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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I of left him

38 replies

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:23

So after leaving an abusive relationship I recently met someone new. He was my type to a T on paper, we clicked immediately and honestly it felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe how well it was going! He started with strange little controlling things like getting a bit moody if I fell asleep without saying good night or the time I said me and my friend were getting a take away but decided to nip out instead. I put these down to maybe past traumas so thought ok il work with him and just be a bit more on the ball. But within a few weeks he started going from this silly funny happy person to making nasty comments, any banter we would usually have would turn to him accusing me of winding him up, he kept saying I was talking over him and not letting him finish sentences (I didn’t, he just would pause so I’d think it was over) accuse me of not remembering things he has told me, tell me I’m asking annoying questions and irritating him. I felt like this put downs were increasing loads. We had planned to go to York Christmas markets on Saturday and my car was broken. Despite him having a car too I hired a car and drove over a hour to pick him up, he told me not to mention my broken car when I got there as he couldn’t be arsed hearing about it all weekend?! from the moment he got in the car he looked moody and said he was tired.made multiple nasty comments on the way there then my exs child mother tried to call me, I offered to answer it to prove I didn’t know why she was calling but he said no, then when we arrived he demanded I call her back infront of him so I did to prove it was nothing (she was asking was he back in my town with me as he had gone missing.. I said no I have a new man and I’m very happy) and said to him see.. I would never hurt u? He responded with “cool you called her back leave it at that” walking around he was so cold and ignoring me and made multiple sly remarks, I bought us both a drink and the worse came when I put my cup in the corner of a shop doorway as there was no bins and was being knocked all over me, he called me disgusting and scruffy for literally. At which point I said should we just leave and he said in a horrible manner “yes!” So I said Yano what.. get the train home I’m not dealing with this anymore and walked away. He messaged me calling me a scumbag for leaving him, a rat, a piece of shir n lowest of the low. I just want everyone’s opinions was I that bad for leaving him? Should I of taken him home first? I just couldn’t deal with that atmosphere any longer

OP posts:
B1anche · 17/11/2025 21:27

He sounds awful. You did the right thing. Now block him and don't look back.

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:28

B1anche · 17/11/2025 21:27

He sounds awful. You did the right thing. Now block him and don't look back.

Oh I have! But it’s just playing on my mind if maybe I went too far.

OP posts:
LoveItaly · 17/11/2025 21:30

I can’t believe what I have just read. You really need to have some sort of therapy before you start any new relationship (really hope this one is over), you clearly need help in raising your self esteem and understanding what a healthy relationship looks like. I say this kindly, as no one should put up with being treated like this by anyone.

B1anche · 17/11/2025 21:32

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:28

Oh I have! But it’s just playing on my mind if maybe I went too far.

You didn't go too far. You did the right thing ❤️

Ilovehighlandcows · 17/11/2025 21:32

He treated you appallingly, well done for leaving him there!

ShamrockShenanigans · 17/11/2025 21:33

I just want everyone’s opinions was I that bad for leaving him?

If this is really true, I don't think you should be dating anyone.

You should know without any shadow of a doubt that what you did was perfectly acceptable.

What isn't acceptable in any way at all, is the way you've allowed him to treat you.

ClarityJam · 17/11/2025 21:33

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:28

Oh I have! But it’s just playing on my mind if maybe I went too far.

You did exactly the right thing. He’s learned the consequences of his poor choices.

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 17/11/2025 21:34

Dearie me. The only lowest of the low scumbag, rat and piece of shit here is him.

He is abusive.
You absolutely did the right thing leaving him there.

Block him from everything.

Snipples · 17/11/2025 21:35

Completely did the right thing. What a nasty wee fucker he is. Serves him right. Do not go back to him. He won’t change. Good on you for standing your ground and telling him to get lost. He’s only got himself to blame.

MrTumblesSpottyBoxers · 17/11/2025 21:36

He sounds like an absolute twat.

