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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I of left him

38 replies

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:23

So after leaving an abusive relationship I recently met someone new. He was my type to a T on paper, we clicked immediately and honestly it felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe how well it was going! He started with strange little controlling things like getting a bit moody if I fell asleep without saying good night or the time I said me and my friend were getting a take away but decided to nip out instead. I put these down to maybe past traumas so thought ok il work with him and just be a bit more on the ball. But within a few weeks he started going from this silly funny happy person to making nasty comments, any banter we would usually have would turn to him accusing me of winding him up, he kept saying I was talking over him and not letting him finish sentences (I didn’t, he just would pause so I’d think it was over) accuse me of not remembering things he has told me, tell me I’m asking annoying questions and irritating him. I felt like this put downs were increasing loads. We had planned to go to York Christmas markets on Saturday and my car was broken. Despite him having a car too I hired a car and drove over a hour to pick him up, he told me not to mention my broken car when I got there as he couldn’t be arsed hearing about it all weekend?! from the moment he got in the car he looked moody and said he was tired.made multiple nasty comments on the way there then my exs child mother tried to call me, I offered to answer it to prove I didn’t know why she was calling but he said no, then when we arrived he demanded I call her back infront of him so I did to prove it was nothing (she was asking was he back in my town with me as he had gone missing.. I said no I have a new man and I’m very happy) and said to him see.. I would never hurt u? He responded with “cool you called her back leave it at that” walking around he was so cold and ignoring me and made multiple sly remarks, I bought us both a drink and the worse came when I put my cup in the corner of a shop doorway as there was no bins and was being knocked all over me, he called me disgusting and scruffy for literally. At which point I said should we just leave and he said in a horrible manner “yes!” So I said Yano what.. get the train home I’m not dealing with this anymore and walked away. He messaged me calling me a scumbag for leaving him, a rat, a piece of shir n lowest of the low. I just want everyone’s opinions was I that bad for leaving him? Should I of taken him home first? I just couldn’t deal with that atmosphere any longer

OP posts:
Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 22:56

ChattyGeePeaTea · 17/11/2025 21:48

I think you posted before about his reaction to you and your friend deciding to go out for something to eat instead of getting takeaway didn't you? And the consensus was that he was a controlling twat. You did exactly the right thing taking yourself home and leaving him to it. He's a grown man and can get a train by himself. He fucked around, he found out. Good for you.

No Iv never posted about this before. I was only dating him a month x

OP posts:
Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 22:59

I appreciate all the responses. I just want to be clear I do have self esteem now since my abusive relationship.. that’s why I walked away and left him in York. We have only been dating a month and in the beginning he was absolutely amazing, but the last 2 weeks Iv noticed red flags and the nasty comments started so York was sort of the last straw for me and I walked away and left him. I’m just a nice person so half of me thinks should I have done that or should I of taken him back then ended things. I’m glad you agree I wasn’t wrong though. X

OP posts:
SmockAndBeret · 17/11/2025 23:02

You did exactly the right thing.
He’s shown his true colours now. Just be grateful it didn’t take long so you got free before things got more serious and complicated.

Stay strong and don’t engage with him any further.

PashaMinaMio · 17/11/2025 23:03

You did the right thing.
He was acting like a Neanderthal with the IQ of a Geranium.
Vile dead-beat excuse of a man.
Up your game. Behave with dignity. Don’t let him back into your life.

RescueMeFromThisSilliness · 17/11/2025 23:06

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:28

Oh I have! But it’s just playing on my mind if maybe I went too far.

No you didn't. He did. The arsehole deserved it.

Take this as a lesson learned. Next time anyone does or says anything that crosses any of your boundaries, dump them immediately. Life is too short to put up with shit from people.

CosySeason · 17/11/2025 23:07

I am SO glad you left him there! Block him.

Jeska7 · 17/11/2025 23:17

Hopefully you’ve truly got rid of him. That’s pretty quick to turn from the nicest guy ever to so absolutely horrible. So glad you left him there. It was the right thing to do.

Daisymay1000 · 18/11/2025 17:50

Jeska7 · 17/11/2025 23:17

Hopefully you’ve truly got rid of him. That’s pretty quick to turn from the nicest guy ever to so absolutely horrible. So glad you left him there. It was the right thing to do.

Yeahh for sure I have. I won’t put up with that. He was so sweet but I could see that nasty side creeping through and it triggered me a lot. I just don’t know wether leaving him there was right I’m glad people agree it was though x

OP posts:
AgnesX · 18/11/2025 17:54

Daisymay1000 · 17/11/2025 21:28

Oh I have! But it’s just playing on my mind if maybe I went too far.

Not a bit. If anything you should have done it sooner.

Well done for not putting up with his crap.

CryptoFascist · 18/11/2025 17:57

Yes you did the right thing leaving him.
Now please go seek out the Freedom Programme, you can do the online version. You deserve to be with someone who is nice and kind to you always, not just the first 2 weeks.

AngelicKaty · 18/11/2025 18:05

Daisymay1000 · 18/11/2025 17:50

Yeahh for sure I have. I won’t put up with that. He was so sweet but I could see that nasty side creeping through and it triggered me a lot. I just don’t know wether leaving him there was right I’m glad people agree it was though x

You do know it was the right thing to do OP - that's why you did it. Your sub-concious brain was already imagining the return journey - you going out of your way to take him home in a car you'd hired for his convenience (I still can't get over this part) and him being every bit as vile to you on the way home as he was on the journey to York and walking around there. Remember how he spoke to you - how he treated you. He is not "sweet" OP - that was an act - the real him is the nasty, foul-mouthed, controlling bastard that he revealed himself to be in a few short hours. Please forget all about him. He's not worth your energy or headspace. You are worth a lot more!

Mrstawnyowl · 18/11/2025 18:15

He sounds dreadful. You can’t half pick ‘em. You are well rid.

Daisymay1000 · 18/11/2025 18:16

AngelicKaty · 18/11/2025 18:05

You do know it was the right thing to do OP - that's why you did it. Your sub-concious brain was already imagining the return journey - you going out of your way to take him home in a car you'd hired for his convenience (I still can't get over this part) and him being every bit as vile to you on the way home as he was on the journey to York and walking around there. Remember how he spoke to you - how he treated you. He is not "sweet" OP - that was an act - the real him is the nasty, foul-mouthed, controlling bastard that he revealed himself to be in a few short hours. Please forget all about him. He's not worth your energy or headspace. You are worth a lot more!

Thank you ❤️ you’re right in everything you said there. First guy I bloody meet and this is what he turns out to be. Typical haha x

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