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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To double our mortgage at 36?

108 replies

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 17:12

We (DH and I, both 36) bought our 5 bed 2 bathroom home 7 years ago as a project for £267k. We've since done a lot of work, remortgaged and currently owe £221k, with 33 years remaining on our mortgage. The house is worth £400k and our current interest rate is quite high as we have had some financial struggles in the past which limited our lenders. We pay £1250/month. Aside from electrics & plumbing I've done the majority of the work myself.

Our home is great but has room for more improvement if it's to be our forever home. We have 3 DC (8 and under), two of whom may live at home longer than usual due to additional needs. We're located less than 10 mins from my Dad at the moment, and the same distance from DC's school (and also the high school theyre likely to go to). The area is OK, its not the nicest but our street is safe and its more affordable than where my Dad lives, hence why we could afford a good sized house for a decent price. But there is a ceiling on the value. My biggest issue is the small garden we have, which was the only compromise when we bought it.

Another house has caught my eye. Its another project- on a bigger scale than our current home, but its in a frankly amazing area where most properties are £800k+. It's currently listed for £525k but isn't selling - it would require a lot of work which may put a lot of people off, but the potential is huge. Its got such gorgeous original features and is double fronted which is my dream. It also comes with an acre of land, a mixture of a large garden, small wooded area and open field. DH and I viewed it and I fell in love, but the catch is that its 40 minutes away from where we are now and would be a similar length drive to my Dad & DC's schools.

I'm completely torn. In theory we could sell our house, put down a 10% deposit (ideally pay 450k-500k max), leaving us £100k for immediate works to get it liveable & we'd then either do the rest ourselves or refinance. It would take about £200k to get it completely done to a nice spec, but then it would easily be worth £1m+. Obviously we'd be saddling ourselves with £400k+ of debt at 36, but the repayments wouldn't be too much more than what we're paying now due to us being more likely to get a better interest rate now. And we'd end up with a beautiful home which would be more likely to rise in value over time due to its location (very rural, no neighbours, adjacent to coveted Yorkshire village). The outdoor space would give us the opportunity to have a mini smallholding with a couple of goats, ducks and some chickens - always a dream of mine (and DD would love this too)

DH earns £85k/yr (a fairly recent development due to career progression), I earn £22k/yr part time (which is needed so I can accommodate our 2 children with additional needs, 1 of which doesn't attend school full time). It feels like a heart vs head choice. Staying is the head option - if we stay here we'd probably spend £50k on an extension to give us a better configuration, additional bathroom, utility room, downstairs wc. But overall mortgage debt would be half so better chance of repaying it/retiring early etc. But my heart is telling me to go for the beautiful dream location which would provide better long term financial growth with short-medium term inconvenience due being 40min away.. DH is happy whatever I decide.

Help please! My late mum would be my sounding board and since she died I'm without someone to talk this over with. AIBU to move to the big project house? YABU = stay put, YANBU = move

OP posts:
LupinLou · 20/11/2025 18:00

You say you don't have a good rate on your mortgage because of past financial troubles. If they're recent enough to still be affecting your mortgage I'm not sure that someone would want to lend double with a presumably a bigger ltv

ThatGladTiger · 20/11/2025 18:01

There is a reason it’s not selling. Many people take on renovations.

What happens if you have grossly underestimated the £100k it needs to fix? You’ve then maxed out your mortgage and have to live in a building site.

I wouldn’t do this. Financial security especially in these times is more important.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:02

LupinLou · 20/11/2025 18:00

You say you don't have a good rate on your mortgage because of past financial troubles. If they're recent enough to still be affecting your mortgage I'm not sure that someone would want to lend double with a presumably a bigger ltv

It was down to our household income being low due to my business closing in Covid, plus loans we had due to the business struggling financially. I'm now in permanent employment and DH has doubled his salary since then (& we're almost debt free!)

OP posts:
mindutopia · 20/11/2025 18:07

Depends on the sort of happiness and lifestyle it would bring you. Dh and I earned probably a bit more than you (self employed so it’s hard to say an exact salary, but I’d say over £100k but not by loads).