ClarityJam · 17/11/2025 21:37

I hope you’ve blocked him on everything now.

Arlanymor · 17/11/2025 21:37

You did the right thing, but please give yourself more time before considering another relationship - because most people wouldn't be questioning if they had gone too far after the appalling behaviour he exhibited. The fact that you are would suggest that you still don't have an objective view about what constitutes abusive behaviour. Even those 'little controlling things' are unacceptable.

I didn't understand what you were saying about the coffee cup, you lost me there. Although I hope you didn't leave your litter lying around in a shop because you couldn't find a bin. Take it home with you.

FOJN · 17/11/2025 21:38

You did the right thing.

You need to work on your boundaries and self esteem before contemplating another relationship so you will have the confidence to walk at the sight if the first red flag rather than waiting for them to be waving a fist full of them.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 17/11/2025 21:41

He’s an absolute piece crap, OP. You poor thing. He’s treated you so awfully - don’t think for a second this is down to anything you did. He’s a sulky, immature, bullying pathetic excuse’s of a man.

AngelicKaty · 17/11/2025 21:43

@Daisymay1000 YANBU and you did not got too far - in fact, it seems to me that the only thing you did right in the relationship was to leave him in York to catch the train home. Why on earth did you hire a car because yours was out of action when he has a car? What the heck was that about? Why didn't he drive and pick you up?
He's a nasty, abusive, controlling arsehole and it's good to know you've already binned and blocked him. Good riddance to bad rubbish OP - you've had a lucky escape.

Petitchat · 17/11/2025 21:46

YABU
to even BE with this excuse of a human being!
Stay well away, fgs x

ChattyGeePeaTea · 17/11/2025 21:48

I think you posted before about his reaction to you and your friend deciding to go out for something to eat instead of getting takeaway didn't you? And the consensus was that he was a controlling twat. You did exactly the right thing taking yourself home and leaving him to it. He's a grown man and can get a train by himself. He fucked around, he found out. Good for you.

Praying4Peace · 17/11/2025 21:50

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:28

Oh I have! But it’s just playing on my mind if maybe I went too far.

You didn't.
He was gadlighting you.
You are done with him

Pollqueen · 17/11/2025 21:52

Well done you 🤗. I can't believe he was so vile after you went to all that trouble after your car broke down. A decent man would have sympathised and come and picked you up. Not let you go to the expense and trouble of hiring a car and then be so downright nasty

I hope he's learned a lesson from this, but I doubt it. You though should hold your head high as no one should treat you like that and you have shown your worth. Now just block the nasty prick

WellYouWereMythTaken · 17/11/2025 21:55

You did the right thing without a doubt. Never, ever speak to him again or have anything else to do with him. In the nicest possible way, have you considered therapy of some kind to help you not only come to terms with what has happened to you previously but also to trust yourself more, and address your self esteem issues? I say this as someone who has been in an abusive longterm relationship too. I needed help to recognise the issues I had or I’d have never had a healthy relationship with anyone.

Ohnobackagain · 17/11/2025 22:00

The only unreasonable thing is how long you took to ditch him @Daisymay1000 he sounds awful!

Thepeopleversuswork · 17/11/2025 22:03

Let the trash take itself out. Never contact him again or accept contact from him.

And get counselling to try to understand why you think you deserve this sort of pond life.

themerchentofvenus · 17/11/2025 22:14

@Daisymay1000 you did 100% the right thing.

Controlling behaviour with elements of gaslighting appearing.

Well done for spotting the signs and walking away.

I'm going to question your "type" here. It is often the case when someone has been in an abusive relationship they are far more likely to end up in another one. So maybe your type isn't what you think it is?

TheCheekySloth · 17/11/2025 22:33

You done the best thing op i would have done the same.
Block him stay single.

Endofyear · 17/11/2025 22:33

He's an arsehole OP, please don't ever see him again!