Lads trips

[Spacemoonpf]

Hi all. Is it normal for husband to go on lads trips - mostly football trips when eg there’s World Cup or European holiday. I’m also thinking of going on girls trip.
we go on family and couples holidays together too. Initially I was uncomfortable and he said I can come along and we book our own hotel room.

Am I being unreasonable it shouldn’t be a common occurrence though?

I personally couldn't be with someone who stopped me going away with friends... Provided there were finances to still get away with me/family holiday etc. I don't like my life being curtailed (excluding being faithful of course) just because I'm committed to someone.

What are your concerns? I'd be reassured he offered you to come along tbh. X

I dont see the problem. Trips with friends dont stop when youre married, its normal to do things with your mates.

Some might disagree but id not be happy if my partner felt uncomfortable with me going away without them. We are individuals still and dont need to do everything together.

Id question what exactly makes you feel uncomfortable about it? Is there already insecurity there? Is there some mistrust already?

Normal for many couples for footie, golf, big birthdays etc. Dh did when he was a bit younger, not so much now we are in our 50s and some friends have moved away so not in contact as much (doesn’t go to home matches anymore either), but I would have no problem he wanted too again, if financial viable, would encourage him.

It depends what the particular concern is. If you have the financial means for it, childcare covered for any DC, you have an equal amount of free time to use for your own trips, and he's not cheating/doing drugs/behaving like an arsehole when away, then what's the problem?

Yes you are being unreasonable.

My DH goes on boys ski trips, sometimes weekends away with friends or to visit friends from where he grew up.
I don't go on as many as my friends are far far harder to pin down! But he’d have no issue if I did!

I agree with the other posters.

DH and I often have girls/lads trips. Usually one a year or more if big birthdays etc.

We always check dates and child care and make sure money is ok and is not impacting a family trip. But I very much enjoy my time away with my friend as does he. Whenever the other is away our DC always enjoy having the other parent to themselves and we plan some fun things.

Is there a particular reason you are concerned?

We do trips away without one another with our friends but we wouldn’t let it affect family holidays.

Thank you all. Yes there was infidelity in 2018 last time they went to Spain so now he’s saying I can go him to this time and we can also do our own thing

We have gone on loads of trips separately. I don't have any issue with it and think it's healthy. You have one life, enjoy the trips together and separately that you want to do. And don't go on trips you wouldnt really want to go on. Ie football watching trips with the lads.

This must be about the 5th post today where it starts off with a random question and then it's drip-fed that the partner / husband has cheated before. Just say it in the initial OP!!!

Anyway, no it's not unusual to go away with friends but to be honest, if he can't be trusted to go on holiday with his mates and not cheat on you then there are far bigger problems and I would wonder why you were still with him.

It's totally normal.

If he cheated previously that changes things. For me, no I'd never trust him again. But that's why I'd have left...
By staying you've either chosen to properly forgive, or else you haven't forgiven... Which is why you've a problem with him going away which is understandable but that means you're still in a relationship with no trust which I personally couldn't be bothered with as I wouldn't want to put myself through the worry and being the 'bad guy' down the line when things like this crop up.

Going away with friends is fine, everyone needs their own space and a break! So long as the two of you BOTH get the opportunity to do so.

Well that’s a very important drip feed!

I wouldn’t stay in a relationship if my partner had cheated. Of course you don’t trust him, he’s a filthy cheating scumbag.

In relationships where the trust hasn’t been broken, it’s totally normal to go on holiday with your mates.

I can’t imagine being in an a relationship where you don’t trust someone to go away with friends.

It's totally normally, but YANBU if he has history of cheating on these trips.

How did you find out? Has he done anything to rebuild trust? Are you worried about it happening again?

A lot of nuance if he's cheated before...

If we can afford it, we try to go away with our friends every year! Doesn’t always happen but we do try. Sometimes abroad, sometimes a holiday cottage, sometimes a night or two in London or away for a city break, but just depends on finances and our diaries!

we do also try to get away as a couple at least once or twice a year, even if just for a night here and there.

if there’s been infidelity then surely that’s an issue irrespective of whether someone is on a weekend away?

You should have mentioned this first!
You don’t trust him because he can’t be trusted so he shouldn’t be going IMO!

Then your problem isn’t boys’ trips, it’s your DH.
This is exactly why I wouldn’t stay with a cheater- it makes ordinary, normal fun activities something to stress over. No thanks. Ship out.

But he can’t be trusted. So there’s that.

Exactly. So why would you want to be in a relationship like that?

Incredibly controlling behaviour, OP. YABU

To me there's a big difference between "lads trips" which you expect of club 18-30 booze and birds types and a holiday with friends which can be for anyone and any interest.

So he has been on 'lads trips' before so why are you asking now if they are common now?

He cheated so why on earth would you what him anyway if he going to cheat again he could do it at home