to try and make new friends in my 30's.

[aredrosegrewup]

I've had a shit couple of years with infertility and depression. It's affected all areas of my life and the infertility stuff is still ongoing.

I've been in therapy for nearly a year now which has been slow going but helpful.

One of the areas this has all affected is friendships. I've lost so many friends and we've also lost couple friendships. I've gone from seeing people at least once a week, individually or as couples, days/nights out, having people round/going to theirs and all of the extended friendships that come with it.

I'm now literally down to 2 friends, one of them I hardly ever see (not for any negative reason), and the other I see more often but not all that often.

I've become such a lonely house hermit and as much as I love being at home and I really, truly do, I want to be seeing people and having good conversations, having a glass of wine, going to a museum, going out in the woods. I do all these things with my other half or on my own but it's just not the same is it?

How on earth do I make friends. I did join a local gardening group and they're all lovely but significantly older than me, which is fine, but they're in a different stage of life.

I have joined an online thing called grounded connections but I feel like a tit! I haven't met up with anyone yet because I've only just signed up, but I'm a bit shy meeting others too and it takes me a while to warm up!

Has anyone found themselves in this position before and can offer any advice?? Thank you!

Is there no way to connect with previous friends? It is really hard making friends at this age! A friend of mine made friends at her Pilates class as it was quite a chatty group, could something like that be worth a shot?

I don't think it's possible at this point unfortunately. I personally didnt handle things well and neither did they and I'm sure we each think the other is at fault. I did initially apologise and explain where I was at but it mustn't have been enough.

I do swim and go to the gym at a busy club but I don't gravitate towards the group exercise classes because I feel like such a tit meeting new groups of people 😂

Totally understandable! But maybe it’s time to put yourself out there.

Sorry about your old friends, I wouldn’t apologise to them again, it’s a shame but they’ve made their choice.

I know, it's all on me to put the effort in. I'm just naturally shy when first meeting people. I've never been able to shake it.

I really sympathise. It's very hard.
My only suggestion is, find something you're interested in and, if you can, volunteer in that area. Even if you don't make friends immediately, you'll still enjoy yourself.
This is probably trite. But I think it's best to focus on doing activities you enjoy, and friendships might come from that.

It's not trite, I'll take any and all advice, thank you!

I’m in my mid-30s and joined a running club (as a complete beginner - on a couch to 5k course) about two years ago. I would say I’ve made friends there - I run with the group a couple of times a week, a few of us text a bit in the week, and we’ve been out for dinner & drinks together a few times too. Even though I’m not best buddies with everyone in the group, just knowing I’ll see nice people twice a week and have a bit of a chat with them there has made a huge difference to me socially. The group I run with is just for women and most are aged 30-55 with a few younger and older - it’s been really good for me.

I made friends through feminist campaigning & volunteering for my local animal rescue. It does help if you’re all there for a purpose, & gives you something to chat about.

That's nice to hear. Do you have friends otherwise? Were you looking to make friends when you started?

Are they friends that you see outside of those activities?

Yes. It wasn’t instant but you wouldn’t expect it to be.

Thanks!

You could have a look at Meetup and see what groups are in your area. I've seen various sorts of Meetup groups - language practice, cinema, music, book clubs, crafts of all sorts, walking/hiking/climbing/running, board games, dining clubs.

Is there a hobby that you've let slip? Or one that's always interested you? Check libraries, museums. supermarkets and GP surgeries for notices about various groups and meetings. If, for example, you'd fancy something arty, look at the websites of local galleries to see if they run classes or have an art club.

Does your town/city have a "what's on" website? If you sign up to ours you get weekly emails about various activities that are taking place.

Another thought - I met one of my closest friends through a course run by the WEA locally. The WEA no longer operate in my area but you could check yours and see if they do anything that appeals.

If you fancy anything sporty, go to your local sports equipment store and ask if they know of any local groups you could join.

I moved to my area as an adult so I don’t have a network of friends outside of current/former colleagues here. I am close to about four of them - three who I still work with (but pretty much only see at work) & the other who I meet for a coffee/dinner once a month or so.

I have children but I work full time so I’m not especially close with any mums from school either. We do go out a couple of times a year together.

I know and like a lot of people but I don’t see a lot of them enough to become firm friends. I have found seeing the same group of women twice a week every week a pretty fast way to make friends. I think that’s the real difficulty with making friends as an adult - you just don’t see people often enough (like you might have done at school) to develop a close bond.

It's totally possible to make new friends in your 30s and beyond. I think it's more easily done through hobbies and shared interests rather than meet up groups and apps, in my experience anyway.

I have lots of hobbies but they all tend to be bloody solitary. There was a local sewing group with a good mix of ages but they didn't reply to my email so I could send another to them. It's me needing to put myself back out there as well which I find really hard.

Yeah, time is definitely one of the main issues isn't it! I have "work friends" as you say. We get along very well but we don't tend to see each other outside of work unless it's a work night out.

I find it really hard to put myself into a group of new people. I'd love to be somebody who could just strike up a conversation with anybody!

You could try something like meetup.com? Just start with the rambles or cinema trips with a few to getting out. My hairdresser swears by his local group as he loves cycling and rambling and has got to know people to go to the pub with etc.

A couple of people have mentioned meetup, I'll have a look.

Im finding myself in a similar situation, struggling with infertility, waiting for an operation and feeling like life is on hold, lonely and missing being with a group of friends. I WFH which doesn't help.
Did you end up joining Grounded Connections and go on a meet? I've thought about it but wasn't sure if it seemed worth it. Would love to hear your experience though!

I’ve met friends through amateur dramatics. You don’t have to go on stage - costume/crew/backstage/set making/props etc. There’s always a wide variety of ages and there also tends to be an active social scene too! Lots of pub visits after rehearsals etc. I’m involved with a couple and they’re all very welcoming to newcomers.

It's really bloody hard isn't it! I did try grounded connections. Had a couple of meet ups with small groups for walks. Haven't found 'my people' yet but met some nice people. I'll keep trying it for a while. Where abouts are you located?