Work night out

[worriedmum8686]

Work in a place with around 60 others so obviously everyone has their own groups they stick too.

I am good friends with a woman and have been for around 5 years however the last year or so she has become very hard work. Snappy with others and when we go on nights out as a group she cries and brings the mood right down. She isn't depressed or anything she really is just loves attention. She is in her 40s and single no kids so never really is busy like the rest of us are. Anyway I am close to three other women in the place and we have decided to go on a night out in a few weeks but they don't want other friend to go. Now she does eat with us at lunch but again the conversations are always very negative.

We cannot say that we are going out as last time we did she barked at us where's my invite so we ended up saying oh yes of course you're invited and along she came and cried most of the night. She also is very rude with one of the other women in the group and tells 'funny' stories about her at lunch which aren't funny and are more to embarrass her. Any time anyone confronts her about her behaviour she runs off to management and says she is feeling picked on.

are we really awful to just not mention the night out and hope she doesn't find out or am I being a terrible person

Are we really believing she is whiny. Who uses that word anyway? What do you call someone belittling another woman, as they say she is not busy like they are. What a load of tosh. They are trying to justify their actions. And by the way, sorry to educate, but teenagers use the word bitches.

Nah, don't tell her. she sounds wearing

Are you a teenager? I would hope by adulthood we'd have grown out of that sort of misogynistic name-calling.

Regardless, OP's description is of a whiny, difficult, snappy, and unpleasant woman. I have no reason she'd come onto the internet anonymously to lie about any of that.

I bet you are a joy in the workplace. I can confirm that word is very much alive and kicking. Perhaps you work from home or somewhere very woke.
We have a laugh at our work because it’s very challenging, everyone is supportive and included.

What a weird response. You assume I'm joyless because I don't like women calling each other bitches?

The fact that you use the word "woke" dismissively like it's a bad thing is very telling of your character, IMO. I suspect your 'having a laugh' and mine are probably quite different.

Yes. And you are probably one of those parents everyone moans about. Who make our lives difficult.

Doesn't take kids to be busy or not,
I have a friend with 5 kids and she's never busy as such as she has staff. So just because your friend doesn't have kids, that's not a sole reason to be not busy as much as there are mums who aren't.

This is not a work night out. It's a night out with friends you have made at work. We do this. We are a team of 8 women. Six of us get on well and will socialise outside of work. The other two are up their own arses and I'd really rather stab my own eyes out than spend an evening with them so they're not invited. Basically if one expects to get invited on nights out one has to not behave like a dick. Simple as that.

By the way, people getting offended by saying parents are busier: that is just objectively true. Single people can have busy lives if they make them busy. Parents have busy lives whether they like it or not. I'd bloody love to have ten hours week to run a dog shelter or something. As it is, I'm in the quarry, tackling washing mountain.

I mean, I'd stop proactively communicating with someone you want to distance yourself from to start with

It's not true though. People who aren't parents may be carers for example. Everyone's circumstances are individual and not based on one characteristic.

I am well aware that people who have no kids and are single can have very busy lives. The woman I am taking about does not it is just a fact. She doesn't go to the gym, she doesn't care for anyone, she doesn't have hobbies I know this because I know her and she tells me as such. If anyone on this thread wants to tell me she may just be as busy as me a working full time mum with kids who all do different activities the you are just being argumentative for the sake of it.

so no she isn't busy she just isn't her weekends are spent doing nothing again I know as she complains to me most weeks about how boring her weekends was. The only reason I said that point in the original post was because I know we can't mention it with the hope she might have other plans and can't go because we know she won't and will be able too

I didn’t like all of my colleagues, but I stuck a smile in my face and was pleasant…I don’t see it as being two-faced exactly, more like making the working day more pleasant to get through. I wouldn’t invite her OP. I’ve no time for the weepers and wailers when I’m out enjoying myself!

I'm not responding to your post, just the poster who said 'people' with children are busier. Your post is explaining one person's circumstances, so that's completely different.

Anyway yesterday at lunch she was again very rude to one of the other women going out so it's sealed the fact that we won't be inviting her now anyway

If you were inviting the entire office or team and just leaving out her then it would be mean. However in a large workforce its natural that people will split off into small groups. You are entitled to make what arrangements you wish outside work. I would quietly make them with your two other friends and avoid discussing the arrangement with her before or afterwards. Make your arrangements descreetly by email or text. No need to make a big drama out of it.

Sorry but I’d be going out with my friends and when she finds out I’d say ‘I’m allowed to socialise without you!!’
if she goes to the manager… so what?….. tell manager you tolerate her at work but don’t want to socialise out of work…. What you do outside of work is none of your managers business!!
Shes cross with you… that’s great… hopefully she’ll leave you alone and make new friends!
also when she’s embarrassing work colleagues why not tell her then she’s out of order and to sit else where with other people!

When she’s rude why isn’t she challenged?
so what if she runs to management… tell management what she says to others and it’s her that would be told off not you