Aunt checking with solicitor behind my back

[HangryBrickShark]

Mum and Dad had a Will Trust drawn up in 2003.

My father died 2017.

Mum was asked to make a new Will as she had a lifetime interest in the house and as Dad was one of the trustees (mum was the other trustee along with two family friends - a couple she'dknown all her life who are my Godparents). The family friends both in their 80's wanted to cease being trustees as they were too old to cope with it so a deed was drawn up to cease them being Trustees.

I along with my partner (on Mums request as there was no other famiily to ask and my Mum thought a lot of my partner as we'vebeen together 25 yrs now) were both appointed as trustees along with my Mum. Previous Wills were null and void on the new Will being made on the death of the first spouse (my Dad).

Mum died earlier this year. Mum had given my Aunt (my Dad's sister) a copy of the old Will showing a number of beneficiares - mostly husband and wife couples who were friends of my parents. All the beneficiaries ceased upon Dads death under the terms of the trust as it all goes to me as absolute beneficiary. Now Mums died to I applied to the Solicitor for probate. Again I'm absolutely beneficiary. I did plan to gift money to some people in dads original Will although i'm under no obligation to with the terms of the new Will.

My Aunt has taken it upon herself to contact the solicitor acting on my behalf for the probate and winding up of the trust to see if they will speak to her alleging that I "haven't carried out my Dad's wishes in terms of paying out the beneficiares on the Will."

.Aunt is aware the beneficiaries that Dad appointed are no longer going to gain because the Will was amended in 2018 which I told her - I'd rang up the beneficiaries on the old Will to tell them about funeral arrangements and had told three of them they would be getting money once probate had finalised in a bit of a naughty effort to sway them to come to the funeral. Hold my hand up this was an error on my part as i hadn't realised at the time the new Will had superceded this old one.I get that my Aunt may have been confused about the Will and the Trust like i was but what stings is that she has gone behind my back by speaking to the Solicitor.

I had a call from Solicitor telling me Aunt had left two messages requesting a call back and gave my agreement Solicitor could discuss the file with her which she has done and will follow up the discussion with a letter at a cost of £150phr!

I can't shake the disappointment and sadness that my Aunt has caused me by not speaking to me about this. She mentioned one of the beneficiaries not receiving any money (a childhood friend of my Dads) and the only way she could have known this is if she'd have contacted him to find out if he had of received money.

I'm too upset to ring my Aunt to ask what the hell she was thinking of. She lives a 2hr round trip away from me, she is 99, does'nt have dementia although is quite depressed and lives on her own. Me, partner and Mum used to see her two or three times a year and Mum used to ring her regularly following Dads death. I ring her probably every month/five weeks and take her out for a meal on her bday and we have previously had her and my cousin round for Xmas a couple of times.

How should I tackle this going forward. Am I being reasonable to be upset or should I try and mend things.

I'm aware she's left me a considerable sum in her Will and quite honestly feel like telling her I don't want the money.

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding your post, but I assume your mother had power of appointment over the funds in question. I'm not surprised that your aunt was confused, specially if you told people they were beneficiaries when they weren't.

Possibly these people approached your aunt to ask for her help in clarifying the situation. I think that as it is quite complicated and further confused by you misinforming (ex) beneficiaries, it's understandable that the solicitor has been consulted.

I don't think you need to fall out with your aunt, its not going to xoat you very much in the scheme of things

No real advice but I am sorry you are having this additional stress at what must be a sad time for you.....I think your aunt is well out of order as I understand probate can take months to come through and noone gets anything until it has....
You're a better person than me, I would have instructed the solicitors to ignore her!
Of course in hindsight it was a terrible idea for your Mum to give her a copy of the will, as this has led to "expectations" but presumably it was well meant.
I wouldn't mention her (your aunt's) will and the possibility of you inheriting from her as I would expect that to add fuel to the flames.
I understand that you are upset but if you can be "the bigger person" it would probably be less stressful for you in the end....do you really want to fight with a loved one at the end of their life....and at 99 she only has a few years left, if that.
Good luck.

