Meeting a baby

[KeenSnail]

I’m very curious to know how long people would expect to wait to meet a new baby?

My son is just coming up to a month old and has met his grandparents and great grandparents but is yet to meet any uncles, aunties or friends.

He has been poorly (had to have antibiotics) and I have 2 year old DS who was also unwell so making plans hasn’t been a priority.

Although I’m not deliberately avoiding social interaction I’m certainly not in a rush to organise things either.

In the first few weeks everyone was saying ‘no rush’ ‘let us know when you are ready’ but I have noticed a shift now that a few people have become quite insistent and yesterday even had a distant relative turn up (without invitation).

I had a c section and although I think I’m healing well it’s only been the last week I’ve felt somewhat ‘recovered’.

My question is how long would you be happy to wait to meet a baby?

YABU - A month is too long
YANBU - When you feel ready

All 3 have met close family and friends within a few weeks.

Tbh after a month I would stop asking and wait for the invitation.

I would expect to wait until mum felt ready.

I think all my dc met all their aunts and uncles within a few weeks of being born, even though some of them lived 200 miles away- they made it a point to drop in and say hello, even if only for a short visit. Local friends and family met the babies within a few days. The whole neighbourhood met DS3 on day 5 as I was doing the school run by then!
Obviously if someone was ill you wouldn’t want them breathing all over the baby, but otherwise it seems quite antisocial not to let people meet the baby, unless on doctors orders.

I find the rush to “meet” babies immediately after birth quite bizarre and a bit entitled tbh. Birth is traumatic, settling a baby into its new home is challenging. Everyone is sleep deprived, its new and unsettling. The last thing most new mothers want is a queue of well meaning people traipsing through their home with well meaning but off topic advice who need catering for.

The idea that relatives have some God-given right to charge into this fraught and fragile environment is very odd. People can bloody well wait until you’re ready. The baby isn’t going anywhere. Its not about their needs, its about you and your baby.

A month is fine in my book.

Whenever everyone involved feels like it. It’s not like the baby has a ‘view by’ date.

A few of my uncles haven't met my son and he's near 2yo! (Tbf they live abroad and clearly couldn't care less).

A month is a short time in the context of a whole childhood. And a baby is quite boring really at that age, they just feed and poo and sleep.

I don't think you're being unreasonable but all the same, I'd invite them over soon as it won't do anyone any harm to start getting into an up-and-out-of-the-house routine.

Pretty much straight away. Why wouldn't you its family and friends. I had no interest in locking myself away for months after having a baby. If we where American we would already be back at work by that time.

I was keen for everyone to meet my babies. With dd2 (homebirth) I popped down to see my pregnancy yoga class the evening after she was born at 2am. With dd1 the whole family went to France for the day for my mum's birthday when dd1 was 1 month old. For me it would've been really weird to lock ourselves away for a month. But each to their own.

Because not everyone’s family and friends are on the doorstep and can nip in for a quick cuddle. When we had DS we were newly living in a tiny one-bed central London flat, and all of both our families lived overseas — our parents didn’t know London and weren’t confident on public transport or in big cities, so would have needed to be found a hotel, collected from the airport, escorted to and from their hotel and looked after for the entire duration of their visit, and I had an infected CS scar and no milk supply.

Lots of people aren’t physically or mentally up to receiving visitors shortly after birth.
Often family don’t live locally so a journey to see a new baby is a bit of a mission and the family will want to spend decent time with the baby when they get there.
Not everyone loves or even knows everyone in their extended family.
People are busy with their own kids and jobs.
People often have very limited space for visitors.

I was living in a one bedroom flat in London when I had DD. My parents and sister did visit within a week of the birth but tbh I wouldn’t have wanted cousins and Uncle Tom Cobley and all tipping up to inspect the baby.

It’s exhausting and heaps additional stress on at an already stressful time.

You haven't had a c-section.

I think that it depends on the kind of visit. If your friends and family are nearby and literally want to stop by, say hello and congratulations, give you a present and be on their way then you are probably being a little OTT by keeping them away.

If the friends and family are further away and the visit will need more logistical planning and require them to stay for longer than it takes to drink a cuppa then it's more understandable.

At the end of the day, the people that are wanting to come and see you and your baby care about you (and presumably you care about them) so just have a conversation with them and find a middle ground.

