Ex using pictures of me online

[TheLilacZebra]

Hello, I’m going to try and condense this down. Apologies if this isn’t the right place to post either. I tried legal matters too.

It has been brought to my attention that my ex has been using pictures with my face showing and sending them to people online.

Background: we ended 1.5 years ago when a few days before I gave birth to our child. He was harmful, abusive towards both me and our newborn. He walked out and prioritised drink and drugs. We’ve been in a year long contact case with court. Our next hearing is a fact finding hearing to see if he really did the things I claim he did or “not” in the eyes of the court to see how contact can move forward.

When I was with him I found messages on his phone on Reddit messaging men telling them that he would pay to fly me out to them for sexual nature. This mightn’t seem “bad” but too me finding it whilst pregnant I felt violated. He was telling them I was beside him and acting as if I was part of the plan. Which was not. I did not confront him or tell him I saw these messages.

however NOW, it has been brought to my attention he is still using the same app. He has been spending hundreds of pounds on the app for his sexual pleasures and fantasy’s. This is going to sound bizarre and I didn’t know a world like this existed.
I found out he has been calling me his wife on these apps. He’s messaged these people saying “I’d choose you over my wife and child any day”.

He then went on to ask them if he could send a photo of him and his wife. He proceeds to send a photo of me and him together. It’s not a sexual image, but in the context of the conversation he is telling this person it’s turning him on and that he wanted this person to belittle me and tell him how ugly his wife is.
Obviously this is fantasy. But I was already petrified of him over how he treated me after giving birth. Then the lies he has told in court up to this point. This has taken it to a differently level where I feel completely violated.

I’m not sure if what I’m saying even makes sense but I’ve tried to condense it down. Legally is he allowed to be doing this? Is this normal?? I have to face him at my door 2 x a week for handover.

I know it sounds bizarre but it doesn’t seem like mentally well. I’m only posting to gain some advice, please don’t ask how I have found out about the images. If I was able to go into the full context of everything he has done it would make more sense.

If he's sending people pictures of you without your consent, especially in the context of hook up or sex related apps/sites then it's revenge porn. You should tell the police. It's a form of harassment. It doesn't matter if pics are nude or not I don't think.

This sounds horrendous OP.
I would talk to the police about this.

This is a crime. You should absolutely make sure you have evidence then report him to the police.

Definetly a police matter. Report it now. They'll make it do he can't contact or communicate with you without repercussions and you'll be able to drop your child off at a contact centre so you don't have to see him

I hope your okay

I can’t imagine they’d do anything other than a warning if even that?

i just feel like it’ll make “co-parenting” worse if he finds out I know and go to the police. He’s already told so many lies to discredit my character in court. I’d worry how far he’d go

This has been ongoing over the course of this month. He’s messaged several people saying he wants to send pics of his “wife/ gf” but always sends them on a different app like discord / telegram so never got the proof.

today was the first time he sent the picture on Reddit. So im paranoid what else has he sent on the other apps. Due to my job also I’m panicking it’ll get out around town. It seems so far fetched

We were originally in contact centre. Recently it’s been moved out and he’s allowed 6 hours in his mums house supervised.

Court want a fact finding hearing and it’s next week. I don’t have any “real” evidence for what he put me through. And due to the nature of how I know about these messages I can’t let court know

I promise you it would be more than a warning.

Do you have proof about what he's done? It won't matter what lies he's told about you if the courts find out that he's been doing this. They will immediately question everything he'd ever told them

Don't let him bully you any longer. You've got the perfect ammo there to make sure he gets forced to leave you alone. Use it

Courts won't care about how you came across the information and it's irrelevant. However you found out, it doesn't wipe out his crime

This is illegal and I believe, if found guilty, he'd be looking at about 5 years in prison. Report this to the police, OP.

I’ve screenshots of what he’s sent.

For more context when I had our baby, he was caught on tinder that same week. When I confronted him he tried to make me out to be crazy and that I made the account of him to make him look bad.

I know him and I know he will tell court/ the police that it was me who sent all these weird messages to make him look bad.

I feel sick to my stomach handing out baby over to him.

he’s only fighting for contact as his mum is pushing it all along. If she wasn’t in the picture he wouldn’t have taken me to court.