I dont agree with giving legal advice on MN as we don't know the full facts and the jurisdiction. No decent solicitor should give their opinion. (I say that as a solicitor who has in the past given general advice but who has come to the conclusion its not a good idea).

Sorry though that you have had this situation with your aunt.

I'm not sure why you allowed the solicitor to talk to your Aunt. You didn't have to.

I can see why you are frustrated but I can also see why your aunt may have been confused, given that she was given the old will and may have heard from some of the ex-beneficiaries that they will be getting some money. She's very elderly and possibly depressed so I would try to put your irritation to one side.

Just to understand - so you have lied to some of your parents friends and relatives telling them they’d receive money in an attempt to get them to come to the funeral, but this is in fact not true and you are the sole beneficiary?

It’s not entirely surprising then that she thinks something strange is going on, and has probably had these people ringing her to ask.

Call her, and share the details of the will - and come clean to those who you have promised money and tell them they weren’t eligible for anything.

You have nothing to hide by the sounds of it, so just be upfront. This sounds to me like a problem of your own creation - and I would be falling out with 99 year old over it.

so you have lied to some of your parents friends and relatives telling them they’d receive money in an attempt to get them to come to the funeral

No, I think OP is intending to give them some money.

Sorry about the loss of your mum.

It was a bit daft to lie to people to bribe them to come to a funeral. But in any case: tell solicitor to tell aunt that this is nothing to do with her and to stop calling.

And for you to just do the necessary and get on with your life.

I don’t think allowing the solicitor to speak to your aunt was the right thing to do and I would now retract that consent.

It’s likely your aunt wasn’t aware of the GDPR behind it or the bill for the solicitor’s time. Therefore, in the good faith she wasn’t malicious I would remove her access to the solicitor and if/when she speaks to you explain that the solicitor is billing the estate for all of the contact.

Op I’m sorry for your loss.

Am I right in thinking that your dad wanted some people to get some money and you and your mum decided they shouldn’t after he had died? I think it sounds a bit strange, perhaps dodgy, especially as you told people they would get something. So while I think your aunt shouldn’t have spoken to the solicitor if it looks like you are ignoring your dad’s wishes I could understand why. I think you need to do as your father wished, pay money to who was in the original will, and forget this happened - but make it clear to your solicitor that she shouldn’t speak to anyone but you about this.

Just say to aunt that you made a mistake telling people they were going to get money before the estate was sorted, and that there was a new will with different beneficiaries. Understandable oversights after a bereavement, surely.

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't think your aunt was being unreasonable to contact the solicitor for clarification (how does she know which solicitor?) but what I don't understand is why you didn't then call your aunt to clear things up, rather than letting the solicitor do it.

Also - she's 99. If you told her something in 2017/18, even if she doesn't have dementia, it's OK that she can't quite remember the details!

Very honestly... At £150 per hour I'd phone her or get in a car and go and speak to her.

You have no idea what rationale she has but it doesnt sound like shes trying to grt the ££££££ for herself or do anything other than what your parents wanted (she's doing it in a bizarre way i grant you....but again getting some context might help you here...

Grief does strange things and its worth remembering some of your behaviour was also pretty bizarre eg. luring people to funeral with promises of inheritance... did you call them back to explain you'd got it wrong?

They might be hassling her looking for "their money"

‘ I'd rang up the beneficiaries on the old Will to tell them about funeral arrangements and had told three of them they would be getting money once probate had finalised in a bit of a naughty effort to sway them to come to the funeral. ‘

This is what you did and who you are. Why do expect anyone else to hold themselves to a higher moral standard?

I think you should try to mend things.

Your aunt had reason to wonder what was going on, in part because you too were confused and added to the misunderstanding. She may well have approached the solicitor first (probably without realising they'd have to ask you and charge for the time) because she wanted to find out what was going on without talking to you because she feared upsetting you when you were grieving the death of your mother. It may not be that she asked people if they had received money, it may be that those people called her asking about it because they had expectations set in the past, or even by you, that they would and didn't want to approach you.

