Meeting a baby

[KeenSnail]

I’m very curious to know how long people would expect to wait to meet a new baby?

My son is just coming up to a month old and has met his grandparents and great grandparents but is yet to meet any uncles, aunties or friends.

He has been poorly (had to have antibiotics) and I have 2 year old DS who was also unwell so making plans hasn’t been a priority.

Although I’m not deliberately avoiding social interaction I’m certainly not in a rush to organise things either.

In the first few weeks everyone was saying ‘no rush’ ‘let us know when you are ready’ but I have noticed a shift now that a few people have become quite insistent and yesterday even had a distant relative turn up (without invitation).

I had a c section and although I think I’m healing well it’s only been the last week I’ve felt somewhat ‘recovered’.

My question is how long would you be happy to wait to meet a baby?

YABU - A month is too long
YANBU - When you feel ready

Yes, I agree with the middle ground comment op. I think it's time for middle ground.

Arrange for them to see baby, but try to make it as easy as possible. Is there someone who would come round for a couple of hours and take charge of making cups of tea and hand round biscuits for a kind of "drop-in"?

I agree I absolutely wouldn't let someone come stay over when I've just had a baby but I also wouldn't lock myself away for a month from family and friends who live five minutes away.

I think I'd have been very happy with that actually!

Also teams and the ease of sending videos and photos now make it a different proposition.

I had everybody round pretty much straight away but I found that part very exciting and I'd been looking forward to it. I know not everyone feels the same.

No, and I also think it's probably time op makes some kind of welcoming gesture.

Another possibility, op, is a quiet cafe near you? Say you will be there between x and x on y and y days? Then you are able to just leave when you need to.

It's a pity one of the eager relatives doesn't organise a baby meet at their house. Then you don't need to worry about tidying away your nursing bras and c-section pants and doing the hosting!

Did you have a gender reveal, a baby shower? With a gift list? Did these Aunts and Uncles buy from the list? I’m being a bit tongue in cheek but yeah I think it’s understandable if you’ve had two poorly ones but I think a month is a long time to expect close family to wait, especially if you expected these same people to celebrate your pregnancy with you during it.

Yes and I understand because we’re better educated on healthcare things (I, like you, took my 1st born into my factory workplace within a week) what really irks me now though is that everyone seems really happy to set boundaries. But, they expect everyone to celebrate the pregnancy (gender reveals, baby showers, gift lists etc) and of course those people look forward to seeing a newborn baby because they’re beautiful and then they’re held at arms length for weeks / months. A baby at 6 weeks doesn’t even look the same as it did as a newborn. I feel sorry for people that aren’t welcome to see the baby they’ve helped to celebrate the arrival of. I’m not saying OP did any of this but I’ve seen it a lot recently.

This!

I was desperate to introduce the best baby the world had ever seen and also to have some outside conversation!

My mum was at DD1s birth and partners mum met her the next morning. Mum also stayed with me for the first few days. Would've felt very neglected and isolated otherwise

I do think a month is too long.
Are you not popping out and about with baby? That would mean random people you meet would see the baby before its relatives. That seems very odd to me.

Everyone who is close enough to me that I would expect to see them on Christmas Day (just a rule of thumb for measuring closeness) had met DC in one way or another by 6 weeks old. Most of the people who were close enough to be on the list to be invited to our wedding (sevondary level of closeness) had met by 6 months old (except those who were very far away). I have photos of everyone I love holding tinybaby and I love to see those photos and share them with my family around DC birthday now they are enormous (approaching 6 foot) - I think you'll miss out on that joy if you don't try to facilitate meeting up with those who are really important to you, but for people who are more distant and not so emotionally involved in your lives, it's ok to wait longer.

I was eager for close friends and family to meet my little one. No one was obviously ill, but he still ended up with RSV, which I bitterly regret even though he was fine in the end.

If I have another I'll be getting a vaccine, but I still think I wouldn't be rushing visitors until baby is a bit more robust. It won't kill my family to wait a month or so

Whenever you feel ready as the mother. It’s not anybody else’s business and very personal. They’re not a doll to be passed around. I only had immediate family and close friends meet mine in the newborn stage, distance relative would have been told to leave or just “meet” from a distance, your baby hasn’t had any vaccinations yet and even a cold can be serious and lead to bronchiolitis in this age group.

Whenever you're ready OP.

Although, as a sister, I'd be a bit sad to have to wait over a month to meet my siblings child. I'd have thought siblings would take precedence over great-grandparents.

How long is a piece of string? If I felt someone was avoiding letting people meet their new baby I’d be wondering why (wouldn’t push them though). This isn’t what’s happened to you, it sounds like you’ve had a rough time; c section, sick baby, sick toddler etc. I’d definitely not be getting impatient or pushy.

I'd say is whenever you feel ready, keeping in mind that you've had a C-section and your recovering, and your baby's been sick and on antibiotics.
Within reason of course, new grandparents might be chomping at the bit after 3-4 months of waiting but, I'd say too bad. Unless of course they're coming and part of the visit is to help you, make your meals, give you more sleep time, run your errands, help take care of your household, (not just for you to host them and them to cuddle the baby) many hands make light work, after all, but it depends, people just coming for a visit to touch and breathe all over the baby when you're exhausted and the baby's been ill, I'd say no.