To think that beyond a certain point you're not really inviting people for a meal...

[JohnPeel]

...you're just getting them prepare your dinner for you?

I got to know someone who I initially liked as he appeared to be very friendly and hospitable. However I gradually realised that his idea of having people round for a meal actually meant co-opting them into doing all the preparation.

Every time I went round I ended up sitting at the table for hours peeling spuds and other vegetables. The house was always an absolute tip - both unpleasantly messy and not very clean. The chap in question would put the meat in the oven and then swan around like Lord Bountiful.

On the second visit I asked whether I should bring anything and was told that a bottle of single malt whisky would be appreciated. Well fuck me, I'm sure it would, given they cost upwards of £40.

In the end I got bored of going round to do his food prep for him and phased the friendship out. I felt that if you're not bothering to make your house presentable, you're not bothering to prepare the food, yet you still expect expensive gifts, you're not really being particularly hospitable - but was IBU? Or is this the modern way?

I do get it as DD has ME/CFS. I did say in a subsequent post that it took a long time for him to get a diagnosis because he was already very lazy and using excuses not to do anything, so no-one believed him.

Did your DH get better?

Never happened to me but the guy sounds pretty eccentric tbh.

He sounds tedious. At uni, a guy in house one of my friends lived in used to sit in the kitchen reading a book and ask people passing to do the odd thing to prep his meal until it was all done without him lifting a finger. He was cheeky fucker in many ways and I could absolutely see him and his friends thinking reading Jabberwocky in French was the height of sophistication after a drawn out drunk supper. Pseudo-intellectual pretentiousness.

I would have some sympathy for the getting you to do some of the tedious stuff if he asked you to dinner a lot and you never reciprocated, though.

My apologies. It did flash across my mind that there may have been another post.

Fortunately, yes. He made a full recovery. I read a statistic somewhere that about 80% of sufferers never recover and the worst cases remain bed-ridden. My DH was in the lucky 20% who made a full recovery. He goes for early morning walks now and he's got a spring up his bum these days!

I read that as Cheeky Fucker Syndrome

Were half the guests women by any chance 🙄

Me too! 😂

I’m sure I’ll be accused of sexism or something but this sounds very much like a ‘man thing’.

I’ve experienced similar a few times but it has always been men who have done it, never women. Had some shocking experiences. One was a date where I was invited around for dinner and it was assumed I would bring the ingredients and cook for both him and his flatmate. Another was a friend and I was invited to their house for dinner, but while he was playing computer games with the rest of his family (all male) he expected me to stand in the kitchen and help his mum prepare the food.

To some men the concept of ‘putting yourself out’ by cleaning and cooking when hosting is completely alien. I’ve seen men expect the sort of help from female friends and female dates that they would never ask of their male friends. Even in my own family, I obviously love all the men around me, but their idea of hosting is to order in takeaway food every time or see if they can sweet-talk one of the women into cooking.

Not all men, obviously. But a lot of them.

If it is sexist I think it's also true! I wouldn't dream of inviting people round for a meal to a tip of a house and asking them to do all the grunt work.

Growing up in South Africa, it was quite normal ifyou were doing a braai (bbq) for a broader group of friends for everyone to bring their own meat. I'm not sure when this stops being a thing (or even if it does - I haven't lived there for a long time) but certainly as teenagers and young adults, yu'd have your friends over and you'd provide salads and sides, and nibbles or whatever, but everyone brought their own meat. As much as anything, this was a cost issue as these braais would routinly have upwards of 15-30 people.

I've heard a few people comment on south africans in london doing similar in the past. So if he's a Saffa....

Having said that, he sounds like a rude, entitled fuck so I'd be very happy to ditch him personally, south african or not.

We had 18 for Christmas dinner, it didn’t take us hours to peel the vegetables. How many were you preparing for? 30 plus?

I was exaggerating a little, but it was longer than just a five-minute job. On one occasion there were nearly 30 people.

One was a date where I was invited around for dinner and it was assumed I would bring the ingredients and cook for both him and his flatmate.

OMG! What happened? Did you leave?

My sister is like this. She doesn’t even put the meat in. Orders you as a guest to shop, cook, clean up and tend to her pets whilst she does nothing. She’s the worst host I’ve ever known. I refuse to stay there.