My daughter is now overdue with my first grandchild, my initial gut reaction is I could manage to wait about 10 seconds, but I will of course play it by ear and leave it up to them as to whether it’s in the hospital or when they get home!
I think with other local family I’d hope they would get to visit in the first week, but ultimately it’s up to the new parents. A month seems an awfully long time for aunts and uncles.

My parents were on the ward following my emergency c section within 4 hours. Siblings of both sides visited us at home within a week.we did the same when nephews and nieces were born.

A month seems an age. They've missed out on the newborn stage.

But where not talking about extended family where talking about parents and siblings. Obviously a random cousin who you haven't seen for 10 years and lives in Australia is not the same as your own mum and sister.

This! All depends and also depends on everyone's set up. My MIL lived 5 minutes away and was annoyed she didnt get to meet our first until he was two days old. She'd moved two hours away for the second couldnt be arsed to come back so didnt meet him until 5 weeks later when she happened to be local. So basically people being grumpy / insistent is all situational, too. They'll get over it.

She says they have met grandparents and great grandparents. It's just uncles and cousins etc.

Our baby was born in early January this year. I am a very anxious person anyway but the danger of winter bugs being brought into the house and our newborn potentially being exposed to them was extremely worrying for me. Her grandparents came to meet her the day after she was born and one of my sisters when she was a week old. We kept everyone else at arms length but they totally understood as they know what I'm like so nobody was offended! My other sister, who lives abroad, would have liked to come over for the birth but I explained I'd rather she waited a month, which she completely understood too. She came over just as my husband was finishing paternity leave and stayed for a while which was a great help and we both agreed far more useful than if she had been there at the beginning! We didn't start to introduce her to other family and friends until after her 8 week jabs. I know that seems a long time but we did keep everyone updated with photos and videos in the meantime! Thank god, our baby has been very healthy. A couple of minor sniffles, while my husband and I were nearly prostrated with the flu, but other than that, nothing! I don't know if my reticence to expose her to too many people too early is to thank for that or whether she is just made of stern stuff! We now see people all the time and attend endless baby groups so she's surely been exposed to plenty of germs by now and is still, mercifully, as fit as a fiddle!

In our case, apart from the grannies, none of our baby introductions was in our home. I don't like entertaining at home anyway apart from close family so we used to meet in cafes, or at church in the case of those we know from there. Our son was merrily passed round the old ladies when he was 4 days old while I got a tea, loved it haha

I assume she meant the babies aunties and uncles which would be op sibling

I feel like it's a recent trend to isolate following the birth of a baby.

My baby was born without any health issues (nearly a decade ago) so I took her to my work place and she was passed around loads. Honestly, it was a nice experience!

I think this might be quite unusual nowadays. People tend to be more anxious about everything now.

Sure. But many people live a long way even from parents and siblings.

If you live in Edinburgh, say, and your parents are in Southampton, its a 24 hour round trip. It requires either for you to host people overnight or for them to stay in a hotel.

This all works fine if your family live locally. But not so much if not.

But op hasn't stated whether this is the case or not. Obviously if someone is wanting to come stay thats completely different but a lot of people also live close to family and friends so locking yourself in your home for a month in these circumstances is bizare

It can feel really hard to make time for these things in the intense time surrounding a new baby. I remember some business colleague had sent a gift (for me, not the baby) and DH kept asking if I had written the thank you card and I knew I was being useless but somehow days kept going by and there never seemed to be the right moment ... In the end I think he just did it!

So I am not unsympathetic.

But a month is a while and I think if people start getting frustrated you will make it a bigger issue than it needs to be. People turning up uninvited is the worst!

I think therefore I would probably send a group message to say you are sorry but things have been tricky with illness, and you are still quite worn down but conscious they want to see baby so make some times that suit on your terms. Let it be known you are doing it because its been a while not because you are fully ready so hopefully they realise they aren't expected to stay for supper, as it were!

With luck a couple might realise you are feeling pressured and just back off, and the others you get off your back.

To be honest I think if you live far away but are determined to see the baby in early days it's kind of tough titties that you might need to sort accommodation.

It's not a time you can reasonably expect to be hosted - especially as baby has been poorly.

Some babies are in hospital for months after birth and can't be generally visited.