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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put education above owning a house (possibly ever)?

53 replies

Wtfdoidoplease · 18/11/2025 19:06

Name changed due to financial info.
My husband and I live in London and have a disabled daughter. We have always rented and have a pretty secure tenancy. Our daughter is due to start reception next year.

We are surrounded by mainstream schools with extra funding for SEN, one within a 15 minute walk. Ten minutes walk away is a specialist school if that doesn’t work out. Ten minutes’ drive away is another school that is renowned nationally for specialising in that disability. The mainstream 15 mins away seems perfect and it is likely she will get a place thanks to EHCP which is in progress.

The issue is we are priced out from ever owning a place here. We were going to move out of the city to be closer to family but then Liz Truss happened, and then I became pregnant very quickly after starting trying so we stayed. Now we don’t know what to do.

We can’t afford to buy a place here that meets her needs. We earn about £100k between us split equally, with him working full time and me working three days. We have about £50k in savings not counting the £7k for our daughter saved from her benefits and earmarked for her needs. I have a relative who has said he will give us £10k if we buy a house, and a possible inheritance of anything up to about £50k coming but I am not relying on it. I could increase my earnings or apply for a big job, but that would likely be in London.

The place we were going to move to has a SEND crisis, as so many other places do. There is no way the schools are going to be as good at supporting our daughter as the ones here. But staying here means possibly never being able to buy and we are not getting any younger.

AIBU to think to stay because of the schools, even if that means renting forever? Just want to do right by her as much as I can.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wtfdoidoplease · 19/11/2025 19:42

2x4greenbrick · 19/11/2025 15:56

If DD is receiving good support, I would be reluctant to move.

However, just because a school is positive, doesn’t necessarily mean the LA will name it, unfortunately. There are very limited reasons LAs can lawfully refuse to name parental preference, but LAs act unlawfully all the time and force parents to appeal. There is also the chance the school won’t respond positively to the consult even if they are positive beforehand to you - although state schools can be named even if they object.

If you do move, whilst the EHCP transfers and the new LA becomes responsible for the EHCP, they will review the EHCP and potentially amend or even try to cease to maintain. You would be able to appeal, but it is a risk you need to be aware of. There is also the possibility they will undertake a reassessment of needs.

I would be very surprised if this school didn’t happen for our daughter - our LA has a very good track record and the school are pretty confident the borough will support the place. Even in a worse case scenario where we don’t get this school, there are at least four others within walking distance with additional funding for SEND and even our closest catchment wise (assuming there is no EHCP granted which would be crazy) is probably better than any school in the town we were going to move to.

What you say about transferring with the ECHP is worrying, though. Less worrying than if we moved without one at all to this county near family where SEND sounds like a disaster, but still.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wtfdoidoplease · 19/11/2025 19:47

Lindy2 · 19/11/2025 12:16

I'm definitely going to be outnumbered here but I'd take a different view.

I have a child with SEN and an EHCP. She had reasonably support at Primary level. Secondary education and the pressure of GCSEs became all too much pressure. No amount of support would have helped really although more could have been done if the system was better. She was in mainstream. We're hoping that at some point she will pass her maths and English but anything more than that is extremely unlikely.

She is unlikely to have a well paid career although hopefully she will have a job in the future that brings her satisfaction.

For her and us, the security of an owned home is of greater importance. A home for her to live in now and hopefully inherited capital much further down the line.

Being blunt - with all the support in the world a string of great qualifications and a glittering career is not going to happen. Priorising her education and keeping renting wouldn't have increased her qualifications/career potential but would have foregone a fully paid for home.

Only you know your child's potential but don't underestimate how challenging GCSEs are and the impact of Secondary School pressure is on neurodiverse children with SEN. Take a long term view too and consider adult needs as well a young child needs. The SEN is always there whatever the age.

I see what you are saying, but in our daughter’s case a good educational support system now could make a drastic difference in her ability to communicate and possibly live independently. We want her to be able to access things like speech and occupational therapy while she is small to set her up as well as possible for the future. I am not prepared to forgo access to excellent speech therapy in a warm and welcoming school environment with a total communication approach, sensory rooms etc so that we can get on the property ladder. Besides, if I lose work because we have moved somewhere where there’s no school place for her then we will cease to be able to cover a mortgage fairly quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wtfdoidoplease · 19/11/2025 19:52

Thank you everyone for your input, whether you agree with me or not. It’s all been so helpful.

I feel we should stay put for now but the next six months to a year will be crucial. Once we have the EHCP in place and an idea of what school we have been given, we will have a clearer picture. I will also have a better idea of what’s going on money wise. I have a big work project that could pay out and bring us a lump sum or could go nowhere (in which case I should probably try and get another job or move to four days a week). I will be manifesting some money for myself and also sending good thoughts out into the universe for you and all your children too. Having a child with SEND is stressful but the other parents who understand really help to ease the burden. Thanks to each and every one of you 💕

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