To think this is weird? Husband, his family and money.

[Aurielle]

my husband is great as his job - I’m so proud of him. He has had many promotions and obviously gets financially compensated for his hard work.

my husbands family - parents, aunts and uncles and siblings all ask about how much he’s getting, what his bonus is like, what our net worth is. My parents and family would never ask me such a thing.

sadly, some of the family are financially struggling too. I really hate to think they are asking how much he’s earning/what his worth is because they want money…

All the posters whining about it not being “British” to talk about money and complaining about “our” culture being taken over - the OP has not stated where they live or their cultural background. Nor is secrecy around money universal across all of British society.

I agree with @BarbarasRhabarberba secrecy around money does help to perpetuate inequality. Its not easy either to find out the going rate for a job in your locale without talking about money or knowing something to start with and of course there are plenty of unspoken signifiers to ensure the non-u plebs are recognisable.

Whining?? Hmmmmmm 🙄

Yes. Whining.

I agree that money is spoken about more often in demographics that are well known for living in poverty or on the breadline, with good reason as they no doubt rely on each other more regularly than most. For everyone else, nope I have never seen this, ever. It’s very much a private matter. Even amongst extremely close friends and family members.

I agree with you on this- im not keen on that level of intrusion and it tends to create problems /jealousy/expectations

Even my own parents have no idea how much we have, assets or savings. Nor do we know their financial position. I can not name a single close friend’s financial position either. It’s none of my business.

So you initially implied your husband makes a lot of money but your struggling to get on the property ladder so im not following here. Maybe thats why they're asking if your all up in mumsnet implying your rich and his family are after all his money... but at the same time can't afford a home deposit?

I do agree it's no one elses business but you are making contrasting statements so I can see why they would be curious

Nothing to do with you. He was raised by / with them. During his whole life before you came along, maybe finances were an openly discussed topic in their household?! I'm sure if he feels if anything is inappropriate then he will tell them that. Wind your neck in and worry about your own personal finances. Sounds like you're a bit possessive and greedy to me! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Totally agree with this. I found out my peers at work all got 5K more bonus than me, despite my stellar rating/performance review. Which was better than some of theirs.

Another time I found out I was paid £20K less than someone doing the same role, despite being more qualified and having better performance reviews. When I got offered a new job, they offered to match the salary, but it was too little too late for me by then.

My current company actively discourages us from discussing pay/bonuses, because they don’t want people to know about inequities and justifiably challenge them.

I would be refusing to engage with this, it’s none of their business.

sorry - I am just reading through all the replies now!

we and his family are British.

to clear up confusion re why we aren’t on the housing ladder yet - his career took off around 3 years ago. We aren’t in the U.K. at the moment, but plan on buying a place once we move home. I also contribute to our savings pot and general living expenses.

we have paid for meals out, holidays, paid off loans for them (I doubt we will ever get the money back for that). I don’t mind us helping people out but EVERY conversation comes back to money with them. I just find it strange and a bit grabby.

Of course it’s to do with me! I’m his wife, we share everything. There have been times where I have contributed more. I am not greedy at all, I am just wary about their intentions.

In my opinion people are getting far too invested and opinionated in other ppls lives nowadays. Its no one else's business what anyone earns or doesn't earn. And as it being a British thing and other cultures don't mind sharing every financial aspect of their lives so if other cultures jumped off a railway bridge should we just blindly follow suit and do the same? Next thing people will be wanting to know your bowel movements its nosey and intrusive and if anyone ever asked me about my finances I would tell them in no uncertain terms to mind their own.

If they ask, all you need say is he earns enough to keep his family, and we are thankful for that, but are trying hard to save for a house/flat. No need to mention figures at all.

We don't talk about money here in Southern Mexico either. The othere extreme is a family I met in Los Angeles told you what everything they possessed had cost and what all their friends earned, as if that was their intrinsic value

My dp’s family are very open about money. I’m kind of used to it now-but it’s taken me 30 years!

Someone wise once told me there’s no such thing as a question without motivation and once that sinks in, you can’t unsee it. You’re right to be on your guard. I wonder if he has a track record, perhaps pre marriage of being their go to for other things? Protect your little bubble. People will make wild assumptions about how comfortable you are, based on whatever little knowledge they have. I’d plead poverty before I’d give them even the slightest inclination of your actual circumstances. Take it from someone who’s been there.

I think it’s grabby too - it’s not you

Reply "Why you so curious? Why?"

Personally I think you're right to feel that something is off here. I feel it's okay to help out now and again but your husband (and you) could well end up being the 'cash cow' with a kind of an expectation of a bail out, and then resentment when your reponse becomes a NO.

Do you feel entitled to your DH’s money OP? If you do, then perhaps his family also feel entitled.

But I agree, it’s not the English Way.

I was brought up by my father to never talk about money. It is common and no ones business but your own. I certainly would not be having that conversation with anyone. Asking about money shows they have very bad manners.

This 👏👏

It's very cultural. My OH is from a country where people are much more open about such things, and thinks nothing of it. I always shy away from it. Recently my sister told our mum I was a [insert whatever level of wealth you are thinking of here] and I didn't even like that. I've not specifically talked to her about money, so she must have worked it out from bits and pieces.

Thanks all. I wouldn’t mind as much if it was a cultural thing but they are British and like most people here pointed out, British people are generally brought up not to ask about money and personal finances! I just find it extremely nosey, I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone how much they earn and what their investments are.

Recently found out his aunt of his was crying poverty to my husband. Mind you, she goes on at least two holidays a year, has a spare room full of random online shopping packages and does her weekly food shopping in M&S or Waitrose only. No judgment on my side but I just get the feeling she’s pretending to be less well off than she is to get money off him (after he’s given out loans that will never be paid back!). It’s a very strange dynamic.