He’s also told court he doesn’t work and he is sitting on legal aid. He pays £25 a week. Told court he pays me extra sometimes which isn’t true. However he was fit to spend £200 on one night in this app for sexual pleasures or whatever it is

I know people hate it but I've used chatgp and it says this

1. Treat it as “Revenge Porn” (Disclosing Private Sexual Images Without Consent)

If the images are sexual, intimate, or were taken in a private context, this falls under the Criminal Justice and Courts Act 2015.

Police can:

Take your statement

Ask for screenshots/links

Identify the Reddit account/IP

Contact Reddit to remove the content

Interview or arrest the ex boyfriend

Issue bail conditions (e.g., no contact)

Important: Images do not have to be fully nude to count if they were private and used in a sexual way.

---

1. Harassment / Stalking

Even if the pictures are not sexual, encouraging strangers to sexualise you is degrading and distressing.
It can be classed as:

Harassment (Course of conduct causing alarm or distress)

Controlling or coercive behaviour

Malicious communications

Police can:

Issue a warning

Serve a harassment notice

Open an investigation

Seek protective orders

How the police usually respond

When you report it, expect the following steps:

✔ 1. Statement taken

You explain what happened, how you found out, and how it’s affecting you.

✔ 2. Evidence collection

Police will ask you to:

Screenshot posts

Record usernames/links

Show any messages from him “letting or telling” others to fantasise about you

Provide any proof the images were private or part of a relationship

✔ 3. Investigate and contact Reddit

Police cyber units can request Reddit to:

Remove posts

Supply IP addresses

Freeze the account for evidence

(This is very common—platforms work with law enforcement.)

✔ 4. Interview or arrest the ex

Depending on severity and evidence, he may be:

Invited to voluntary interview

Arrested

Given bail conditions such as “no digital contact, no posting images”

✔ 5. Protective measures

Police may:

Refer you for a stalking protection order

Advise non-molestation orders (if relationship abuse existed)

---

You DO NOT need to prove harm

Posting your image online without your consent for sexualised commentary is illegal even if he claims he “didn’t mean harm” or “thought it was a joke."

---

What you can do right now

If this is happening now, you can:

1. Gather evidence

Before anything is deleted:

Screenshots (full page)

Username, subreddit, link

Any comments he made encouraging people

1. Report to police

Call 101 or use your local force’s online reporting form under:

Revenge Porn

Harassment

Stalking

Online abuse

1. Report to Reddit

You can report the posts under:

Non-consensual intimate media

Harassment

Involuntary pornography

---

Police can easily prove it wasn't you by the IP address. I can really see how much this man has worn you down. He isn't as powerful as you think OP. This is why he's been bullying you, so you don't realise the power you have.

Make the phone call, future you will thank you for it

I took my ex to court 8 years ago for attacking me, I was so worried they would believe him because he so easily lied. They didn't and he hasn't been allowed near me or my kids for the last 8 years. I was so frightened and scared but not a day goes by where I'm not immensely grateful to my past self.

Report him x

He's disgusting, but at least you have evidence of how disgusting he is. I really doubt that the court is going to believe that you've created fake profiles to entrap him onto saying awful things. They'll focus on what he actually wrote, and it's grim.

As PPs have said, first stop police, he is making you unsafe, essentially encouraging other men to sexually harass you.

Push to go back to the contact centre as you don't feel safe around him at all, it may help him to stop bothering when he's expected to engage with his child rather than hand the baby over to his mother.

Make it clear to the court what he is and isn't doing for the baby - so not giving you any extra money.

Thank you!

Do I have to disclose how I came across the messages?

He’s told court I controlled him and his money. None of it’s true, he worked away and we only saw each other at the weekends for most of the relationship. He was free to do what he liked and came home with no money at the end.

But in this online world he’s in, he’s asking for these women to dominate him and control his money, he’s asking them if he can call them mommy. It’s weird!!! Like he walked out on me the minute he made me a mum, now he’s calling everyone mommmy?

I’ve thought about it all day. It’s as if he’s playing out his sexual fantasy’s in court. What he’s really into, he’s lying about and making me look bad in the eyes of the judge. There’s no proof to what he is saying but it’s just how fucked up it all is. I don’t see how he can be mentally stable enough to have our baby. I’m more worried about that

I also hope you and your kids are okay too 💓

It sounds like your baby is safe, as with its grandmother, so I don't think you should try not to worry too much about that - but I know it's hard, I'm a single parent and it's difficult to hand your baby over to someone you don't know well or trust.

