is it awful to get one of the kids a birthday present from a car boot sale

[sunnywithashower33]

hi sorry this is long i just need to get it out because my heads not working right today and i feel like im messing everything up again . we went to the car boot yesterday with my sister because she said its good for finding bits for christmas and the younger two needed some clothes but i didnt have a clue what i was looking for really and i was just following her round and trying not to think about how much everything is costing at the minute . anyway my middle one is 8 next week and he keeps going on about this lego set with a car and a little garage thing he seen it on youtube and i looked it up and its like 40 something quid which i just cant do right now not when dp hours got cut again and ex keeps saying hes going to transfer money but then he doesnt and i hate waiting for it .

so at the car boot i seen the exact lego set on a table and the lady said 3 quid so i grabbed it quick but the box was all crushed and the tape was peeling so i wasnt sure if it was all there but she said her grandson built it once then never touched it again . i didnt open it til i got in my sisters car and some little bits are missing i think but i dont even know which ones because i dont know what order the bags come in and i cant check it properly because the baby kept throwing things out the box and then my sister said im overthinking it and most kids dont even notice if lego is missing and i should stop panicking over everything all the time .

then later on my oldest said people will know its second hand because the box looks bent and he said his cousins always get brand new toys and that really stung and i started going on about when we grew up we had nothing new ever and now im sat here worrying that other parents at his party will judge or think im tight if he opens it in front of them or he tells someone it was from a car boot . he tells people everything he never keeps things to himself . its stressing me out and its just supposed to be a little birthday thing .

i always try my best but it never feels enough and now im sat wondering if im being awful to wrap a car boot present for an 8th birthday even if its what he actually asked for . sorry if this makes no sense ive barely slept . am i being unreasonable here i really dont want people thinking im a bad mum .

Why would it be awful? We should all buy more second hand. Saves money and the planet.

I think that it's the fact that it's probably missing stuff that is the biggest issue, Op. Can I ask why you are paying out for a party if you are struggling financially? It's your decision if course but it seems to be stressing you out.

Literally nothing wrong with getting second hand presents. I’ve been picking up bits on Vinted for my kids for Christmas for the last couple of months.

Missing pieces would bother me more though, if it’s a kit and he’s had his eye on it. He’ll follow the instructions to make it, so missing pieces would matter. You should find some time to yourself to go through the kit and see what’s there. You can pick up replacement LEGO pieces online to complete the set if there are bits missing, although that doesn’t help you in time for next week.

Re opening the present in front of others at the party, I’ve never done opening presents from me at my own kids’ parties? I honestly wouldn’t necessarily have them open anything at all at the party. Or if you have to, then just open the presents of the guests who’ve given them there and then. He can open your presents first thing in the morning of his actual birthday (even if that’s the same day as the party).

Why are there so many of these threads popping up all of a sudden? Kids do not need new things.

YANBU. I’ve done half and half for all my nieces

I don't think it's awful. Far better for the planet.

You can look up the instructions online if the booklet is missing/incomplete and if there are any parts missing you can order them from the Lego site (using the reference numbers from the instructions) and they send them out for free. Or they did the last time I did it, which was a few months ago.

i didnt even think about missing bits being a bigger problem than it being second hand i just panicked thinking people would look down on us . i feel stupid now . i will try and go through the pieces later when the kids are in bed but i dont know if i will even know whats what the instructions look really confusing and half of them are bent where the box was squashed . my sister said it will be fine but shes always more relaxed about this stuff than me .

the party isnt a big one its just at the house i got some bits in home bargains and my mum said she will help with the food and its only like 5 kids coming mixed with cousins so im hoping its ok i just wanted him to have something nice because its been rough lately and he keeps saying everyones getting better things than him . i know i should say no but he goes on and on and i cave or i cry which is pathetic .

i didnt know you dont have to open presents at the party i thought thats what people do because my nieces always open theirs but maybe thats just my sister doing it that way . if we dont open them then no one will see the lego anyway so that might help me not stress .

im not trying to start some big thing about second hand either i wasnt saying its bad i buy loads second hand normally i just got in my head about it today and now im overthinking everything like usual . thanks for not being horrible about it .

Lego will send you any missing pieces for free just go on their website and they will be posted out the same day/next day. They are brilliant. Get on it tonight and youll have the parts by his birthday. :)
just get him to open his presents when the others arent there and stop worrying please - we have (well 99 percent of us) all been there, wether in the past or now! It is what it is and im
sure he will appericate it. Bless you.

Christmas?

