What do you think of this situation? unreasonable or normal?

[inapickle99]

Sarah and John have a young child together (3) and John has two older children (7&9) who stay with them 40% of the week. They have been together for 5 years.

John is self employed and was working at the weekend, Sarah was at home with all children. Sarah invited to go on a day out with her sister and niece and agrees. She drops off two step children with their dad to spend the day at his work with him and goes with their joint child on the day out (to an aquarium).

Do you think this is reasonable? No option given to the other children to go along.

I couldn't imagine leaving children behind to go on a trip to an aquarium, especially kids who I've been in their lives for 5 years. Poor kids, always the ones to suffer for their parents decisions.

She's been in their lives since they were 2 and 4? I'd say she's being pretty unreasonable not to treat them all the same at this point. Were the step children bothered?

It appears that John & Sarah have a fair few issues with communication and expectations.

If both of the above were working well, this wouldn't even be a question.

If that is the whole story it is unreasonable but suspect there is a different version out there. Why was John working when he had his kids if he had a choice. Was the aquarium trip already planned

I think it’s reasonable for Sarah to take just her own child on an outing with her family, but only if she gives appropriate notice to ensure the other children’s father could actually care for them. He’s at work and presumably they had agreed she’d look after all three children? The last minute dumping of kids on someone who’s trying to do their job is unreasonable bar medical emergency.

My hunch is this is the tip of a considerable iceberg though.

You can’t just drop 2 kids on him to look after if he’s at work if it’s not pre-agreed.

And a bit rubbish for the kids seeing the other child going off for a day out when they’re left hanging out at their dad’s work?

It’s heartless. Mothers like this shouldn’t get together with men that already have kids.

Include them and treat them all the same.

Maybe John’s a ringmaster at the circus though.

Sarah was mean to those poor children.

If John expects Sarah to do his parenting for him, he is unreasonable.

But if Sarah thought she could keep two children she has been step-mother to since they were pre-schoolers, she is both unreasonable and unrealistic.

John and Sarah should not have had a joint child if they couldn’t agree to manage the ones that already existed.

Yep this is a partner issue where clearly Sarah resents John working at the weekend and therefore de facto making her in charge of 3 kids and she has made a passive aggressive move

Does John work every weekend and leave Sarah to take care of his children during what should be his contact time?

Is this her making a point as part of an ongoing issue?

• Why was John working if he had his kids there this weekend? He's self-employed so surely can manage his time better as his own boss?
• Had Sarah expressly agreed to look after his two children so that he could go and do whatever was so important? If so, how did John feel about her changing the arrangements at short notice and in a way that could impact on his ability to work that day?
• If sister invited Sarah, did Sarah ask if the other children could go?
• If so and the answer was no - why was this?
• If it was short notice, why did Sarah not just decline and suggest another time/date so that the tweo kids didn't have to be bored out of their skull at dad's work?

Solution: John needs to get a job at the aquarium. (Tongue in cheek as this whole thing is so convoluted without more context...)

What is John's job? For most jobs, it would be a right pain to have a 7 and 9 year old with you all day. I think this would be very upsetting for the older kids and sets a very obvious 'You are not my real kids' precedent. So I think Sarah is BU.

Sarah was mean.

I don't think these two kids should have been dumped off with their dad - that was such a mean thing to do. They should have been included. I was a stepchild and had to endure this kind of cruelty from my step-parent.

Sarah is BU unless John works at a theme park or similar.

Translation: Sarah has boundaries. Plus she's not a nanny with a fanny

Sarah is passive aggressive as fuck 😂

It’s a really mean thing to do to two innocent kids though.

Oh well. Long as the adult is ok, damn the kids (who had no say in any of this shitshow)

If it was a rare occurrence that he was asking me to look after his children on his custody time I’d just take them with me but if he was making a habit of working whilst he’s meant to have his children that weren’t mine I’d have an issue with it and wouldn’t be taking them with me.

anyone saying that Sarah is mean or cold hearted would be the first to say she was a pushover if she was on here moaning that her husband expected childcare from her constantly and that she should have stood up for herself from the beginning.

What kind of exclusive aquarium is this that there wasn't an 'option' for the two step kids to go? Regardless of whether John should have been working (if he has to work at weekends he should have the kids on different days) it's not fair to dump the kids on him at the last minute & exclude them from the day out.

Or you could flip it and say it’s not fair for John to work on the time he knows he has has children who don’t live with him full time and aren’t the responsibility of his new partner.

He’s self employed and has the luxury of being able to decide as and when he works.

What kind of worm does John do? I assume it’s not more exciting than an aquarium?

Sarah should have taken all 3 kids.

Blame that on their actual parent. Not the woman who’s married to their parent.

Yet again step mums being vilified for the actual parents behaviour.