Your ex sounds grubby, pathetic and self-obsessed - he's not going to play a blinder in the court.

He was messaging men about “selling” me when we were together, it was 2023 from when I was pregnant so I doubt they’ll care to know about those messages now.

The more recent messages are claiming that I am his wife and asking people to call me ugly and tell him that they are better than his wife. He also messages saying he can imagine kissing them (and worse) with his wife watching.

It’s vile. I was with him 3 years and just feel like I clearly never knew him.

How did you come across it? They will probably ask but they won't really care tbh. I'm only guessing here.... but if you signed into his account and came across it that way, can you not just say that he must of used your phone once to sign into reddit and your phone had saved his details?

Your not going to get done off anyone if you did sign into his account, especially with what you've found.

They always lie in court 😅 try not to stress. He has to prove his lies. He can say what he wants, courts are interested in hard facts.

I'd be concerned about the baby too. They are changing the law now on parental contact and assuming parents are safe and reliable for children to be around.

They will care because it shows he's been abusing you for years.

Do you have parents or friends who can support you? You sound so worn down, what on earth has this man done to your brain for you to think that police and courts wouldn't be interested in him trying to sell you for sex? Doesn't matter if it was in 2023 or not and the fact it was in 2023 shows this has been a consistent pattern of behaviour for him

Ring the police as soon as you feel able. They will help you. You'll end up being free of him, you just need to be brave

I came across the messages originally on his phone when we were together, due to lies about drugs and I had my suspicions which I did find also.

in September court said next hearing needs to be a fact finding hearing or else I have to drop what I have said about him in terms of the abuse. I’ve been told I have to stand next week and give my account of what happened during the relationship whilst his barrister tears me down and calls me a liar. I’ve contemplated not doing it, I know I don’t have the strength to stand there after everything and then be called a liar.

since knowing it was going to court for hearing. It put the thought in my head about them old messages. I had completely forgotten for over a year with everything else going on and being a new mum. I know I shouldn’t have but I did find the messages to see what he had originally said in 2023. I didn’t expect to find what I did find. It’s a weekly thing every weekend he sits on it.

As others have suggested, it doesn't matter that the last time you had physical evidence that he was trying to sell you to other men was in 2023.... this is part of your bundle of proof.

You gather up as much information as you can, as many screenshots, as many records, then simplify it.

Have everything documented so you can prove the details, but keep your arguments / reasons simple: point form, dates, places, websites, screenshots, nice and neat and easy reference.
Organize it like you would a tax audit.
If you are able to at the moment, try to keep your emotions off to the side for now while you work, so you can think more clearly, and collect and document your evidence and timeline.

You're going into this upset and rattled, and reasonably so. He's going into this cool, calm and collected because he's demented and thinks that he's done nothing wrong therefore has confidence on his side. It's your job to think rationally, collect as much documentation as you can, organize it as neatly as you can, and then present it to the officials who then will make judgment as to whether or not this man should be a part of your or your child's life.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for your message.

I am having a meeting with my solicitor hopefully before court to discuss the updated messages involving me.

I had told them before about the messages he had sent when we were together and I felt they raised their eyebrow as if I was clutching at straws and it was a bit far fetched so At the time we agreed to keep it out of the evidence and its not been included. The up to date message shave disturbed me but again I won’t be able to use them in court due to how they’re obtained.

id rather share the information with my solicitor / barrister so they can fully understand my side and hopefully “fight” for me in the court room and not let me be pushed into a corner. I am trying to be strong but I do get overwhelmed when there and feel like I have no options but to agree with what is being said.

Who has said you won't be able to use them in court due to how their obtained? Why havnt you been to the police yet?

Go to the police or your not going to get anywhere and this man will continue to abuse you throughout your child's childhood and he will also use your child as a way to abuse you aswell

I don't understand why your not helping yourself properly

The nature of how I know about these messages won’t go down well in court or the police I believe.

I need to protect myself also as I’m the only one who is really there as a safe parent for our child.

It’s risking exposing him and potentially getting in trouble myself. Otherwise I’d have went to the police by now.