An inheritance one

[Spicyspice]

Did you/will you inherit from your grandparents? Or did everything go to your parents?

Was having a conversation with someone who feels hard done by, I’ll call him Tom. Toms grandparents have left Toms parents a big inheritance. Tom feels that his parents should have shared it with him as his parents are already wealthy.

It’s not really something I’d ever thought about as neither my parents or grandparents have any money/assets but does Tom have a point?

Tom - yanbu
Tom - yabu

Tom is an adult with parents, his grandparents don't have any moral financial obligations to him (except to treat Tom equally to other grand children).

Tom should manage his boundaries better and direct his parents to other tradesmen.

Is he the only child?

I bet Tom is an only child.

I think the scenario you have described it entirely the norm, although think grandparents do sometimes that perhaps grand kids get £5k each out of the total estate.

Up to the parents if they decide to pass on any of the wealth to Tom.

Some deliberately do it to bypass any chance of a SIL/DIL (or ex SIL/DIL) getting their hands on any of it if the marriage breaks up.

Then again, there's nothing stopping their grandchildren eventually getting divorced acrimoniously and their ex-spouses getting the money.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService

Wow!!

In my family, inheritance goes to the children of the deceased, in equal amounts. It’s then up to them what they do with it and whether they give any to their children.

It is a tricky one and one which I (as an only child) am currently trying to figure out with my parents.

DH has lost both parents and was fortunate enough to inherit half of a house in South London - inheritance which has paid off our mortgage and given us savings for the future.

and it is tricky because we all want the anything left (after care needs) to go to my two children for house buying (and DH agrees as well) they are both teenagers so it is potentially too much and I think we would prefer some checks as to what they do with it in place.

its deciding whether it is best just to leave it to me and work out how to give it to them (and any costs involved) or do trusts for them. We think overall probably the former as it is easiest!

which means even though they do want it to go to grandchildren it probably still will go to me to sort out

I'm curious what you mean by 'my family'. How wide are your talking? Has there been discussion among siblings of the same family that they will all write similar Wills?
I can't imagine having that sort of very personal discussion with my siblings.

Or am I just reading it the wrong way and that you mean your own parents divide equally among their children?

It sounds like you're talking about an established pattern.

I'm not the poster you quoted but that is exactly what happens in my family, all to surviving spouse, then on that death everything divided equally between the children, nothing to grandchildren or anyone else.

When I talk about family I mean that's what's happened with 3 generations so far that I know about, will happen with my surviving parent and is in my and my siblings' wills.
I can't imagine not having that sort of discussion with siblings, not in a formal way but over the decades it's come up in conversation. When our children were young we talked about our wills especially in the context of who would look after our children if we were both to die, surely that's what sensible people do. Our parents were open about what was in their wills, as were their parents to them.

My grandma left all her inheritance to me (and my children). Her two daughters (my Mum and Aunt) didn't have a relationship with her for years and I was very close to my grandma. My Aunt has now stopped speaking to me because I didn't give half of it to her and my cousin!! Family can turn very nasty when money is involved unfortunately, I've had to learn this the hard way. But at the end of the day, all I'm doing is following my Grandma's wishes!!

My Nan left her estate to my Mum and her brother. Myself and my two cousins didn't inherit anything, and to be honest we didn't expect too. I think my parents may have left my son something in their Will but the bulk of their estate will come to me, as their only child.

When our children were young we talked about our wills especially in the context of who would look after our children if we were both to die, surely that's what sensible people do.

I have discussed who would look after my children (person and that they would have the financial means to do so), but nothing beyond that.
I don't know why it would be sensible to discuss how my estate will be distributed with my siblings, not if they are not involved in the care of dependent children.

My mum's parents were both deceased before I was born.

Dad's mum had nothing to leave.

Dad's dad died after my dad died. He left around £7k each to my 2 uncles and dads share was passed to and split for we 4 surviving children.