Usually there is a page at the end of the instructions with a picture and number of each piece in the set - so 1x means one of that piece, 4x means 4 in total of that piece. There is also a number below each piece - this is the individual code for each piece in case you need to order more from Lego

You sound very stressed and under a lot of pressure. You are doing your best, so try not to worry what others think!

If you are very worried about it and can afford it, how about you get him a cheap 'new' thing as his main present, and give him the second hand lego as well? That way he gets something new as well as the lego you know he wants.

It's a bit tight for time now to get done before his birthday, but you can get replacement pieces off the lego website (click on link, then follow steps I put below):

https://www.lego.com/en-gb
Home
Bricks and Pieces
Pick a Brick

If he's really into lego, it's worth trying to pick up sets second hand because they are so expensive. If there's only a few bits missing you can replace them for very little money. Have a look for future use - I think you may be a bit overstretched at the minute!

This. Cross posted sort of.

I knew you could buy pieces, but had not realised they would replace pieces for free. If that's correct it's a fabulous service, and helps justify the high price they charge for new lego sets!

Just saw your last post and wanted to say we have never opened the gifts or cards during the party. We always do it later when DC has space to react privately - it can be hard for little kids, or DC with ALN to hide disappointment if they did'nt get quite what they expected. It's also too overwhelming most of the time. Just because others in the family do it like that, does not mean you need to. Some people think it's rude to open presents in front of the giver, so that's another angle.

I'm sure your little boy will have a lovely birthday, and you taking some time to sit down with him to help build his lego/show an interest will be remembered much more than if the set is new or not.

I don't get why it's so bad to get children gifts which are not new. 🤷‍♀️ The posters always say 'i feel bad' but surely most times the children do not care.

Kids not not need everything brand new.

You really need to calm down - second hand is more than fine. In fact, if he told the other parents it was 2nd hand, they'll only think of it positively. All you need to do is check the instruction manual for the pieces you need. If some bits are genuinely crushed and it's not worth saving, then you've tried your best and you've only lost £3.

My friend used to borrow toys from the Toy Library, wrap them up, the children played with them for a while……then she’d take them back!
In your situation, I’d buy a nice storage box with a lid. Clean the Lego if necessary, and then put it into the storage box and wrap it. You could ad a couple of small kits inside too. No need to worry about a damaged box that way.

1. Second hand definitely ok. You found an amazing bargain!! What are the chances of finding the exact one.
2. Definitely don't open in party. It will be manic enough anyway
3. If he's already got some Lego, he might be able to substitute any missing bits with things he's already got

Enjoy his birthday!

Don't be so hard on yourself! I got loads of second hand toys and it's fine. I remember getting a fancy My Little Pony house and my mum explaining that she'd found a bargain - it would have been too expensive otherwise. So I basically got a bonus. Frame it like that.

I dont disagree, I was just answering why the threads are popping up as you say

Secondhand Lego is a HUGE market.
It's not unusual to buy secondhand Lego.
Adult Lego fans flock to trading shows to buy secondhand Lego.
I would be honest with him and say there might be bits missing.
It the vast majority is there it won't matter unless it's a really unusual piece (which doesn't happen very often).

That’s a great bargain because second hand Lego usually retains a lot of its retail price.

You’re doing your best for your child. It’s also better for the environment. Give yourself a break.

I buy lots of things second hand. I also think I’m helping out someone else who will be glad of the money. Facebook marketplace is good too.

First off kids often say their friends have better, newer, more expensive, but that is not always the truth! Secondly second hand is absolutely fine, however try and check the pieces and do not apologise that it is second hand, just go with how exciting it will be to build. It is really hard when things are tight but remember second hand what he really wants is better that him not getting it at all.

If he complains that it isn't new, you point out that it's either the second hand set that he wanted or... he doesn't get the set he wanted. The latter is not the better option, is it?

If I were you I'd build it while he's in bed, so you can make a note of any missing pieces and order them asap.

I recently gave a son’s friend (with his agreement) three old Lego sets of my son’s that I had set aside for selling on eBay. He was thrilled and whilst he announced loudly to those assembled that one of the pieces is missing but it’s only a carrot, so doesn’t matter, he was still very happy to get three complete Minecraft sets. I found his comment funny as did others, his mum was mortified (he has no filter!) But everyone was happy, so please please don’t stress about getting second hand, and to back up what others have said we’ve never done family presents at the party so no one else needs to know. The sets were complete with boxes and instructions. So he didn’t just get a heap of Lego.