(TW : Discusses rape stats) AIBU to find this interview with Louise Perry insulting to both women and men?

[Carla786]

I still think Louise Perry has valid points in her 2022 book The Case Against The Sexual Revolution and some of her Maiden Mother Matriarch podcast interviews, although I've always had disagreements with quite a few of her points

I cam across this interview today and was shocked, however. She badly states that she thinks 1/3 of men would commit rape given the chance of getting away with it.

Evidence? In her book, she does cite a study of US college students where 1/4 of the men said they would force sex if they could get away with it. (Higher numbers said yes when asked that than when asked if they would commit rape if they could get away with it).

But 1/4 is not 1/3, and a sample of US college students is not 'all men'. I searched for other studies giving such high numbers, but could find none. I myself believe that the numbers of men who would do that are higher than we'd like to think, but I certainly don't think they're as high as 1/3, and tossing around this kind of unsubstantiated claim feels insulting to men on general

She's spoken of the huge impression working for Rape Crisis for her gap year had on her, so maybe that's given her a skewed view?

Furthermore, if she sincerely believes that 1/3 of men are that evil, why on earth does she keep encouraging women to marry as early as possible and have kids younger? I don't think there's anything wrong with marriage and kids young, but I certainly wouldn't give that advice if I believed 1/3 of men were potential rapists! lt feels profoundly immoral to encourage women to prioritise marriage so much if you believe 1/3 of men would rape. Particularly as someone who claims to be so knowledgeable about abuse surely knows that those men who would rape or abuse are more likely to step that up when a woman's pregnant or raising a young kid.

MN thoughts? Am I overreacting, or is this position both disturbing and profoundly insulting to both men and women?

I don't know if men are trolling in replies. In comments on this kind of study, men always say that male college students will troll, but as MrsTerry says, the researchers surely know that & will try & account for that in the results.

I read the studies you linked. Very disturbing ☹️...the US has higher violent crime rates than most of Europe, and that's been the case for a while. The question is : is this just the 'state of nature' that large numbers of men will revert to without consequences in place?

I began this thread with a trigger warning that it would discuss rape stats. I know this is an extremely distressing topic for many people, and I was clear what the thread would be about.

I don't see why the uptick in violent porn (which I only mentioned once) is unrelated to rape, nor why the potential psychology involved is unrelated to stats. Surely, if the stats are actually that high, we should be asking what on earth is going on in the minds of these men?

I wasn't 'pretending to be naive'. One can be aware that in women are treated abhorrently in many cultures & in wars, and still be shocked at 1/3 of men being potential rapists.

Why is my bringing up violent porn trends (in the context of discussing these to try and combat VAWG) automatically suspicious? And marking me out to be other than 19 & female?

I know people who've been affected personally by the uptick in violent porn, and plenty more who are concerned about it. With stuff like choking as common as it, shouldn't we be concerned?

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/nov/18/sexually-active-young-people-uk-choking-strangulation-sex

I don't think browbeating someone my age for valid concerns on a topic is productive or helpful.

People post about all kinds of triggering material here, which is WHY I included a trigger warning. Nobody is forcing you or any other poster to take part in this thread.

Please stop derailing the thread. You are welcome to look through my posting history. I don't think it's suspicious, of course you might disagree.

Why would they ask men that question?

Most men wouldn't view not stopping (when they know partner doesn't want it) or stealthing as rape?

Maybe true...I hope not.

Most women would, I think. The more I think about it, the more it seems that far too many men wilfully live in a different world from women, including these basic moral standards. This must change...

To see what they reply? As EmeraldSloth posted in the 2 studies, a scary number of men will admit rape in these kinds of studies.

Yes, it's a sad fact that all 3 Abrahamic religions decree taking women as war 'wives/concubines' as totally fine.

I’m not derailing the thread. You are. You introduced strangulation into your reply completely unprompted and you directed it at me.

Most posters are discussing one statistic. Only you have kept steering the conversation towards increasingly graphic subjects. This isn’t normal curiosity or a 19 year old being shocked. It’s a sustained fixation and it stands out a mile on a parenting forum.

Your comparison to the feminist boards doesn’t work. Posters there discuss violence because they’re analysing patterns that harm women and safeguarding themselves.What you’re doing is entirely different repeatedly dragging a thread on a parenting site into graphic sexual territory and escalating the content each time.

I am not referencing one mention of violent porn.You’ve introduced torture, murder, sadism, strangulation and violent porn patterns. So I’m honestly asking, what conversation are you trying to have here? Because the thread didn’t start in any of those places, it’s been dripped in and escalated by you.

