To think adults shouldn’t talk about Santa not being real in earshot of young children?

[crinklechips]

On public transport this morning a trio of women were chatting loudly about preparing for Christmas, including efforts they were making to convince their DC that Santa and elves was real (hiding presents, moving the elf etc)

There were a couple of young children in earshot (not mine).

I felt like tapping the women them on the shoulder and asking them to keep it down.

In the end the conversation moved on but should I have said something?

Should adults (especially parents who are bought in to “keeping the magic alive”) be mindful of not accidentally ruining it for others?

What, people talk to each other on the bus? Where is this place, you'd never do that in north London!!!

Children finding out Santa isn't real is a normal life stage and one of the ways they do this is by paying more attention to the world around them, how it works and what people are saying in it.

I get why people do Santa in the first place, I'm not a total grinch, but I can't work out for the life of me why people feel so deeply about artificially extending children's belief for as long as possible. They'll stop believing at some point and it's OK when they do - to be welcomed, even, as it shows they have observation and criticial thinking skills!

I agree with you. I be very mindful of talking about Santa not being real in front of children.

If you had a young child with you then you could have given them a wink and a shhh finger to your lips whilst indicating your child but as you were on your own you would have looked like a complete weirdo if you said anything to them.

It WAS in North London as it goes, crazy right?

What are you all on about?! Of course Santa is real. You can track him in Google maps in Christmas eve.

Yes there wasn’t really a way to do it without looking insane!

This "keeping the magic alive" thing has become a psychological obsession with adults these days and almost entirely for their own benefit. It didn't used to be the case. Children believed in Santa until they didn't. Parents didn't perform ridiculous handstands or actively lie to their kids. Finding out that Santa isn't real is a natural progression in life, in growing up and discovering the world around you. Kids find out through conversations they overhear, through other kids at school and through their own natural inquisitive minds but mostly because they aren't stupid. No child should be denied that progression. It isn't healthy. When I was at school most kids knew, or at least suspected, by the age of around seven.

My DC gradually figured it out for themselves which has been quite nice, they’ve just become sort of “in on the secret” rather than a moment of shock realisation.

We still all play along with the idea but in a fun way - we know they know, and they know we know they know, but it’s about maintaining traditions not real belief.

I think the conversation that these parents were having would just have been a bit of blunt way for a child to find out, especially as the kids on the bus looked like they were peak “believer” age.

I broadly agree with you that some people are OTT invested in it but I still think respecting the tradition of keeping the secret Is the community-spirited thing to do.

You wouldn’t loudly chat about the ending of a film in front of a queue of people waiting in line to see it. Feels like the same thing, just basic etiquette.

My children have never done Santa but we have always told them not to divulge to other children and I would be mindful of the same as an adult. It’s such a big thing for so many people that it’s best kept quiet I’ve found

Seems very self-absorbed given they were concerned about their own children finding out. But then people are very self-absorbed.

YANBU

In out house " santa" only brought stockings. The proper presents were from other people that they had to thank them for. Wasn't going to have kids thinking they could get a ridiculous amount of stuff because " SANTA" had no restrictions

DD1 at the age of 5 heard her Nanny and Auntie discussing Santa and learnt he wasn't real. She kept quiet for her little sister's sake (and also because she thought she might not get any presents)

DD2 absolutely adores Christmas her elder sister is no way as near invested, so yes adults should be very careful what they say

Edited to say I didn't know of this until she was in her 20s

Or maybe they’re just different people.

My brother believed for a lot longer than I did and I love Christmas more than he does.

Indeed. My 3 years older brother let me in on it when I was 5 and I recall thinking "Oh, right..." or some such. He told me the presents came from mum and dad, which was all I needed to know by way of consolation.

I think people should not teach children that Santa is real. By all means explain the myth and how it originated but it is pretense and children need to know that. Christmas is still magical without that. As for elfs on shelves and all that, when did that start? It's too ridiculous for words.

Let's be honest, Santa was just peripheral at Christmas. When I was a kid, I just wanted loads of stuff. I didn't give a crap who brought it.

I also think it’s bad that kids catalogues eg Mulberry Bush have a prominent ‘stocking fillers’ section!! I almost emailed them about renaming that section but thought they’d think I’m bonkers. Maybe I am, but Christmas bring the passion out in many people doesn’t it 😄.

It’s crazy though because kids who can read are also still young enough to believe in Father Christmas, and they all love looking through the catalogues.

You can't police people's discussions, but it's a bit rich to loudly talk about efforts they were making to convince their DC that Santa and elves was real in front of other children

You can talk about anything, and joke about anything at all, but not in front of anyone.

It's obviously not the same, but you wouldn't talk about still birth or horrible drama in front of a very obviously pregnant woman, would you?

You are mindful about environment, it's not that hard.

It’s got to be London because when you move out of London you suddenly realise nobody uses public transport - everybody drives!

I believed in Santa even though my parents never told me he is real.
My dc believes in Santa even though I did tell him he’s not real and it’s all just a game/story.

OP sounds very unreasonable to me. We shouldn’t lie to our own children and certainly not play pretend in public.

That's how I first found out for sure about Santa. I did hear a story about someone in my class being woken up by her parents putting her stocking on her bed, and Mum did try the "X was so naughty that Santa didn't come to her, and her parents didn't want to come to her" shite on me (I didn't believe it, but since my parents were so determined that I should keep believing, it was easier at the time to just play along, and I just didn't mention that I'd picked up on the same wrapping paper thing. I only mentioned that years later, when I was too old for the "Santa just buys them and we wrap them for him" line.)

I did know someone else who found out via an overheard conversation, although it wasn't quite the same - it was her parents talking about buying a particular present in front of her, and it was only when she said "That means there's no Santa!" that her parents remembered that Santa had supposedly given the present in question.

This is quite an ask though. Years ago I was in a coffee shop with my friend, really upset because my beloved dog had just been put to sleep. A woman at the next table said excuse me and told me our conversation was distressing her child. I was already in tears, and felt even worse for that - we weren’t talking loudly in any way, just that the tables were close together in a small business. I apologised then we left straight away, but it felt quite intrusive of the woman and I have never forgotten it!

Fair point about how little public transport is used outside London, especially buses. I remember when conductors were removed from the local buses where I lived at the time, someone pointed out calling it a 'one man bus' was wrong. Someone else said that it was accurate as there was usually only one man on the bus, the driver.

Santa not being real is not at all the same as the horror of a still birth, wtf. It's so far from the same why even use it as example?

Absolutely nuts.