This is a relationship you've had for years, a strong family connection, and you have recently lost your mother. Try and mend the relationship and reconsider it in a few years when the rawness of your grief has abated a little. It common when we have lost someone important to us, in our grief, to divert some of the anger onto other matters and it can distort decisions. Give it time to settle before you decide whether your aunt has really treated you so badly.

I'm sorry for your loss, first of all - I have lost both of my parents (years ago) and miss them every day. I'm going to suggest maybe reconsidering honouring your dad's wishes and giving the beneficiaries what he wanted to. You'll never have a moment's peace if you don't, particularly as you led them to think you'd be doing so.

I'm sorry for your loss.
The wills, trusts, etc are far from straightforward and you yourself say you were confused about what was correct. Your aunt has wanted to ensure that her brother's wishes have been carried out correctly. At 99 she will have probably heard of lots of family situations where things went wrong after death. I would try very hard not to take this personally- she is trying to be a good sister. Let the solicitor confirm things to her, then offer to go over for a cup of tea with her.

So, OP and her partner are sole trustees and OP is sole beneficiary (red flag). That means no external oversight, could be perfectly legal, but it’s vulnerable to challenge, especially if:
The Aunt or others believe Dad’s wishes were ignored.
The Will was changed under questionable circumstances.
Possible evidence of undue influence, conflict of interest, or lack of transparency.

I'm sorry for your loss. My advice is more in the realms of non-legal. Your aunt's behaviour is odd but if I've read this correctly, you've been helpful by instructing the solicitor to send out confirmation. I'd follow up with a call to your elderly aunt explaining the circumstances agaon a few days after the letter arrives to talk her through it to try to ensure she understands how you're following your mother's wishes. I'd take stock before hew next birthday based on your feelings then after reflection and on what your aunt says whether you feel like taking your aunt and cousin out or whether she seems to have burnt your goodwill. Is it possible her cognition isn't as good as you think it was. Not to sound ageist but many 99 years olds (and younger) can sound cogent but lack comprehension and memory once they get an idea in their head. Good luck.

I think this is a situation that Youve brought upon yourself, and ultimately you need to accept that it was a reasonable next step for your aunt to seek clarification from the solicitor.

You’ve told people two different stories. One right, one wrong and misleading. The relative impact of the two and the order you told them makes it appear that you’re trying to pull a fast one. You aren’t. But that’s the picture you’ve painted for others because of the things you’ve chosen to say.

With that context, it’s right and proper for someone who thinks a will isn’t being followed to seek professional clarification. That was a reasonable next step by your aunt.

The solicitor told you. Thats reasonable.

You chose to let the solicitor handle it. That was reasonable. You didn’t have to. You could have spoken to your aunt direct. You had the option.

The solicitor is charging the estate for their services. Thats reasonable.

I wouldn't bank on getting your Aunts money.
You ring once a month, visit a couple of times a year and take her out on her birthday - she must get the bunting out!
Maybe your dad had told people they were getting something when he and mum passed and she's been contacted by them.
Ofcourse they shouldn't expect anything until its in their bank but many go their whole lives struggling and hope desperately that they might finally get something.
Why did dad dying make your mum/you change things?
Why are you bribing people to come to the funeral?

It sounds like she was confused and possibly didn’t realise that approaching the solicitor would cost you.

If you have a good relationship other than this then I would simply speak with her (face to face) and explain that the will was changed.

Have I missed something or shouldn’t it be as simple as communicating?

Approaching the solicitor would not have cost OP (or rather: the estate of OP's DM) anything if OP hadn't given consent for the solicitor to respond to the aunt.

What a mess! It feels like you've been landed with this after your mum went against your dad's wishes. Why dont you commit to fulfilling your dad's wishes out of respect to him and to his family/planned beneficiaries? That way everyone is happy and it takes the pressure off you

Tbh I'm not surprised if your aunt has got the wrong end of the stick as it's a confusing set up - I still don't really understand it - and you've not helped matters by giving out incorrect info. I can well understand why your aunt might think there's something iffy going on and if she did then it would make perfect sense to want to hear from the solicitor. And you could have said no to that (though that wouldn't have done much for your aunt's suspicions). It's just a misunderstanding, no need to be angry about it, just explain what's actually going on.