We bought our first house when I was 40. £500k mortgage and £1700 repayments. Very happy with that choice and it’s been very manageable. We’re able to overpay and hope to be mortgage free before we’re 50. It’s a great house in a lovely area and has meant we have a good life that we enjoy.

I wouldn’t spend money just to spend it. I’d buy a place that allows you to live the life you want, but I don’t think a mortgage of that size is wild at your age. 36 is not 56.

bilbodog · 20/11/2025 18:08

house sounds gorgeous OP. We bought our ‘forever home’ an edwardian double fronted house when we were late 30s. It was in good but dated nick so we spent the first 7 years decorating ourselves. Had a new boiler and central heating done when money allowed. We did more expensive changes when i received an inheritance. We never regretted living there even though we had to downsize earlier than planned due to my DH losing his job a couple of times and we all wish we still lived there. We didnt get rid of a mortgage until we were late 50s and have now downsized to suffolk and have managed to retire to our second dream home.

any chance of finding a similar house which would be closer to schools?

Bohemond23 · 20/11/2025 18:10

Be wary. You possibly won’t get a mortgage with an uncompliant septic tank. My friend went through this exact scenario. The seller had to sort the tank before the sale could go ahead.

Elektra1 · 20/11/2025 18:14

40 min drive to school: no. And that’s without the financial stretch. Stay put, enjoy being near your dad and your kids’ school friends and school, and improve what you have as and when you can afford it.

Choconuts · 20/11/2025 18:18

Have you actually checked the mortgage repayments as I think they’ll be about £1000 more than you’re currently paying.

TwoTuesday · 20/11/2025 18:19

You'll spend your life on the school/ dad run for the next ten years, the mortgage sounds ok though.

HeyThereDelila · 20/11/2025 18:23

I love the sound of it and can see why you do too…. But… don’t do it.

Two DC with additional needs, 40 mins away, far from your DF who is presumably now a widower, you earn £22k, it’s more debt and a big project.

I wouldn’t do it, sorry OP. Look for something more manageable nearer to your DF.

rainsbows · 20/11/2025 18:24

Tricky! I’m 37. Our combined income is £102k, house is worth 920k, the mortgage remaining is only 57k. Size wise it’s perfect for us. Location could be better though it’s only 15min drive to school / work and a bus ride to station / big town centre. I too regularly think of moving. But for the same size house in a “nicer” area, eg 2 miles down the road, our 57k mortgage would become ten times that easily. It’s insane.

Zanatdy · 20/11/2025 18:27

from someone who has been doing the school run for 27yrs. Do not move 40 mins away, as it will a lot longer in morning traffic. Takes me 25 mins to go 3.5miles.

cestlavielife · 20/11/2025 18:28

Factor all the extras insurances mainenance (paying gardener?) . Higher council tax? Heating bills . Paying childcarers so you can fit in the DIY.

Multiply your reno budget x 3 just in case. What happens if dh gets sick? Get goid insurance to cover that.

If youhave good contingency ...

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:29

@EponymousEponine you seem to almost be in limerance to this house batting off any negative as if it doesn’t exist.

and you can’t buy a house like this - this decision needs you to go in seeing it exactly as it is warts and all and accepting of them and that they exist. You need to know what the flaws are and be ok with them.

you need this to be a head and heart decision

opencecilgee · 20/11/2025 18:31

you have more than 30 years of working life left. So yes, go for it!

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:34

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:29

@EponymousEponine you seem to almost be in limerance to this house batting off any negative as if it doesn’t exist.

and you can’t buy a house like this - this decision needs you to go in seeing it exactly as it is warts and all and accepting of them and that they exist. You need to know what the flaws are and be ok with them.

you need this to be a head and heart decision

This is my problem - I get emotionally attached to houses in a big way. It was like that for our current and previous homes. I still occasionally drive past 'the one that got away'.. but yes you're absolutely right. I think I posted to see what comments would come up to help me weigh up how I actually feel about this and whether its worth the time investigating it further.

I think next steps are calling our lender, putting a spreadsheet together (be still my beating heart!) & seeing if our builder will come along to another viewing with me.