What is it you actually want to discuss? It isn’t those statistics is it.

Think about what constitutes rape.

How many men would sleep with a really intoxicated woman? Sometimes ensuring she’s THAT intoxicated themselves.
How many men nag/pressure/cajole women into sleeping with them?
How many still think that no doesn’t actually mean no?
How many use their position/influence to coerce women to sleep with them?
That’s just daily occurrences in “normal” life.

The numbers increase exponentially and that’s just men women are familiar with. Once you add all the other categories and circumstances, are the figures really that surprising? Really?

What's even more concerning is that, actually, the rest of us continually tried to steer the conversation in the opposite direction.

Pointing out that, actually, the vast majority of rapes are not the violent ordeals most people assume them to be.

OP conveniently ignored that, of course, because he/she only wants to talk about the stuff that seemingly fascinates them.

I agree.

If they had started a thread honestly titled “Let’s discuss rape, murder, torture and sadism” nobody would have responded and they’d have probably been banned.

Have people reported the thread? I have reported but a few more reports would not go astray.

It's a good thing there are men like your DH out there, we definitely need more of them.

I agree re it being almost always men (it really frustrates me when people- I suspect often with ulterior motives- try to use Vanessa George or similar rare vile but rare cases to mean women commit at the same rate). I'm definitely coming round to Perry's view...it's much easier to try & think rapists are a small minority, but the evidence seems to stack the other way...

I agree re 'good men' often being suspect. As I've said, I sadly don't fully trust any male friend as the potential risk seems too high.

“I need to keep talking about rape because it’s my special interest and I can’t stop myself”.

Stop decontextualising my posts. I mention murder, torture and sadism specifically in response to bigliness' post where he argued that people may also fantasise about murder but not do it. I argued that rape is sadistic arguably in a way that murder might not be (eg. Someone might fantasise about murdering an abusive partner).

I wasn't randomly bringing them up out of nowhere, and most of my posts have not been about those things. I was responding to bigliness' specific points. Several papers also used the murder comparison in talking about the study.

I mentioned porn in response to bigliness' argument that men who force sex generally are not thinking about the woman at all. I was making a specific point that there's evidence the average man, including in private thoughts not involving another person, generally wants to know the woman is a happy participant, which reinforces the abnormal psychology of the men who do force sex. On the other hand, violent porn uptick seems to sadly contradict this.

Stop twisting my replies. I have not fixated on those topics, I mentioned them to make specific points in response to bigliness' posts.

If you can't see the difference between making a specific point about something, and gratuitously bringing it up for no reason, that is problem, not mine.

I repeat, please stop derailing the thread.

If you're going to continue derailing the thread, I'll continue my discussion about the niqab on FWR. It was a mistake to do an Aibu about this topic, FWR would have been a more sensible choice.

I made clear what the thread would be about, if posters such as you can only impute the worst motives to me, then that's your decision.

Where on the thread have I said that rape is usually violent?

If I've implied that I'm very sorry : I know that's not true.

I wouldn’t bother. They’ll shut you down a lot quicker than I did.

For goodness' sake. I was bringing it up because I strongly resent your implication that I was bringing those topics up to get some kind of weird kick, as opposed to making a legitimate point.

You've been trying to pick a fight for most of this thread. Continue if you want. I know who is the troll here, and it is not me.

@MNHQ, Dear MNHQ, please could you get SquareHead37 (and LuckyGreenWriter) to stop trollhunting.

Whatever SquareHead23 wishes to assert, I did not start this thread for a peverse reason or bring up the topics she mentions gratuitously.

I clearly marked this thread as one that would discuss a disturbing topic, and this poster chose to enter it and twist my responses to fit her own narrative.

It is not gratuitous or suspicious, as she asserts, to bring up the ongoing serious problem with VAWG in online content in this context. Most of the posts she insists are evidence of suspicious motives are responses to bigliness making specific points, not random mentions with no relevance.

I would be very grateful if you could make your own judgement and if you are satisfied that I did not start this thread for negative reasons, allow me to continue it without constant derailment from the above 2 posters.

Stop the darvo. And stop lying. You’ve persistently raised those topics, they weren’t replies to others at all. You raised the topic of strangulation to me, unprompted, twice. You must think the women here are really stupid.

This isn’t a lecture hall, or the guts of Reddit. Take your fascination about murder and rape somewhere else.

This is getting quite unhinged now 🍿🍿

We will see what MNHQ decide.

I’ve already reported this thread, as have others. Your inability to see that repeatedly introducing these topics on a parenting board is inappropriate is really worrying. And yet you’re still desperate to continue.