Depends how old everyone is. If the children are 30 and the grandchildren toddlers, I’d leave to the children. However if the children are 50plus, and the grandkids 18plus it makes sense to skip or share between generations. You need money when your young, not so much when you're older. And makes more sense IHT wise to skip a generation if the children are already okay financially.
You also mitigate against a spouse remarrying and leaving everything to a new wife/husband and possibly then to step children/donkeys home!

From a tax efficiency perspective skipping a generation can protect the original capital much more effectively, if an estate is subject to IHT, because there are likely to be 50 or 60 years between taxable events than 25 or 30

Grandparents money went to my parents. They gave us £1000 each (in 1991)

My parents left everything to my son
only grandchild
he inherited the house life insurance policies and cash age 27

I did get my parents expensive watches jewelry and several handbags 2 cars a full size jukebox 😂

They did discuss this with me and it didn’t bother me as it’s set my son up for life and he would have had no way of ever buying a house and they absolutely adored him and weee very involved in him life growing up and thr last few year he actually lived with them and helped them a lot with there care needs

he’s also in line to inherit from his dad grandparents which will be a similar amount if not more but this has caused a few arguments from his aunt but his grandparents are adamant that they want him to inherit

I was left a sizeable inheritance by 1 side of grandparents , the other left to their children . My grandparents spoke to my dad ( only child ) re ‘ bypassing him and leaving straight to us , she was fine with it as they already morrsgeb free etc but
its absolutely the person right to leave their money as they choose , Tom is being grabby!

Me neither.
If Tom feels so strongly about this then he'll have no problem with his parents leaving their dosh to his, as yet unborn kids, then, will he?

I know my Mum (after inheriting from my DF) is living a house-deposit sized gift to each GC in her will, but my siblings and I will be the main beneficiaries.... unless it all gets swallowed up by care-home fees......

If you use a reputable solicitor to write your will there is usually a clause specifically including any children who will be born to your children after the will has been signed. It saves having to update it every time a grandchild is born.

Sorry , can’t edit for spelling mistakes , but hopefully you get the jist !

It’s very easy to say that when you are the beneficiary. I don’t know your situation but I have known many situations where the deceased uses the will to manipulate or punish, or they are manipulated themselves. Personally if I was left money by a direct ancestor (parent or grandparent) and my sibling or cousins were disinherited, I would share it to prevent bitterness and discord in the family, unless there was an extremely good reason not to.

I think essentially that it is unjust to disinherit your direct descendants. Aunts/uncles etc I think there’s less moral obligation, but you still have to be mindful of your legacy being the complete destruction of relationships.

My granddad died quite a few years ago without making a will . He lived in a sheltered accommodation council flat . He had 3 children , my mum and her two brothers .
When he died I know my mum didn't receive any inheritance and I assume she thought that their wasn't anything to inherit .
Both her brothers lived close to him and they emptied the flat out .
Years later and I'm into tracing my family tree on Ancestry and probate records show he left £125,000 .
I'm sure her two brothers left my mum out of it so they could have 50 /50 .
£125,000 back then ( at least 20/25 years ago ) was quite a bit.
All 3 siblings are now dead so my mum never knew and I can't help but feel a little sorry for her that they obviously did her over it .

Personally I don't think he is greedy. My husband and I are quite well off so when our mother's die, we will pass it straight on to our kids who actually need/can use it more.

i got a couple of hundred from one grandfather, nothing from any other grandparents.

My parents have said their will splits everything equally between me and my brother, and that my brother having a kid didn't change this. I don't know if they will leave a token something to their grandson or not, but certainly the majority of the estate will go to their children and we can decide what to do with it from there.

I would feel sorry for Tom if the parents were minted and he was struggling.

As with all of these things though there is always a back story.

Maybe the parents are nasty tightwads. Or maybe Tom has a 100K per year drinking and gambling habit and has crashed a few Porsches in the past.

But it would be unusual IME for parents who were really rich to be happy to watch their children struggle unless they have either some sort of unpleasant superiority complex or a strong motivation as to why giving their child a lot of money would be a bad idea.