OP posts:
HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 18:35

You already have a 5 bed house

40 mins each way to school - so nearly 3 hours of round trips to schools each day

it sounds quite remote so as your kids get older and want to see their friends not hang out with your goats you’ll also be taxi-ing then to get anywhere. And what if they want to do activities after school and at weekends?

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:37

cestlavielife · 20/11/2025 18:28

Factor all the extras insurances mainenance (paying gardener?) . Higher council tax? Heating bills . Paying childcarers so you can fit in the DIY.

Multiply your reno budget x 3 just in case. What happens if dh gets sick? Get goid insurance to cover that.

If youhave good contingency ...

Yes you're right I need to put together a full multi year breakdown. Its unlikely to be more ongoing costs as our current home is a similar age/size (& a pain to heat!), but being able to save & eventually afford the different stages of building work that would be required is important. Thank you

OP posts:
Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:38

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:34

This is my problem - I get emotionally attached to houses in a big way. It was like that for our current and previous homes. I still occasionally drive past 'the one that got away'.. but yes you're absolutely right. I think I posted to see what comments would come up to help me weigh up how I actually feel about this and whether its worth the time investigating it further.

I think next steps are calling our lender, putting a spreadsheet together (be still my beating heart!) & seeing if our builder will come along to another viewing with me.

Edited

And properly looking at the negatives - that drive will be brutal. Can it work with working, do you have any leeway if prices go up. Exactly why is it that price (because there must be something)

you cannot make this a heart decision it has to be head because as you yourself indicate there is no safety net return - the house you are in is a unicorn and is irreplaceable so it is a one way move

do how you feel is actually irrelevant it is whether it can financially and practically work

and you need to answer that first and foremost

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:39

HermioneWeasley · 20/11/2025 18:35

You already have a 5 bed house

40 mins each way to school - so nearly 3 hours of round trips to schools each day

it sounds quite remote so as your kids get older and want to see their friends not hang out with your goats you’ll also be taxi-ing then to get anywhere. And what if they want to do activities after school and at weekends?

See this is exactly what I need to hear - when you put it like that (3 hours of round trips!) it feels more impactful. Ive posted in previous replies about my kids - if only after school clubs existed that meet their needs!

OP posts:
chickenfucker · 20/11/2025 18:39

They do say the best way to make money through equity is to take the maximum mortgage you can afford. Which sort of makes sense assuming prices are increasing. We did this at exactly your age and it's quite scary but we do have more than double the equity now seven years later than we had when we moved in, despite borrowIng more for new kitchen and bathroom. We also have a fuck off mortgage payment every month though.

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:41

@EponymousEponine and I think if you were my daughter I would tell you it is your decision but one which you need to be completely and totally aware of all the factors, all the risks and all the rewards and actually make sure your heart isn’t leading your astray.
Your children are relying on your to make the right call and it isn’t one you can do lightly

AdoptDontShop2025 · 20/11/2025 18:41

I'd do it. We did it. We did it. No regrets.

whirlyhead · 20/11/2025 18:41

It’s a difficult one, as it’s easy to get carried away over a property and over commit finance wise only for it to come back and bite you in the bum. I have a fantastic builder who quoted on my current house, but when he started the work all sorts of problems arose so the original 100k price ended up closer to 200k and we still haven’t finished. Prices keep going up!

40 minutes is a long journey to do several times a day especially in terrible weather.

but you’re young still so maybe none of these things bother you. It’s up to you at the end of the day.

EponymousEponine · 20/11/2025 18:41

Tiswa · 20/11/2025 18:38

And properly looking at the negatives - that drive will be brutal. Can it work with working, do you have any leeway if prices go up. Exactly why is it that price (because there must be something)

you cannot make this a heart decision it has to be head because as you yourself indicate there is no safety net return - the house you are in is a unicorn and is irreplaceable so it is a one way move

do how you feel is actually irrelevant it is whether it can financially and practically work

and you need to answer that first and foremost

Thank you this is exactly what I need to hear (and just what my mum would be saying to me).

OP posts: