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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To grey rock MIL

56 replies

AmberFlag · 17/11/2025 20:57

I always had a good relationship with MIL... until I married her DS and gave birth to her GC. It's a tale as old as time really. It started with ridiculous stuff I just ignored, but a decade later and I've had enough, especially now she's upset DH as well. He still wants a relationship with her, which I respect, but I've said I'll only be visiting with him a couple of times per year - and won't have any contact with her aside from that.

It's sad, because I always thought we were close. She's essentially told DH this week she doesn't consider me to be part of her family and she doesn't like how much he does 'for me' (by this, she mostly means the school run). Add this to all the passive aggressive comments about how I'm harming my kids by working full time, not having my husband's tea on the table every night, etc, etc and I just feel done.

AIBU? Should I be able to suck this up? DH is supportive and says he doesn't blame me, but I guess people pleasing plus not wanting to make life difficult for DH is making me question everything.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 18/11/2025 11:46

If your MIL feels cut off from you, that will be her own fault. You are the one putting all the work in with your MIL and your reward is to be not considered part of her family and to have your parenting criticised by her.

Leave it all up to your DH and she will soon realise who was doing all the work (spoiler, it wasn't her son).

InLawAgain · 18/11/2025 14:55

I was called cruel for putting my child into nursery, money grabbing for wanting to have a job of my own
They find fault no matter what you do. I was told I need to put my DC in nursery and because I didn't that is what caused my son's language delay and autism.

Whyamiherenow · 18/11/2025 18:54

This is what my mil is like sometimes. Tells me off for having a stressful job. Not doing the school run (she picks up once a week) and expecting too much of DH. This came about because I once said wiping the worktops was part of washing the dishes. She said he does quite enough for me. Which incidentally isn’t half what he does for her. He’s spring cleaned her house this week while she’s been on holiday. But I expect too much in the form of some dish washing, caring for his own child and probably about a 35% share of housework - we aim for 50/50 but it’s not quite there.

I tolerate mil, she comes for tea 2-3 times a week whence been guilted in to having her over for Xmas. But I don’t sort her birthday / Christmas / other gifts and don’t organise things / help her the way I used to etc.

grey rock!

whistlesandbells · 18/11/2025 19:08

CheeseIsMyIdol · 18/11/2025 01:55

Why is your husband transmitting her negative comments to you?

And why is your husband over sharing information about you and your life together that provides her with fuel? Sounds like he needs to emerge from the F.O.G and grey rock too.

whistlesandbells · 18/11/2025 19:10

Whyamiherenow · 18/11/2025 18:54

This is what my mil is like sometimes. Tells me off for having a stressful job. Not doing the school run (she picks up once a week) and expecting too much of DH. This came about because I once said wiping the worktops was part of washing the dishes. She said he does quite enough for me. Which incidentally isn’t half what he does for her. He’s spring cleaned her house this week while she’s been on holiday. But I expect too much in the form of some dish washing, caring for his own child and probably about a 35% share of housework - we aim for 50/50 but it’s not quite there.

I tolerate mil, she comes for tea 2-3 times a week whence been guilted in to having her over for Xmas. But I don’t sort her birthday / Christmas / other gifts and don’t organise things / help her the way I used to etc.

grey rock!

2-3 times a week. You’re a saint!

Whyamiherenow · 18/11/2025 19:36

whistlesandbells · 18/11/2025 19:10

2-3 times a week. You’re a saint!

Nope. Just got myself in a situation I’m struggling to row back from but am working on. It seemed supportive when her husband died. It’s been 5 years nearly now. It’s closer to 2 times a week now than the 3 it was a year ago ….. slowly slowly rowing back!

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