17:49

You'd need to check a lender would be willing to offer a mortgage if there are significant issues with the house. But in the meantime, why not book a viewing and have a chat about options with your current mortgage provider? That way you are at least assessing against realistic options...

Great advice thank you. We've had a viewing already, its a real heart stealer in person!! But I will definitely speak to our lender, that's a sensible next step.

OP posts:
EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:54

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 20/11/2025 17:51

Do it.

It's so clear you have fallen in love with the house. It sounds fabulous.

Think of the slow Sunday mornings, think of your Christmas decorations!

Do it, do it, do it!

Haha are you me?! 😄

OP posts:
Helenavets · 20/11/2025 17:55

Instagram has a lot to answer for these days 🙄

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 17:56

Has it had a in-depth survey on it (like all bells and whistles one) because it needs it

Crofthead · 20/11/2025 17:57

The extension you describe will be more than. £50k

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:58

Crofthead · 20/11/2025 17:57

The extension you describe will be more than. £50k

How can you possibly know this? 😂 it won't, but thanks for your concern. We've priced it up with our builder and that includes a 10k contingency 😊

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EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:59

Helenavets · 20/11/2025 17:55

Instagram has a lot to answer for these days 🙄

Not sure what you mean by this but if my mum were still around her first response to this would be "Heidi has a lot to answer for!" As my goat-owning dreams started at the age of 6 when I first read Heidi 😆

OP posts: