To think this is weird? Husband, his family and money.

[Aurielle]

my husband is great as his job - I’m so proud of him. He has had many promotions and obviously gets financially compensated for his hard work.

my husbands family - parents, aunts and uncles and siblings all ask about how much he’s getting, what his bonus is like, what our net worth is. My parents and family would never ask me such a thing.

sadly, some of the family are financially struggling too. I really hate to think they are asking how much he’s earning/what his worth is because they want money…

But that’s the thing. We won’t ask what someone earns but we’ll be calculating it with pretty good accuracy all the same. The. British are also very good at subtly indicating they are high earners/inherited wealth without saying a word.

Most people have wealth beyond their pay packet and salary slip. So yes you can guess if you care enough about what someone might earn but it’s hardly going to give an accurate view of their financial position, as there are so many other factors.

I’d be shocked and repelled if someone I didn’t live with told me what they earned

Gosh what an extreme reaction! In lots of jobs, especially public sector jobs, the pay bands are well known and job titles often give away what band you are.

Pay secrecy keeps poorer people in the dark about what jobs are out there and what they pay.

Most people have wealth beyond their pay packet and salary slip

They really don't! Very few ordinary employed people have income beyond their salary.

“Most people have wealth beyond their pay packet”

Do they? That’s quite a statement to make.

my husbands family - parents, aunts and uncles and siblings all ask about how much he’s getting, what his bonus is like, what our net worth is. My parents and family would never ask me such a thing.

Do they discuss their own finances? If not, he should refuse to answer.

Sick of Brits being told we "have" to adapt to everyone else's culture! It's like when we get told "ohh Brits never say what they mean, not like perfect us in insert country " - all being said by someone who's chosen to move to the UK!

OP, when I was a child, my dad's family "back home" would do this. Constantly call the house phone (pre-mobiles) and beg for money. "oh you live in London, you're doing OK!" They had no idea how hard my parents had to work to get accepted in the UK and finally find jobs which paid OK.

My partner's mother also used to do this. As soon as he got a job which paid well, after he moved to London to be with me, the hand was held out constantly. It caused huge arguments. People are totally shameless.

No one can tell you what to do, as it is literally up to you. Would they need the money so desperately if you weren't earning so much? My guess is not. Funny how these people all seem to manage just fine until they find out a family member is doing well!

It depends on their age

Working people as they age accumulate assets. Those on benefits or at the very low end of the spectrum in employment do not. We are talking about a working family here. Houses gain equity, cars hold value, inheritances, bonuses and family wealth all have a bearing. My point is you can’t speculate someone’s overall financial position unless you know everything about them.

None of their business.
Save for your house and buy far away from them.

But it also depends on why people want to know? Why would someone really want to know someone else’s salary/savings/bonus situation unless they wanted to weigh up whether to ask for a loan, or whether to pal up with you because having lots of money makes you ‘worthy’ to them? It’s just rude and not something other people need to know. Your dh just needs to be firm and say ‘please don’t ask me about my salary or money situation as you don’t need to know, and I won’t be discussing with you’.

I hope he’s wary! I have known three couples where the man’s relations looked on him as a free cash machine. The men were from different cultures where it was thought a duty of anyone better off, to spread it around, but it ended up with a lot of entitlement/taking the piss, and caused a lot of bad feeling.

Why?

Why is it someone else's business?

He needs to learn to say, "none of your business! I don't ask you what you earn?!"

I grew up in the UK (although of foreign ancestry) and agree with you, the secrecy around money here is so silly. My friends and I are very open about it and wouldn’t think twice about asking each other what we earn. Maybe his family are the same?

This should be perfect. If they insist u or he rather simply says I’m not discussing it, is it private and we struggle too for things we are trying to do, which is why every penny counts for us. Let them know ur not a bank. Cf’s.

Because not talking about it actually has negative effects. It keeps people
underpaid if they don’t know market rates, ensures they don’t have the skills to negotiate because of the insistence talking about money is taboo, and perpetuates inequality when people feel they can’t talk about and question the financial status quo.

For me it's like those people who ascertain you are free before they ask for a favour so they remove your ability to have an excuse:

"I don't suppose you're free on Thursday?"
"Oh yes I am actually"
"Great, would you mind babysitting my dog?"
"Sorry I can't"
"But you've already told me you're free...."

If I thought someone was asking my salary to genuinely help them negotiate a better deal, then fine. But most of the examples here are just either nosey, or working out whether when someone says they can't afford to do something judging whether that is legitimate or not.

Nope i think its weird.

I have aunties & uncles who know exactly what my cousins make, and the cousins all know what there brothers/sisters make. All grown up now and living out of family home with kids of their own. I think its weird and not something me and OH do with parents siblings.

1000% agree with this, people are asking to be nosey, and to probably see what they can get out of it.

and also lets be honest they probably want to have a bit of bitch about you behind your back too.

"The going rate" tinkly laugh.
It sounds as though you and your dp are at the age and stage where you neednto invest in your own futures.

Yes there’s lots of information out there about salary rates. So nobody needs to state what they earn. The only person I knew who actually did this was my first husband, and at first it was shocking and exciting, and then it was embarrassing. I’m differentiating here between someone having a specific financial conversation where it is useful information, and social conversation. If I were in a social conversation with someone who was saying that they are ‘over 150 thou’ or whatever I’d just think they were a dick, who cares about your wad matey?

Grey area in people complaining about the tax cliff at six figures or other political issues.

Well sure, context matters. Someone randomly bringing up that they’re on a huge salary is just a bragging twat. But me and many of my friends are freelance, and when we talk about work we will often ask what rate a certain job paid or share what we got for it, as it is helpful for us when it comes to seeking out higher paid work or pricing future jobs. These conversations also happen outside of my immediate friendship group e.g networking events, or on LinkedIn. But even if some random asked me what I earned where it didn’t seem entirely relevant I’d tell them. It’s just another topic of conversation. That said, nobody is marching into a room and declaring apropos of nothing that they’re “on 150 thou”.

Simple answer.
Enough to live and pay our bills

I disagree. People can and should find out the going rate for their role; most of us have the gumption to do that.

I think we do need to get better and more comfortable about asking for a salary review, but I don’t need to know everyone else’s business to do that.