Charity shop gifts

[Gentlydoesit2]

I love buying gifts for people, and try to make them as meaningful as possible, picking things I think the recipient will enjoy or make use of.
SIL has started buying gifts for my children from charity shops. I hate it.
Don't get me wrong, we pick bits and bobs up for our own children from charity shops and when my youngest in particular was born, she had a lot of clothes and toys from a children's charity shop. My issue is with buying gifts for people from there especially if they are in a used condition.
As an example... Eldest was gifted a teddy that had been fixed (badly) where it had a split seam, a boardgame with dogeared corners and the best....a crinkly toy for our NEWBORN that on inspection of the label turned out to be a dog toy!! 😷🤢
SIL is not broke but frugal, eco warrior type obviously trying to save the world by shopping other people's cast offs.

IN SUMMARY it's not charity shops I have an issue with, it's buying "gifts" from there, especially for children.

My dc choose gifts for each other from the charity shop, they've always managed to find nice things. It sounds like it's more what she is buying rather than where she's buying it... If you're buying thoughtless crap it doesn't matter if it's cheap or expensive, it's still just junk.

Could you head her off this year and say instead of exchanging gifts could you all go out together?

It’s not necessarily second hand gifts that are the problem (I often choose them for my own children and they receive secondhand toys from family).

It’s the fact they’re not clean/suitable/appropriate gifts. This is just as thoughtless as buying unsuitable or inappropriate gifts new.

My dad often spends a lot of time looking for secondhand toys he thinks my kids will like. But he carefully chooses things that he knows they’ll enjoy, that are in good condition, and that can be properly cleaned (e.g. a full set of plastic Paw Patrol dogs that he then wiped down with dettol wipes).
I love it, think it’s really sweet and it’s much better for the environment than buying this stuff new.
If he was giving my toddlers used dog toys as gifts I’d probably feel differently!

Your SIL selected bad gifts but recycling should be encouraged. I always buy a few Christmas gifts from charity shops or Vinted.

I always buy Christmas presents as does every mum I know from charity shop. It's the fact she chosing presents that aren't right for your dc. Just got a 12 x solar robot still sealed and brand new for 1. Costs 35 new. My nephew is going to love that as right up his street.

I think it's fine to buy undamaged toys from charity shops. Not fine to buy damaged rubbish.

My ex's aunt used to do this for mine. Always dirty and broken that were only fit for the bin really.

It's very strange behaviour. I'd probably say no gifts this year please and maybe book an outing together or something.

Maybe Beamish if she's into all that recycling eco stuff.

I would (and I do!) buy for my own dc, dh and dm from charity shops if I see something they would really enjoy. I have no problem/shame in doing so. I don’t buy for others second hand as I know people can be a bit funny about it.

I don’t think the problem is that they buy second hand for you, it’s that they think it’s fine to gift someone things that are broken, in bad condition, inappropriate or generally junky.

I’ve always encouraged any friend or relative that wants to buy for our kids to buy second hand if they can save money doing so. As long as it’s clean/works/is in good condition and of course is suitable I’m not precious about it. Weirdly though, I never consider looking in charity shops when buying for other people!

I think there’s a difference between a suitable gift in reasonable condition from a charity shop than from buying anything from there regardless of suitability just to save money.

I look for things like clothes that have the tags on that are suitable for the recipient, but I find them out of season. Sometimes they are pre-loved but in excellent condition but would be £££ new.
My gifts cost little but look generous.

Your SIL gives tat.

I buy from charity shops, its more the fact shes choosing unsuitable gifts than being from a charity shop isnt it?

100% agree OP- I shop in charity shops too- you can find lovely thoughtful gifts. But there is a difference between second hand and just utter rubbish. You are not being unreasonable x

I think you sound a bit fixated on the second hand aspect. It's totes fine doing your pressies shopping at charity shops, I do it all the time, but your SiL is clearly just crap at choosing appropriate gifts.

