To think most long-term couples aren’t evenly matched in looks and it affects staying power?

[MatchOrMismatch]

Obviously “attractiveness” is subjective and love isn’t just about looks, I get that. But the older I get, the more I notice something: people don’t often marry someone in their “looks category” (whatever that is to them) and when there’s a big gap, especially where one partner knows they “married up” or “married down”, things often get shaky long-term.

I’ve seen it play out in different ways:
-Resentment or insecurity on one side
-Complacency or power imbalance on the other
-Or one person constantly being reminded that “you’re lucky to have them”, which slowly erodes the dynamic

Of course there are exceptions, loads of beautiful people with average-looking partners and vice versa. But AIBU to think when there’s a big mismatch and they both know it… the odds of staying together long-term are lower?

(Not saying it’s right, just something I’ve observed.)

Nope - don’t agree. I’m not shallow enough to judge anyone on looks. Or how much money they’ve got.

Personality, kindness, humour, generous nature etc are what really counts.

Make or female, looks fade.

Years ago I had a job which involved checking clients passports - it was really interesting how alike most couples looked . I think on the whole people pick someone quite like them - aging though impacts different people differently . I’m significantly younger than DH - but you really wouldn’t know

Attraction is subjective and a dark art. It’s has nothing to do with it an outsider reckons they’re on an even keel.

This thread is quite depressing. So we all get a score, do we? Looks being the most significant one, followed by personality and maybe intelligence, kindness, sense of humour, etc.
Fortunately, in my world beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

You've said it yourself "the older you get".

Plenty of people let themselves go or age differently or have difficult hands dealt to them in life. Sometimes it happens to both together, sometimes just one half of the couple. Perhaps that's what you're seeing.

I think its because there is a massive push on fillers, fake lashes, fake nails, hair extensions etc for women lately. I lot of women in their 40s are beginning to look and dress younger because of the all of the above. Their partners simply look their age.

Opposite for me.

I was the 'pretty' girl at 20, naturally blonde and sweet. On that basis much better than dh, subjectively. Although every aspect of his personality was strong, solid and reliable.

Now in our 60s, I'm fat and frumpy. He is a silver fox.

We still love each other just the same.

There’s something in that last sentence, absolutely. The reverse is true too, if you fall out of love with someone you can end up wondering what on earth you saw in them on all levels, including looks.

I have an ex like that. Thought he was incredibly good looking when we first met, but over the years, as his negative personality traits became increasingly apparent, my physical attraction to him diminished. I don’t think he is good looking at all now, even in old photos.

Well I am stunning and my DH makes me laugh a lot of the time ,he used to be a chef so his meals are amazing he is excellent at putting batteries into watches. We get on well together and yet like doing our own thing as well. I go out and meet friends and like musicals whereas he doesn't. I am not really stunning I was joking! It takes all sorts to be part of a couple, some do everything together.

I don't think the looks matter at all my dh is nearly 42 im 38 been with him 9 years we actually have so much in common and literally think im so lucky to have him he's my rock and he's so kind im very lucky

IME in the medium term women age faster (hence silver fox phenomenon, for example) but in the end women's taking care of themselves better comes to the fore...

Yep. Anyone judging on looks alone is likely to end up failing with a relationship.

To answer your question directly - yes, you are being unreasonable. The fact that you’re analyzing this so deeply, thinking through all the different ways it could ‘play out,’ is honestly kind of baffling. Why are you so bothered by other people’s relationships? 😂

I don’t think looks is why long term
couple split up. I think it’s more life events (particularly stressful
ones), people change, fall out of love, get bored, meet someone else etc