I am sorry. I think we are all conscious of clutter nowadays, and any gifts have to be meaningful. My very wealthy friend in London buys me any old charity shop clothing/items. She never seems to think if it will suit me or whether it will even fit! I'm now 68 and after 50 years I've had enough. I've not spent half as much on her this year.

I am expecting my first grandson in January and have been buying certain items from charity shops - but haven't checked carefully enough. I've just paid £15 for a baby einstein baby bouncer - but the music bit at the front is missing. I've just taken it back to the shop and donated it, pointed out it's only a bouncy chair.

As the saying goes you can't chose what they get given but you can choose what they play with, or something like that. I did quite well out of my 9 month olds easter eggs this year. Just return the favourite, most charity shops near me do a sale rail. £1 for something bobbly that doesn't fit her. Or get her an oxfam goat.

I think the issue is more that they are clearly old/faulty rather than the charity shop itself. We have a reasonable charity shop that only sells children's items. I wouldn't have a problem with gifts coming from there (they normally check for missing pieces etc).

I think stuff that can be properly cleaned is fine, but I'd never want a soft toy or baby toy from a charity shop for my children

I’ll probably get a new a-hole ripped for this but I think it’s gross. I have never been in a charity shop where things don’t smell disgusting and where anything is in good condition. I appreciate this might be the area we live in. I don’t want a toy for my child that has lots of crevices or is hard to clean which has been played with by someone else who we don’t know and may stink of dogs or smoke. We had carpet beetles in my last house which were a real nuisance and I’m convinced they came in on something someone gifted to my kids. I don’t care if that makes me seem like a snob because I know I’m not and I’m sick of being polite about it. I have loads of relatives that aren’t well off and therefore find gifts around this time that they could buy for my children (after they’ve asked what would like) books for £3-£4, nice colouring pens or Tonie box figures for £8-9 for example. The charity shops aren’t even cheap in my experience! My Mum is obsessed with them and I hate it with a passion. I think it’s rude to gift something from a charity shop if that person has shown no interest in being eco- friendly and shares you passion for reusing, if she gives me something now I put it straight in the bin when I get home. I would rather they didn’t buy then anything. Clothes aren’t as bad because you can throw them in the wash on a 60 degree cycle but isn’t that kind of defeating the object of the saving the planet if you usually do a 20 degree wash? Gross, gross, gross. Shop there for yourself if you want to but don’t send some 20 year old board game with missing pieces that’s been fingered by 400 people to my house thank you very much 🤮 oh and let’s not forget that it’s always the people that you gifted something really nice to and that you know have loads of money, tight gets.

I agree with you OP.
I use charity shops but wouldn't use them for gifts for other people

They're fine as long as you shop carefully, and buy with the recipient in mind.

It's better for everyone if we shop mostly second hand. So many gifts are bought new and end up donated in January. You can get lovely things in new or nearly new condition. Your budget goes further, the charity benefits, the planet doesn't suffer. It's a win all round.

It sounds like SIL buys rubbish gifts. That's got nothing to do with charity shops.

@Notsurewhatisnormalanymore Instead of binning things could you not return them to a charity shop who might be able to make some much needed money from them.

My mum used to buy us (as adults) books from charity shops and cover them in beautiful paper. I still have them and treasure them.

It’s just rubbish thats only fit for the bin! I think the people donating are just too lazy to sort through it and go to the tip. I don’t know where these charity shops are that people are finding nice things because every single one I’ve been in around where we live absolutely stinks and it’s broken / dirty stuff. I know lots of cash poor people that wouldn’t even bring the stuff through their front door.

That's a shame @Notsurewhatisnormalanymore . I travel around the UK a lot and find lots of really good stuff in charity shops. York last week, West Somerset this week and lots of good stuff. Often clothes still with the original labels one. Mary Portas has some fantastic charity shops that are like boutiques.

It must be where you live @Notsurewhatisnormalanymore . The ones near me look like boutiques.